Hi Annie,
Thank you very much for sharing your story. It is sad to read but you are not alone. There are people that can help.
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust that supports people, like you, who are being affected by the addictions of a loved one, because we know how difficult this can be.
If you contact us we could put you in touch with one of our trained and experienced volunteers. Talking with one of them may help you to make sense of how you are feeling and find a way ahead.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I do hope that this helps.