[annie1999]

I have been with my current boyfriend for over a year now and we are expecting a beautiful baby boy in less than 2 months. For the purpose of this post I’m going to refer to my other half as “John”. John and I used to have a very happy and close relationship, he is my best friend and the love of my life without a doubt. I’ve always known that he has struggled with drugs from a young age (14) which was down to his father forcing his own habit onto him.

At the beginning of the relationship I told John that I would not tolerate drug abuse and that I wouldn’t be happy if I was ever to find out he had taken drugs again. I was promised that this wouldn’t happen. After a few months of being together, quite happily, I began to notice John starting to change. He was going out more, coming home clearly intoxicated but would always deny this to me. We would argue and I would tell him how unhappy he’d made me but I didn’t leave like I said I would. He told me he wouldn’t do it again but this never lasted long. Same story, different day. This continued for months and months.

We’ve now moved into our own home and for the first few weeks we were very happy. Things were finally getting better. The bliss lasted for about a month and then John started to drift away from me again. He would be gone for hours, all day and all night. I would slowly watch the money leave the bank from my phone. All of it, gone. His money, my money and then our son’s savings. He seems to break my heart on a daily basis. He steals, he lies. He’s turned into such a selfish person and I’m beginning to hate the person I once loved and adored.
He stole our son’s savings and I finally got the strength to get up and leave. I packed a bag and walked away. I knew what needed to be done and although it hurt me, I had to do what was best for my baby.
I got phone call after phone call filled with apologies, nothing I hadn’t heard a million times before. I tried so hard to stay strong but he broke me down and I went back. He promised me he’d change, that he’d get help and told me how much he loved and needed me and his baby. I didn’t believe him but some part of me hoped he did mean everything he said deep down.

The new, clean and kind John lasted for a matter of hours before the old John returned. I’m now at a complete loss, this is the man I love more than anything in this world and I’m losing him to crack cocaine every day. I fear that he will end up dead or in prison before his son turns the age of 2. I feel so alone and hurt and I have nowhere else to turn. Please someone tell me I’m not alone in this.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Annie,
Thank you very much for sharing your story. It is sad to read but you are not alone. There are people that can help.

I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust that supports people, like you, who are being affected by the addictions of a loved one, because we know how difficult this can be.

If you contact us we could put you in touch with one of our trained and experienced volunteers. Talking with one of them may help you to make sense of how you are feeling and find a way ahead.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org

I do hope that this helps.

[louise89]

Your not alone in all this – there are so many of us effected by our partners behaviour- all the advice on all the sites and blogs say to walk away and look after yourself – which is true I know – but I get the fear – I’m terrified of leaving my partner in case he does kill himself / overdose etc I don’t want to abandon someone I love . Try and get some help for you and ultimately I guess we both need to try and move on and get out .

[Author]

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