[cab]

My dad has always had a problem with drink in my 37 years of having him as a parent. It was partly to blame for my parents getting a divorce and separating when I was just 3 years old. I was allowed to keep seeing him whilst growing up and in the early visits with him I became afraid to visit him alone. Just because he would drink and then fall asleep and I would then be alone until he woke up to take me home again. So mum eventually started joining me for the visits. Gradually we got closer as a family again and eventually moved back together under the same roof. She would say she can’t live without him but she can’t live with him either. She worried about how he would cope living on his own. There was always the drink problem there to cause arguments and family stress. However mum died suddenly on Boxing Day of 2010 and although drink has always been a problem for dad. I am now dealing with the issues on my own. So although the problem is no worse it is no better and I am struggling to remain positive about home. I was close to mum and loosing her has hit me hard. Most of the time I cope but when dad hits the self destruct button and drinks to the point of collapse it hits me hardest that I am on my own. I delay coming home from work because I know most of the time he will be there either on his way to being drunk or so drunk he is asleep. There has been times when he has left things in the oven or on the hob and filled the place with smoke as he has fallen asleep while cooking. So there is also the safety in my own home to worry about. I have had smoke alarms fitted by the fire brigade which at least will alert me and possibly my neighbours to there being a problem. But most of the time dad doesn’t hear them go off if he has fallen asleep because the noise doesn’t wake him. So while I’m trying to get on with my life I have the constant worry of what is happening back home if I’m not there or what I’m going home to. Now I feel like I’m stuck like mum was because if we moved apart I would still worry about him then but feel like I need my own space to make my own life.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Cab,
Thanks for posting your story. It is very sad to read what you have gone through loosing your mum and the worry you have around your dad’s drinking. If you think it would help to talk with people who would understand what you are going through please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports the friends and families of people with addictive behaviours.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that maybe you are able to get some support for yourself so you can begin to see a way ahead.
Good luck!

[Author]

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