[spiritlow1234]

I suppose I will start from the very first memory I can remember with my dad. Even though my dad has been there since I was born my first memory is me at 4 years old getting beers out the fridge for him. At 6 we lost my nan (his mum) and his drinking instantly got worse. He went from 10 pints a day to 20. On the day of my nans funeral he was rushed into hospital with liver failure and stayed in there for 2 weeks. When he come out he looked nothing like my dad. He was a broken man and now me his carer at 6 years old – my mum always at work trying to pay the bills. He lay in bed day in day out. He was throwing up constantly and I was the one cleaning it up everytime the bowl over filled. Eventually he got better – still drinking but better.

Fast forward to 13 years old. My mum and dad got divorced – my mum couldn’t take it any longer. She left me and my older brother with him but my brother soon moved in with my mum. I was left with him – everything was my fault in his eyes. He was drunk all the time, lashing out at me, sitting me on the sofa pinning me down until I told him who I had been out with (I was with my friends) but he never believed me. He was drinking beer, vodka, whiskey – anything. He didn’t care.

By 15 I had enough, I gave up. He made me want to drink – just to see how it felt. I spent every night after school getting drunk with my friends. I didn’t enjoy it but I still did it.

At 16 I had a boyfriend and moved in with him and his mum. I stopped drinking with my friends. Me and my dad never spoke.

Fast forward again to me now nearly 10 years on. My dad is still an alcoholic, he is in a bad way. I speak to him often but hardly see him. As for me my boyfriend at 16 is now my fiancee and we have 2 beautiful children. My children dont know there grandad. My dad doesn’t come to see my children but in all honestly I dont want my children to have memories of there grandad like I’ve got of him. He is currently in the pub every morning at 10am with the shakes and out the pub at 11pm stumbling home. His liver is failing. He is dying. His whole life has been taken over by alcohol. He admits to me how much he is drinking which is still atleast 12 pints a day – that’s just in the pub. He drinks cans at home too.

Dont get me wrong there is alot I could talk about over the years with my dads alcoholism but then this post would last forever.

My dad doesn’t want help- I have tried so hard over the years but now it seems he is beyond help. I haven’t give up on him but for a fact I know he wont change.

I love my dad know matter how much he has put me through or how much he has done wrong over the years. He is still my dad – he just made a bad decision to even start drinking all of those years ago.

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