[anon2023]

Some serious advice would benefit me…

My father passed away 4 years ago after my parents split in a horrible way, resulting in him not coping well and slowly drinking more and more, then passed with liver failure. My Mum’s drinking soon got worse after that, and she ended up leaving work from PTSD and other mental health issues. All of this was from alcohol and she started to become an impulsive liar, so extreme she would lie to me and my brothers about having awful things like cancer. She would also threaten to commit suicide but never to a point where she would actually do it, and had this horrific loop. She then got Jaundis and was admitted to hospital for 3 weeks… suddenly after all of these years she became sober and kept that going for 1 year.

She re-married at this time when she wasn’t well to a guy who also drinks a lot and seems very emotionally disconnected. Every time I went home she obviously loved it and didn’t drink so much, but I felt I couldn’t be tied to it as it started to affect my own mental health.

My Mum has now relapsed and she has become so bad mentally, I barely recognize her. She had 3 ambulances called in 1 week on her as she said she had overdosed. Luckily my brother lives around the corner with his partner and 2 kids and often gets a call from my Mum’s partner when she has fully gone off the rails and starts getting physically and emotionally abusive. But every time the paramedic would examine, she was just very very drunk and had faked most of the suicidal comments she made.

I have got to a point where I put my phone on airplane mode for the day just to concentrate at work and keep my relationship positive as my anxiety and stress become too much. If I see a missed call from her or my brother I instantly start to freak out and don’t know what to do. I also feel if I go home and stay with her for a week, the second I leave she will always start again. I feel I’m stuck in a loop with her being a different person every day.

She has no real friends and not a great support network as her Mum always falls out with her, and my eldest brother doesn’t speak to her. The only people she has really, are my middle brother, her husband, and me (also.2 dogs). She is very defiant and hates even the word mentioned ‘professional help’ as I feel I can’t do anything as her daughter, and it is destroying me day by day.

I guess I’m at a lost cause and can’t stub this feeling of intense guilt and hopelessness…

[careaboutyou]

Hi anon2023,

I’m a survivor, my late husband was an alcoholic, the father of my son ( now 17 ), we had to flee the family home.

My advice is this; the drinker is responsible for themselves, shame on your Father, for drinking to much and not being there for you. Shame on your Mother, for making you and your poor local Brother into carers. THIS IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!! Your Mother should be your Mother in a care giving role, you are the Daughter.

Do not feel guilty or hopeless, live your life, happily. Your Mother has no right to ruin it!!!! The same for your middle Brother, please advise him, live your own life, leave your Mother to her own ruin. How dare her, not be a Parent to you both!!

wishing you all the freedom from these crazy addicts and a long and happy life and future. xxxx

 

 

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