[jordpx]

Hi, this is all very new to me and something I never thought I would be doing

So firstly thank you for reading.

Me and my fiancé have been together for 10 years since we were 15. when I first met my partner he hadn’t even touched a fag. I just want to say I smoke Tabacco but have never used drugs so I’m really just trying to understand everything.

My fiancé has had a lot of childhood trauma (which he never got help for in his teens) so the addiction has been going on for around 5 years (half of this time I was completely unaware) at first i admit I didn’t take to finding he was a user well and like majority of people was upset and angry and confused. After researching and talking with him ive tried for years now to simply understand. But I just can’t. I love him with all my heart and have said I want to help him on this recovery journey, he’s tried rehab (said it wasn’t for him) and has attended a few CA meetings, I was so proud of him for this and managed to stay clean for the longest time of 2 weeks! He tells me he wants to stop he admits it’s an issue and also admit the problems it’s causing. Yesterday he relapsed,slipped whatever you want to call it. My heart broke again. Because he had gone two weeks my hopes were so high to then crash down. Some people say they are more loving and talkative when they are on it however when he’s on it I could be in the same room and he wouldn’t even know. I’ve completely devoted my whole life and time to him so much so I can be paranoid if he is to go out and come across slightly obsessive and can admit the trust with this substance just isn’t there no matter how much I try to leave the questioning. I then feel guilty as hell say I’ve drove him to do it because I’ve moaned he has gone out. I do everything for this man and have now become so numb to everything it’s hard to express my feelings and if I do I worry I will be some sort of trigger towards him using.

I have high hopes one day in the future he really does put a stop to this. But for now I need people to talk to and get some advice from because I’m truely lonely.

Thank you

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