[gracey2002]

When me and my fiancé met, everything was perfect, he was athletic, stuck to the gym had a good job, didn’t drink, didn’t take anything. Then about a year into the relationship he started staying out late and not coming home until the next day, I didn’t think k anything of it as I trusted him and didn’t know he was taking drugs at the time. It started to get worse to the point where he was sneaking out at night time when I was sleeping and I would wake up to him gone, he wouldn’t answer the phone or answer any messages. He then told me one day that he had a coke addiction as I accused him of cheating so he told me what he was actually up to. When I first found out he came to me the day after he was taking it crying and sobbing his eyes out, now at the time I didn’t realise that you get a big comedown from coke as I haven’t taken anything in my life or even known if anyone who did. He kept apologising to me and saying he needs help and he wanted to be a family so I thought he was being genuine. Like an idiot I took him back. I ended up falling pregnant and throughout my WHOLE pregnancy he was out drinking all the time with his friends and sneaking out, even when u thought I was going into labour he never answered the phone to me because he was out taking coke. Everytime he has taken it he apologises and cries and says he needs help, however he won’t get any help, once I take him back it’s just straight back to square one. My daughter is here now, and I genuinely thought he was going to stop because he was so determined because all he wanted to do is be a proper dad to her, however it still Carry’s on. I have threatened to take her away from him if he doesn’t stop but even that can’t convince him. I recently split up with him due to coke but I just feel bad for him and it’s really annoying. Whenever we split up because of it he acts like the best man in the world, he showers me with gifts, doesn’t drink, goes back to the gym, focuses on work etc then as soon as I take him back he goes straight back to it.

[sam1994]

I can relate to this a lot. I am currently 13 weeks pregnant, I actually didn’t feel ready but he convinced me that it would be the turning point to change his life around. From when he knew up until now, he’s been using cocaine and then drinks after as well. Goes on binges and missing for days at a time. Whenever he’s exhausted from taking it he comes back home and says that he’s done and he’s gonna stop. He didn’t bother to attend any appointments for the service I referred him to. He’s recently got worse, started getting in trouble with the police for being intoxicated and driving his car. He started harassing me and made threats to damage property. He was told to not contact me as part of bail conditions however being so desperate for money to take more drugs he ended up breaking the conditions and showed up harassing me again. Your partner just like mine is stuck in an addiction cycle and will only recover when he breaks the pattern. I notice that after using he feels guilty and apologies but it’s only a matter of days before the irritation starts and the craving kicks in and he’s back to sneaking off again.

[gracey2002]

Yes! That’s exactly what it’s like. My ex explained it to me how when they are on a comedown their emotions are hightened and they feel depressed. Not only because they say they don’t want to do it but because of the betrayal they have caused towards you. I would end up feeling bad because he would cry and apologise and say how suicidal he feels but if you think about it that’s just the comedown, once the comedown is over they are fine and don’t regret it as much. My daughter wasn’t long born and he is still using. I have tried my hardest but he still lashes out at me and says I’ve never been there for them because I’ve left him. It gets to a point where you just can’t bear it anymore x

[sam1994]

Have you now separated from him? I just feel so sad because I think of all the good times we had and I’ve seen the potential of how normal he can be when he’s not using. I decided to have a termination which I’m going to have tomorrow, it’s really upsetting. I wish things would have turned out different but I know I can’t do this alone as I have no support and he in no state to be a parent at the moment. I am not sure where he is currently but the police are looking for him. I will feel more at rest once he’s in custody and it might just stop him using for a while

[gracey2002]

Yeh we are separated. Be done the begging thing saying it won’t happen again and that he just wants to be a family, but I’ve heard it over and over again I’ve just gotten really sick of it. I love him so much and I really tried for over a year but it got nowhere. Im so sorry to hear that! It’s really said that it has got to that point but I totally understand, if you’re not ready to bring a baby into the world then that is your choice, especially if you’re not being supported. Horrible that it has gotten to that point, it really ruins lives. Being in jail might even make him worse, my ex’s dad was a drug dealer, he came out of prison addicted to heroin. Not trying to scare you or anything but sometimes they are so desperate for anything that they will take whatever is there

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