[kittykat]

I don’t know what to do anymore so I’ll share my story all advice is welcome.

I met my fiancée through a mutual friend and we were Facebook friends for years. He made a post in 2017 about getting clean and being sorry to his family for everything. I messaged him saying I’ve been 5 years clean off opiates and that he’s doing amazing. We didn’t stop talking after that. A week later we met up went to lunch and I noticed he was extremely talkative. We went on a walk where a friend was blowing up his phone I’m talking 60 calls in 60 mins. I asked what’s up and he said oh he just wants a phone number. After that we got together and he was using again. His family knew it he put us all through a lot. We would go find him and pick him up at random houses after days. He seemed to get clean for a while , while staying at his parents and we got engaged. He used when we went on a trip for my birthday. Found some random people and got some. Left me alone in a city I didn’t know and at night. He used. After that he used on out engagement party night. We ended up moving and getting our own place. He had some MAJOR dental work done and that’s where it allllllll went downhill. He started using badly then. So bad that when I was getting drug tested for things. I was coming up Cali some positive and I didn’t know why! The only thing I can think of is transferring during sexy time ? If anyone knows more about this please lmk. So that was causing an issue. He decided to start smoking it. THE REAL HELL BEGAN. for quite a while I was in denial thought he was smoking “coco puffs” ( weed and coke ) but really it was crack. Several times a week. And drinking. The fights we got into , the things he said to me. Disgusting. He is at the worst of his addiction now. He looks AWFUL maybe 150 pounds of that and he used to be a body builder. I’ve never seen his spine and rib cage. Last week was his real big bender. 5 days and maybe 6 hours sleep. Sniffing and smoking it. It was hell I was living in. Cocaine induced physcosis is no joke. He’s out me through so much I’m obsessed over everything. I find a pipe and throw it away magically 7 more appear. I’m starting to hate him. He has no emotion towards me except anger. “Why don’t you cook anymore” “because you lie and idk when your not going to come hime high. When your high u don’t eat” everything is my fault. I’m annoying , nagging and Un-empathetic. He says I should have more empathy I went through addiction. I got myself clean. My dad passed away when I was 15 surrounding drugs. I just want to be away from drugs. It’s at the point where I have had to restart this semester in school because all he’s out me through. And he just doesn’t see it. He thinks I’m lazy. But being in a home where I’m a recovering addict myself (have no used and will not use) but I battle with myself everyday. Then he brings drugs into the home smokes it inside. I’ve decided to move back to my moms for school. I need help. I need emotional support. He knows he has a problem but won’t get help “what is talking to someone about smoking coke going to do” I’ve tried everything. And I’m hurting deeply.

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