[cornwallmother2020]

I have such a long story that is over 12 years old now & still growing. I dont know what to do with myself today or who to talk to. I cannot keep draining my best friend & I have no other support.

I had suspicions he was using again. My beautiful son has once again been injecting cocaine, using copious of amounts of valium & drinking. I should have listened to my gut. You would think after 12 years of chaos I would have lost hope. But I continue to hope. I am not naive in the slightest, I just hope.

So I am just home from making him see me for an hour. I had the usual anger & selfish responses thrown at me. He doesnt see the broken woman in front of him. I have other children that I now have to stop seeing him again, I cannot have them around him.

Last night I was told he was back at it. I vomited in my front room, then had a massive panic attack in my garden. I live alone & have no family around me so it was a scary evening. I just wanted everything to stop.

Ive been through hell & back numerous times. I thought this was all over. Its not just once either, its probably never stopped.

My heart is broken. I cannot function. I actually want to die right now rather than feel this pain. How can I work, I cannot even switch off to sleep. How can I not panic, Im on medication for it but its meaningless now. Im a poor representation of myself, my mental health goes sky high.

How can I keep this job, Im in constant fear so I cant be any good to anyone else.

I had learnt how to sleep again & stupidly trusted again. Now I return to racing heart, shaking & pure fear. Fear that he is going to die.

The last 12 years have been relentless. Ive spent so much time rescuing, worrying, looking, running, chasing. I have developed panic attacks (3 so far in the last year) & I have a tendancy to vomit when I think about what he does.

He has been in hospital so many times, Ive seen him in a coma, hes been resuscitated in front of me in his flat, been in ICU more than 4 times. Ive found him overdosed, Ive stopped him killing himself, Ive picked him in when hes beaten up & moved him to other places in the country. Ive paid debts, rescued written off cars, stood in court with him. Ive picked him up from the police station, drug houses. Hes cried in my arms, begged me to help. Hes got clean, each time he relapses its worse. He now uses needles. My beautiful boy injects himself. That’s what makes me vomit.

I cannot let my other children near him again now. He is their hero. But I have to say no. I have to look into his eyes & see the guilt & fear for myself. I have to face him when I feel so weak & so damaged by his actions. I have to bury my own guilt & repeatedly tell myself this is not all my fault.

My child for nearly 28 years is on the road to hell. He is a broken soul with the biggest heart.

Its consuming my brain. I cannot face anyone or even speak to anyone. Thank goodness for my best friend who is doing a sterling job of holding me upright. How can I care about anything else. Nothing else matters.

I feel broken. Like my actual heart is broken. I have no mum to hold me, no dad to carry me. I cannot confide in my siblings. I have no partner, no other half to hold me at night.

[ash2013]

Oh my, I feel so sad reading your words. I know exactly how you are feeling, if only there was a way to detach. There isn’t an easy way out of this.

I wanted so many times to ‘get on with my life and let my cocaine addict husband do what he wants and not let it bother me’, but how can you sit back and let someone destroy themselves right. Fact is – you have to, for YOUR own sanity, you have to detach. You can be there for support if/when he stops, but just don’t put yourself through it.

Sending massive hugs, nobody deserves to go through what you are, you are stronger than you think, but dont let him take all your happiness away. Yes, you are his mother, but first and foremost, you are you. Please don’t let him define you. xx

[cornwallmother2020]

I cried that you had replied! Thank you so much. Already I dont feel so alone.

I am a professional & worked with vulnerable people my whole life. Ive worked in rehabs & with people detoxing from hard drugs. I know about detachment, but applying it when you are in the throws of panic is near impossible right? It will come but for today I am a stunned mess.

Thank you so so so much for replying

[eddie]

This was the saddest thing. I am so sorry for what you’re going trough. My heart is breaking for you and I can literally feel your pain trough your words. My boyfriend is doing drugs and it’s killing me, I am anxious, depressed, suicidal at times, I can only imagine how it feels when it is your child.

I know this hurts, I can’t even imagine the extent when it’s your kid, but you have to find a way to find happiness, in a smallest things. In your other children, in your friend. Just smallest things, just something to get you trough the day. You are his mother, but not only his and not only that. You are here for a reason and you have to gather your strength and fight for yourself too.

I am so sorry, nobody deserves that, especially moms. I’m sending you lots of love and positive energy. Be strong!

[cornwallmother2020]

Eddie thank you for your reply & for your concern. I really appreciate your empathy towards me. I have started to write on here as a release & Im considering a blog. I like writing & can express myself. I certainly slept a bit better last night after talking on here.

The hardest thing about it is he is my child so therefore I cannot walk away.

Im here for you too. I can listen.

Last night I distracted myself & today Ive been really busy with work so I have had no time to get upset. I just keep moving. Its when I stop that it hits me. So I dont stop.

[jenny]

Taking drugs and being addicted is a completely selfish act , a choice they take when starting on this Horrendous journey . They only think of themselves and not the people who love them. They turn against us and use us . The drugs take control over their life’s and personalities. They become a shell of themselves.

It’s hard to sleep when worried about your children , it’s an illness but we all live in hope .

Sending hugs xx

[cornwallmother2020]

Gosh it is THE most selfish thing. Sitting in front of them breaking your heart, rescuing from hideous situations, pleading with them over the phone, sending video messages when you cannot cope anymore. And they look at you, they tell you that the are sorry / they know they are hurting you. But they dont know. They dont have any idea.

“how do you think it is for me?” I hate it when he says that. I feel like screaming at him then.

Its been an exhausting week. I have had headaches, little sleep, eaten poorly & a panic attack. Yet I get up at 6am, work full time, parent two other children at home & look after my gorgeous dog. But how do I think it is for him????? How about how is it trying to work & keep your job when you want to curl up & cry. Or parent two children during a pandemic & not lose the plot so they worry about you too.

I envy people with a normal life. How do they live without the constant fear? How can anyone I know relate to me?

Apologies. That was a huge rant X

[cornwallmother2020]

Gosh it is THE most selfish thing. Sitting in front of them breaking your heart, rescuing from hideous situations, pleading with them over the phone, sending video messages when you cannot cope anymore. And they look at you, they tell you that the are sorry / they know they are hurting you. But they dont know. They dont have any idea.

“how do you think it is for me?” I hate it when he says that. I feel like screaming at him then.

Its been an exhausting week. I have had headaches, little sleep, eaten poorly & a panic attack. Yet I get up at 6am, work full time, parent two other children at home & look after my gorgeous dog. But how do I think it is for him????? How about how is it trying to work & keep your job when you want to curl up & cry. Or parent two children during a pandemic & not lose the plot so they worry about you too.

I envy people with a normal life. How do they live without the constant fear? How can anyone I know relate to me?

Apologies. That was a huge rant X

[jenny]

Sending a virtual hug xxx

I have found the more I try to help the more my son dislikes me for interfering/controlling his life.

Has your son got anyone he can talk to ? A favourite cousin/uncle/Aunt / Old favourite teacher – anyone ? Any local council addiction clinics ?

While he is using he will only Really listen to the addiction .

I believe the drug is Evil and selfish – an enemy of mine and wants to control his life , the life I gave him – but for the moment I think the best way to win is to step back , not interfere/help and let the drug think it’s won – Then when my son hits HIS rock bottom and PROVES he wants help I will help with every fibre of my being.

Although hard to do – you mustn’t bail him out it only drags out the ‘hitting rock bottom’ that he must reach before he can climb up again. Don’t lend /give money , I too wish I had a normal family , my stomach is forever knotted I feel like it’s been kicked by a horse. I also don’t sleep at night and trying to keep down a job . I cry when alone . To be honest I think I should get anti depressants – but am resisting.

I wish I could kidnap him for a few months to get the need out of his system but it really has to be them , they need to want to stop.

For your other children’s sake , and your own well being , and depending on your relationship with your son , tell him you love him , tell him it’s making you ill , tell him your stepping away , until he Wants help and proves it and mean it.

Have something to look forward too helps .

Xxxxx

[cornwallmother2020]

Thank you Jenny X

I dont get involved now. I stopped last year when everything spiralled. But he still gets rescued by family members & his partner. He has support, his partner is scarily naive but supportive non the less. He is involved with the GP, the local addiction service plus some older / wiser men.

Thats an interesting way of looking at things. I have seen his rock bottom several times though & then used everything I had to support him. It has not worked in my case.

I have not bailed him out now for a long time financially. He has not stayed here for a few months now as I no longer allow that either. He is good at working / earning money so does not come to me for that.

Its awful isnt it, the pain. Constant anxiety & then taking a HUGE breath as I realised Ive been shallow breathing for days through fear.

Im on medication for anxiety & depression, but when the s*** hits the fan I dont feel a thing from it. It just keeps me above water during the good times. He knows it makes me ill but I miss him so much that I cannot stay away. I saw him yesterday & he looked amazing, really handsome & healthy. We even had a dance around his kitchen for 5 minutes. But I know its temporary or a cover up.

Its hard to have something to look forward to at the moment right? I have sometime small later – the beach & the sunset with the two teenagers here. That will do for now 🙂

Thank you XXXX

[februarymarie]

Hello- your story is my story. I just posted: “Mother of an Alcoholic Son“, before I saw your post but the story and the agony is the same. Interesting- I read your story and think, “God, please give love to that women who is suffering so much“. And yet, that woman is me too.

The past breaks your heart because you can’t stop thinking about your beautiful baby and watching them grow and loving them so much. I can’t even look at pictures of home from his childhood without sobbing. The present breaks your heart because of the fear and anxiety of what is currently happening and you’re in shock that this is your life. How did we get here?

And the future breaks your heart because it’s unknown and you feel like you’re waiting for them to die if they don’t stop. How can we live like that. It’s suffocating.

[cornwallmother2020]

Oh Ive just read your post, my heart hurts for every parent on here, there is nobody that can relate more.

Its great that we can still feel compassion for others when the pain consumes us so much already, that is a positive. I dont ever think I dont want to hear about it, I always want to hear others stories.

Oh I look at him & he is so gorgeous. Handsome, built well, blond & when he looks well he blows me & others away. I get it said to me all the time – Gosh your boy is so good looking. Yep I know, its a shame about the demons that destroy him & his looks frequently though!

I can still feel him in my arms as a toddler. I see this man taller than me & I went through so much at a young age to keep him, the emotions that invokes stops me in my tracks.

When he is using I spend every day thinking he is going to die. I know I shouldnt but that doesnt stop my mind going there.

We live because we live. Even when we cant breathe through fear, we live.

[februarymarie]

Hello Cornwall Mom- I’ve responded to you before. I’m the mom with the alcoholic son. I wanted to reach out- I’m just having a really bad day.

I posted above that he had sent a profuse apology for how he treats me when he’s drinking. He said, “You know that’s not me right?” Well, unfortunately, it’s mostly him because that’s really all I get to see. I know the good guy is in there, but does it really matter? It’s not who they currently are. As expected, I have not heard from him at all since that text on July 23rd. I too, have not reached out. But then I get to a place where I start getting anxiety when I haven’t heard anything and start crying more. We were a lot like you and your son. I had him when I was 19 and he was my sunshine. A very blonde boy with ringlet curls. We were very close for a mother and son and I treasured that. I don’t know how to let that part go. He tells me that I’m the most important thing in his life and clearly that’s not true.

I’ve been privately crying a lot, and couldn’t take it anymore, so I sent him a text telling him how sad I am and that I miss him. I basically poured my heart out to him. I feel like he doesn’t care about me at all. He talks to no one right now. He does not have a girlfriend or a job. As I mentioned on my post, he’s living off a small inheritance from his grandfather. I can’t control the money, so he has no reason to stop. He will run out of money, but it could take a year. He rarely leaves his apartment. He’s not in touch with any family members ( except me occasionally). I worry about his mental state.

Anyway, no surprise, after pouring my heart out to him, he didn’t even respond. And here I am, left again to my tears and he’s probably drinking away whatever emotion it invoked in him. Then the mind starts, and I think “is he dead and that’s why he’s not responding?” Then I get mad at myself for reaching out at all and setting myself up for this. And I don’t know how to not do it. He’s my son.

[cornwallmother2020]

I can hear the hurt in your message & I wish I could reach out & help you in person. Personally I would go around there, if he doesnt answer or is out then put a note through explaining you have been & that you love him.

I have no advice for the reaching out or not. I cannot help myself so I just do what I feel at the time. Rightly or wrongly.

Be kind to yourself please & know that you have a crowd of people who understand and support you.

[kate1]

I share your nightmare my 28 year old son is addicted to cocaine I have given him food, cash, paid debts and dealers he has financially brought me to my knees. I am now doing what I should have done 10 years ago and I now won’t and can’t afford to give him anything he threatens, insults, swears and manipulates me. I am so very tired and see no end to it. My biggest fear is that he will end up on the streets but I can’t help anymore because it isn’t helping

[februarymarie]

Hi Kate- I’m so sorry to hear about your son too. The unkindness after all we’ve done for them is just unbelievable! It took me a good 8-10 years to finally stop doing so much. I thought that is what loving mothers do. I haven’t given him money in a long time. I live in fear that he will become homeless too and I will have to be strong because he will have to face the consequences of his life. It’s so hard to live this life every day as their parents. When they have a good moment, we’re so relieved and remember what it feels like to breathe and live like normal people. I must admit, I’m jealous of people who do. You’re not alone, which is why I’m here too. I feel so alone sometimes, but I can gain strength just from knowing that at least someone understands the craziness we live. I’m here for you anytime you want to reach out.. hugs. ❤

[jenny]

Yes I find myself looking at photos of him as a child and staring into his sparkling eyes wondering how we got to this , we’re not even speaking . His Eyes no longer sparkle. He’s still only 32 .

It helps me in a way to think he’s made his choices and whatever I do or say it only makes him worse , the drugs have affected his personality , made him volatile and paranoid .He hates both me and his dad .

[cornwallmother2020]

I hear you. Im not hated but I know he feels like hes failing & thats heart breaking when he tells me Im his hero. If Im his hero & he loves me so much then why the constant pain?? I, of course, know the answer.

Our beautiful boys…..

[februarymarie]

My son and I were so very close, it makes the separation that much more intense. He tells me I’m the most important person to him and I’m all he has, which sadly, is somewhat true. He’s pushed everyone away including his family. He has no friends at this time. And of course, if I’m so important to him, why does he hurt me so bad? Because he’s addicted to alcohol and that’s the most important thing in his life. He doesn’t blame me for his problems, but he definitely takes it out on me. I’m at a point where I’m distancing myself from him because I know that’s what’s for best for me.

My husband, tells me to just stop thinking about him, its so difficult for me.

I’m so, so, very grateful to have found this place. You experience so many shocking things with an addict- some things you can’t even tell people.

[februarymarie]

Yes Jenny, the alcohol has made my son someone I hardly know. I think he’s starting to lose his mental faculties and it terrifies me. Last summer he was so bad, I did what the “experts” tell you to do and called a mental help line for him. They told me all they do is call him and try to engage him and see if he would be willing to talk. They called me back and said that they left a message and that because confidentiality laws, they couldn’t tell me if he called back. He never said anything to me, so I assume he didn’t call back. It escalated to the point I called for a wellness check with the police and they went and knocked on his apartment door and they called me and said he didn’t answer. Why would he? He probably looked through his peephole and saw the police. They said that was all they could do. I felt so crushed and helpless.

My son is also not talking to me right now. I’ve heard from him once in over a couple of months. He says he needs to be alone to “think” about things and that he would not respond to any contact for a month. I feel stuck. Part of me wants to reach out, part of me is scared to. If he doesn’t respond, then I get that sick feeling that something is wrong. Sometimes he’s kind of normal. Or he’s mean and that hurts so much. It’s such a no win situation. Which is worse- hearing from him and he’s not good or not hearing from him and then I suffer too?

[februarymarie]

As I mentioned in previous posts, we’re hardly speaking right now. About 3 weeks ago, I called him and texted just to say hi. He eventually texted back and was obviously intoxicated. He told me to stop harassing him and that if I knew what love was about I would realize that. Huh??? I didn’t respond and haven’t reached out at all. Of course it hurt.

Yesterday he texted and said he owed me a huge apology and admitted that he was drinking. He said he didn’t mean what he said, he’s very sorry and he’s trying again to get sober, and that he missed me and loved me. He didn’t ask for anything.

The first relief is he’s alive. We’ve been down this road many times. I told him I’m cheering him on with prayer and love and that was it. I have to hold my heart. This is the crazy train that we live….

[jenny]

February Marie I’m sending hugs , I sometimes think we loved our children too much when they were growing up.

The world has changed , for years there has been less opportunity and no hope of finding a soulmate with all this tinder , Facebook and social media , in the old days you could meet people at family gatherings and through friends. I think a lot of young adults hit the booze or drugs as they are lonely and bored. Then it becomes addictive , and their way of coping with life. It’s an illness .

I also didn’t have contact for 5 weeks with my son who is addicted to cocaine and alcohol , in the end after ignoring my texts and email , I had to knock on his door.

If your son is not replying to you then go round there , he’s not answering because he’s ashamed and possibly depressed.

I would make contact he seems like a lovely young man who still has a conscience, although he needs to get help , ask him if he’s ready For that help then research local authority clinics that may help .

[februarymarie]

Thank you Jenny- hugs back to you too. I just have to be nice to myself. I had to reach out so I did and that’s that. Sometimes it’s okay and sometimes I’m sorry I did.

You are right about one thing. In my case, I definitely emotionally coddled my children. They had lost their dad at such a young age that I didn’t want them to hurt, so I think I gave them too soft of a landing all the time instead of just letting them experience and face hard things. All three of my kids don’t have great coping skills and clearly my son doesn’t since he turns to alcohol whenever life is too hard. I’m somewhat relieved to hear that you feel the same way. I though it was just us Americans who coddled that generation too much. We call it the Entitlement Generation because they think life owes them something just for existing. We overly praised them for really not doing a whole lot. I’m pretty sure my parents would have told me to figure it out and get it together and they would definitely NOT have given me the money I used to give him if I had acted the way he does. They would have probably tried to get me help, but I can’t see them not living their own lives if I were addicted. In the past, I think I helped him out because I thought he’d appreciate the help and get on with his life. It didn’t work, it just enabled him more. I stopped giving him money a long time ago, but I’m embarrassed for some of the things I’ve done for him. It’s almost like I’ve tried to carry this burden with him so he wouldn’t feel alone, and yet very little of what I’ve attempted to do has made a change in him. I feel a bit better today because I reached out. It helped to unload some grief. ????

[cornwallmother2020]

Oh I definitely ‘coddled’ my son too. As a very young mum, who had a period of homelessness & issues myself – I spent years trying to make up for what I thought were MY failings. So although I had rules & routine, I let him get away with a lot of things that I refuse to allow my other children to do. I guess I have learnt from my mistakes.

He had access to money from a young age & influences from his dads side of the family. They are drink dependant & his dad has huge drug issues too. I regret the choice of man I made his father, but at 15 what did I know?

On a good day I refuse to look back & have regret / guilt. On a bad day I consume myself with it & it takes over. I understand that I did what I did at the time & I cant go back. Living with a child that has drug issues to this extreme is like living with grief all the time, its exhausting & I hear you .

[februarymarie]

Thank you Cornwallmother. I really appreciate you reaching out. I’m sorry for the delay in responding, I’m in the United States and you’re 7 hours ahead but we’ll manage. 🙂

I guess I just do what you are doing. I just have to reach out sometimes and it mostly doesn’t work, but I can’t help it. I think you’re right, there’s no right or wrong in it. It’s a matter of what it does to me. Sometimes it makes me feel better, sometimes not. Thanks for listening- I needed it. And I’m here for you too..

❤

[cornwallmother2020]

Please dont apologise, life gets in the way too.

Always talk. Even if you dont know why or what to say. Talking kills the power of negative thoughts for me & this is why we are on this forum.

I have learnt not to smother my son. I spend years contacting him ALL the time. We still text daily & Im grateful he is in a good place right now. But I dont need to know every detail of his life.

Much love

[februarymarie]

If you are okay with it, I’d love to be able to reach out to you from time to time. I think we share some similarities in our stories. And I’m here for you too, anytime you need to talk… hugs.

❤

[februarymarie]

I hear you too. It sounds like your life has been a roller coaster like mine. I hope just for today you have some peace and a beautiful day. ❤

[jenny]

Sending hugs to all , I read that having an addiction makes them very selfish , they seem to loose any empathy for other people . I bought and am reading the book ‘mum lend me £20’ it’s a true story of a lady who lost one of her twins both who where addicted to heroin . She bailed them out loads of times remortgaging her home. Losing her life savings for old age.

My son is on the verge on homelessness , he’s sofa surfing. He’s not easy to live with so they won’t put up with him for long.

I have found out he has been arrested and charged with having a class A drug on him and is due to go to a magistrates court in September I think it’s the 1st time he’s been charged . He comes ‘home’ daily to eat and my watch went missing at the weekend? Life’s a strain and the only option I have come too is to move to another area. He isn’t ready to give up the cocaine.

[kate1]

Thank you Jenny my son text me last night could I take him to get some food. Which I did I let him pay mainly because at the min I am broke. We didn’t speak much I told him I would get some food for his freezer when I am paid but he said no he was ok. So now I am leaving it I won’t contact him but will respond if he needs to call me. It’s hard all I want is my son leading a relatively normal life. Please god x

[jenny]

I’m going to be honest here and say as a loving mother I want to punch the need for the drugs and alcohol out of him. I want to punch him , punch him hard , Keep on punching him , punch that desire , punch that craving , I want to beat the hell out of it ! I want to destroy it., and believe me if I could see it I would .

I won’t give money to feed it.

I’m a normal 58 year old mum Who should be enjoying life instead of all the heartbreak , and anxiety , and scared in case my son dies.

[kate1]

Yes I agree I get so angry when he calls me wheedling for yet more money. He has almost brought me to my knees taking cash and not giving a damn if I can afford it. I invited him for a bar b que recently he went to the loo and I found 10 pound which I had got out to give him so he could get to work had gone from my purse. I just dispair

[februarymarie]

Kate- that’s all I want is a normal life for my son ( and me too!). My son is a very bright young man who was in the process of getting his PhD in Philosophy. He had received some scholarships and awarded conferences for his work. He was good at it. And he has drank it all away. He will not be able to finish his PhD and now he drinks because of the disappointment of that. He blames our education system that he says doesn’t support his type of degree and that our education system isn’t free, even though he was unwilling to work during his studies and lived off of the loans. Meanwhile he has accumulated a massive student debt that he most likely never be able to pay back in his lifetime which gives him anxiety so he drinks. He’s alone- he doesn’t even date. I don’t know how he would find someone to share his life with the massive debt he has. My standards for him have gotten so low, that I don’t care if he lives the rest of his life in his small apartment as long as he’s sober, paying his own way and generally content. I’d take that.

[kate1]

Yes same here I don’t expect a lot just a son who is normal and please god one day that will come back it feels like I have never know him outside of the grip of dealers and cocaine. He has missed so much and so have i

[jenny]

If he’s working and holding down a job that’s a good thing. Xxx

My watch??? I can’t ask him – as my other son (younger) said that it’s probably been pawned and when he get his universal credit money he will buy it back and then I will find !!! it somewhere in the house . Then I will ask. I’m hoping it comes back as Im lost without the time.

Let’s all agree

It’s not our fault we did our best we are not to blame – they made the choice and keeping choosing it over everything else.

We can provide support but without actual money being given – as they will spend it on their drug of choice.

Let’s all pray that they reach their ‘rock bottom’ and seek help as only they can for it to truly work.

Try and find moments of laughter and fun in our own life’s or else the drugs win twice.

We have been given this burden for reason

[februarymarie]

Yes, Jenny I have been so angry at my son. I have dreams of slapping him in the face over and over. I also read a lot of books, they really help me. I need to hear what other people did in this addiction situation because the scenarios I find myself in are so shocking to me. My son has experienced so many intense and dangerous things that I was convinced would be his “bottom”. I have two daughters who are living normal lives- praise God, so it can’t all be my fault. I’ve had to reach a point with him where I support him emotionally to a point and try not to enable in any way. It’s insanity sometimes how you could hate them and love them so much.

[februarymarie]

Hi cornwallmother2020. I’ve been thinking of you. You were one of the very first people to reach out to me about my alcoholic son, and I really appreciated that.

Things haven’t been great with him these past couple of years. He went to the hospital to get sober a couple of weeks ago and I hope he still is. Unfortunately, things have gotten so bad with him when he drinks, that he’s crazy and mean when he does and I have had to really distance myself from him pretty significantly. I’ve thought about you and I hope that your son is doing well and that you are doing well too. ❤

[lalu54]

I wanted to say something to help you feel better. But I know from personal experience that is not possible. I never knew you could feel so many conflicting emotions at one time and not go crazy. When I feel like I’m falling apart I try to just breathe slowly and say “ breath in calm…breath out stress”. I hope it helps you to know that there are others going through similar situations and you are not alone.

[februarymarie]

Hi lalu54- thanks for that! We all need each other just to have safe place to express ourselves. You may like to look at the thread “Theresa”. It is a very active thread of parents with adult addicted children. Blessings to you…. ❤

[cornwallmother2020]

So its been a while. I have had the worst ten days of my life. My son relapsed so badly that he ended up on the streets in a city hundreds of miles from me. I dont have any answers for the details but he is on his way to see me now. I am scared, shaking so badly.

I had ten days of missing persons reports, opening and closing them. A literal man hunt on social media with thousands of reposts. He was attempting suicide, sectioned at one point, arrested and charged, released twice. He was running and running. Ending up smoking heroin, which is a first for him.

In the end we had people go to the city to find him on foot and they did. The police let me down at every turn, mis information and complete ineptness. I will never waste my time with them as it was us that stopped him in the end.

I know I probably dont make sense and I dont know if anyone will read this but I needed an outlet.

Love to you all

[cornwallmother2020]

So its been a while. I have had the worst ten days of my life. My son relapsed so badly that he ended up on the streets in a city hundreds of miles from me. I dont have any answers for the details but he is on his way to see me now. I am scared, shaking so badly.

I had ten days of missing persons reports, opening and closing them. A literal man hunt on social media with thousands of reposts. He was attempting suicide, sectioned at one point, arrested and charged, released twice. He was running and running. Ending up smoking heroin, which is a first for him.

In the end we had people go to the city to find him on foot and they did. The police let me down at every turn, mis information and complete ineptness. I will never waste my time with them as it was us that stopped him in the end.

I know I probably dont make sense and I dont know if anyone will read this but I needed an outlet.

Love to you all

[cornwallmother2020]

So its been a while. I have had the worst ten days of my life. My son relapsed so badly that he ended up on the streets in a city hundreds of miles from me. I dont have any answers for the details but he is on his way to see me now. I am scared, shaking so badly.

I had ten days of missing persons reports, opening and closing them. A literal man hunt on social media with thousands of reposts. He was attempting suicide, sectioned at one point, arrested and charged, released twice. He was running and running. Ending up smoking h, which is a first for him.

In the end we had people go to the city to find him on foot and they did. The police let me down at every turn, mis information and complete ineptness. I will never waste my time with them as it was us that stopped him in the end.

I know I probably dont make sense and I dont know if anyone will read this but I needed an outlet.

Love to you all

[cornwallmother2020]

So its been a while. I have had the worst ten days of my life. My son relapsed so badly that he ended up on the streets in a city hundreds of miles from me. I dont have any answers for the details but he is on his way to see me now. I am scared, shaking so badly.

I had ten days of missing persons reports, opening and closing them. A literal man hunt on social media with thousands of reposts. He was attempting s, sectioned at one point, arrested and charged, released twice. He was running and running. Ending up smoking h, which is a first for him.

In the end we had people go to the city to find him on foot and they did. The police let me down at every turn, mis information and complete ineptness. I will never waste my time with them as it was us that stopped him in the end.

I know I probably dont make sense and I dont know if anyone will read this but I needed an outlet.

Love to you all

[cornwallmother2020]

So its been a while. I have had the worst ten days of my life. My son relapsed so badly that he ended up on the streets in a city hundreds of miles from me. I dont have any answers for the details but he is on his way to see me now. I am scared, shaking so badly.

I had ten days of missing persons reports, opening and closing them. A literal man hunt on social media with thousands of reposts.

In the end we had people go to the city to find him on foot and they did. The police let me down at every turn, mis information and complete ineptness. I will never waste my time with them as it was us that stopped him in the end.

I know I probably dont make sense and I dont know if anyone will read this but I needed an outlet.

Love to you all

[cornwallmother2020]

So its been a while. I have had the worst ten days of my life. My son relapsed so badly that he ended up on the streets in a city hundreds of miles from me. I dont have any answers for the details but he is on his way to see me now. I am scared, shaking so badly.

I had ten days of missing persons reports, opening and closing them. A literal man hunt on social media with thousands of reposts.

In the end we had people go to the city to find him on foot and they did. The police let me down at every turn, mis information and complete ineptness. I will never waste my time with them as it was us that stopped him in the end.

I know I probably dont make sense and I dont know if anyone will read this but I needed an outlet.

Love to you all

[cornwallmother2020]

So its been a while. I have had the worst ten days of my life. My son relapsed so badly that he ended up on the streets in a city hundreds of miles from me. I dont have any answers for the details but he is on his way to see me now. I am scared, shaking so badly.

I know I probably dont make sense and I dont know if anyone will read this but I needed an outlet.

Love to you all

[cornwallmother2020]

So its been a while. I have had the worst ten days of my life. J relapsed so badly that he ended up on the streets in a city hundreds of miles from me. I dont have any answers for the details but he is on his way to see me now. I am scared, shaking so badly.

I know I probably dont make sense and I dont know if anyone will read this but I needed an outlet.

Love to you all

[cornwallmother2020]

Why cant I comment anymore? 🙁

[cornwallmother2020]

So its been a while. Ive just had ten days from hell. My son ended up street homeless hundreds of miles away. It ended with us tracking him down ourselves after complete ineptness from the police. Ten days of suicide attempts, a sectioning, an arrest and charge, using H with the homeless. My poor boy. I don tmake any sense but i Needed an outlet. 7

Love to you all X

[lindyloo]

Hi Cornwallmother,

I’m so sorry to read this. You, your son and family must have been to hell and back. I thank God that you tracked him down.

Surely after all he’s been through (and you) there will be some kind of support for him. Sounds like he will need some kind of residential rehabilitation, I can’t think this will be easy to deal with at home.

It’s heartbreaking to see them make these terrible choices through mental health issues and addiction.

My son has alcohol and cocaine addictions, I understand the hurt addiction causes in a family.

I hope you’re getting counselling and advice for the next step for him.

Please know that everyone here will be thinking and praying for you.

Stay strong

Lx ❤️

[lindyloo]

P.s. Read Kulstars story, two threads below yours on Share your Story. He is a person in recovery offering support and advice from another perspective.

Lx

[cornwallmother2020]

I cant find it and can’t work out how to X

[februarymarie]

HI Cornwallmother, I just posted on the Theresa thread that I told you about above. That should pop it up to the top spot on the Share your Story thread.

[cornwallmother2020]

Ive just started reading the story but I need a break. I feel resentful.

Anyway I saw your comment on there – we have sons of the same age. Yours has been clean for over a year? Mine told me 9 months but this turned out to be untrue, easy to hide when you are 100’s of miles away.

I sound bitter today. I guess I am sad so this comes out as bitterness. Its probably the wrong time for me to be sharing with people, I am so so so raw from the last ten days.

I will catch up more on here soon, when Ive turned back into my nicer, sunnier self 😉 XXX

[lindyloo]

You’ve been through such a lot Cornwallmother.

No one judges you here.

Take care.

Lx

[februarymarie]

Hi Cornwallmother- I remember you. If you go back through your thread, you’ll find me. I’ve often thought of you and how you and your son are doing. You were one of the first people to reach out to me when I posted a few years ago.

I’m really sorry to hear the nightmare you are going through still. It sounds awful. I’m still living my story with my son since I’m still here.

You are not alone. There is a great forum on here with moms who have addicted sons. Go to the adfam home page, then on the bottom left, click on the From the Forum tab, and then the Share your Story tab and click View All. If you scroll down, there is a thread under Theresa and you will see that there is a huge amount of posts on there. It is filled with stories of moms and their addicted sons. It is full of wonderful women, including Lindyloo above (Hi Lindyloo). She is the sweetest person. If you had the desire too, you could read through the posts, which could take a bit, but it is full of help and support which we all need. They don’t judge, they understand and we all need that on this crazy journey.

I’ll be praying for you and your family. It sounds like you are in a high stress mode right now. I hope that you able to take some moments of rest to deal with it all.

I hope to see you over on Theresa.

❤️❤️❤️

[cornwallmother2020]

Hello again

My plan tonight is to read back through my story and to delve into others. I cannot get through this alone.

Thank you for replying, I will search for that other thread now X

[februarymarie]

*I’ve done the same thing as you with hitting submit over and over. It’s confusing because after you hit ‘submit’, it says ‘submitting’ and then resorts back to the ‘submit’ button. I’ve found that if you go out of the forum and then back in, you can see that your comment actually went through.

❤️

Take care of yourself.

[Author]

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