[nk123]

Hi, I just found this forum and I’m thinking maybe if I write this down it will help. But I don’t even know where to start. I’ve know my husband 13 years and been married almost 6. At one point he used to drink every day, recently he’s cut down to a few times a week but 90% of the time he does drink its heavy. When he’s on annual leave from work he drinks every day. His excuse is I work hard I can enjoy. I’ve cut down stop telling me to stop. I can’t completely give up because my family do it. If I don’t drink I can’t sleep. I don’t know if he’s an addict because every year when it is Ramadhan he stops cold turkey for 30 days without any problems. My family have only started accepting him because of me they don’t like him in general. He’s been physically abusive a few time’s and been arrested but none of this seems to matter to him. The man I used to adore disgusts me now. I don’t want to spend time with him or go anywhere with him because he drinks and his behaviour mortifies me. I went to my mums for a week and he came begging and crying then it was the month of Ramadhan and we had such a perfect 30 days together. Ramadhan has been over less than a week and he’s completely neglected me and gotten drunk every day. I’m so fed up I just don’t know what to do.

[foxy]

Hi,I’ve just joined the group too.I’m in a slightly different situation to you but my husband has had drinking problems too,so I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone.The first thing I did was ask my doctor for advice and then when my husband finally accepted he needed help the GP saw him too and referred him to a centre that helps with alcohol and drug problems. Hope things get better for you

[nk123]

ThankS for messaging made me feel better! I’ve spoken to the doctor so many times. My husband has even been told by the doctor (when he’s been in hospital due to gastritis) he just doesn’t listen. Makes him unwell, affects the marriage but just doesn’t get it. How do you fix it?! ???? it’s so stressful! Hope things get better for you too!!

[robb]

Unless they admit and willing to seek help there isn’t much you can say, each person I believe has a defining moment where they see how much damage they are causing to them self’s or there love ones, I believe my partner realise this when she was giving 6months to live.

Before this, just mentioning alcohol caused her to flare up and cause arguments.

Hope he comes to realise how much hurt he is putting you through.

You aren’t alone though this.

[nk123]

You are right! I’m glad your partner realised although it must have been scary to find out just 6 months to live! To be honest I just want to separate I have told him to leave but he says no he pays half the rent! I am trying to find somewhere else but it’s not easy. He says no to a divorce too, tells me I think marriage is a joke or I’m trying to leave him because I’m cheating on him! It’s very hurtful.

[robb]

It was shock she needed to reach out for help. It’s been a very long road, she still drinks, but nothing like the litre of vodka she was drinking each day, sometimes 2 litres.

I’ve recently been in that situation, we pretty much broke up, she throw me out our home. Lucky enough the hotel I work for was happy enough to put me in one if there rooms till I sort things out. Sadly me moving out made things worse, she couldn’t pay the bills, she constantly stressed about everything, stopped eating, couldn’t walk the dog, even though I said I would help with the bills and walk the dog each day. So we agreed for like the 10th time that we would try again. Silly I know but since she’s been trying and I would hate to see her in a worse condition after all she has been through.

I’ve been accused of everything she could think off when she was in her bad states.

But I do believe in some cases it’s best to leave and stay gone.

A friend had said to me a few months back.

You only have one life. When it’s gone, it’s gone. Do you want to spend your one life worrying, being unhappy, fighting, being scared or would you rather have peace, happiness, a life.

[nk123]

Wow that is a lot of drink, my husband drink up to 70cl on his own when he’s with others it goes up to crazy amounts! When he used to drink beers it was still not as bad but now he doesn’t have those because any canned beverage gives him stomach pains due to his gastro issues.

Sorry she threw you out. I don’t want to be judgemental but seems it’s her fault but you suffered. It’s nice you helped her out, that’s the thing we don’t want to see our loved ones suffer but they don’t see it there’s just neglect and unappreciative behaviour.

My husband is becoming increasingly selfish he doesn’t care I have work early he’s drunk and loud until the early hours of the morning and when I’m up and getting ready he screams at me he needs sleep. He just expects me to cook clean etc and do my day job because I’m the wife. I just don’t know what world he’s living in.

Your friend is so right, I feel like I’ve wasted 8 years of my life with him. I’m so unhappy but he keeps saying I’m running away from the problem!

[robb]

He may see it that way, you should remind him that your not running away, he’s decided to stop moving forward, you haven’t.

[nk123]

Yes you’re right. But you know sometimes you get to the point you’re like ‘you know what think what you want it no longer makes a difference’. No matter what I do I’m always going to be the villain in his side of the story I guess. Just hoping i can find a decent place to move too soon!

[robb]

I know what you mean.

I wish you all the luck in finding a place of your own!

[nk123]

Thank you so much for being there

[robb]

Think we are all here for each other, most people don’t understand what’s it’s like, good to finally chat to others who know.

Thank you

[Author]

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