[dfh]

You can’t help him, he is responsible for getting help. The more you try the less he will want to. By all means get some info on where to get help and help him that way but your just going to wear yourself out trying to make him.

You can lead a horse to water and all that.

14 years in the same boat as you has taught me a lot. Nothing is ever enough, there’s always a reason or excuse why they cant/won’t get help, it’s mainly someone else’s fault and they will lie, beg and steal to get their next hit. You will never know the true extent of their addiction.

Stop battling him and start focussing on you and your kids. Distract yourself with them. They need you, he doesn’t. He’s an adult.

My husband has chosen crack and heroin over family, managed to miss out on 3 kids growing up and has wasted money and time on drugs. I havent allowed myself to waste time on trying to change him. And I’m glad. I hope you get the strength you need to concentrate 100% on your kids and not on him. Look after yourself. Be kind to yourself. X

[scraggs]

Hi. I totally get it. My 23 Yr old son has been suffering from ptsd and very complicated emotional issues for 5 years now. He is on a shed load of prescription meds including the equivalent of 360mg morphine a day. I’m a nurse and have lost lots of jobs as he self harms and ends up where I work. I suspected he was injecting his prescription medication and turned out to be right. But just in the last few months I found out he’s been using heroin and cocaine, weed whatever else. He is struggling to have any sort of normal exsistance and I have now paid nearly 2k in drug debts so he doesn’t get beaten up. As well as this he’s wasted over 6k in benefits and he still owes money. Due to severity of his self harm he wouldn’t survive a beating so I’m held over a barrel all the time to pay of these thugs.

I can’t afford to do this and my husband walked out a few weeks ago because 8 didn’t tell him I’d paid quite so much so he felt hurt and betrayed.. I’m losing my sanity and my life is miserable and I can’t think straight. We’ve nearly lost our son on several occasions over the last 5 years due to self harm so I’m extra protective… I feel trapped. If I say I’m going to the police he begs me not too as it’ll make it worse for him.. How much worse does it have to get. My husband came back afwtr one night but the strain is so difficult between us. We’re doing our best to cope.

My son apparently agreed to sell drugs for these dealers so he could get some for himself, he wouldn’t sell them but took them all over a period of time and that’s why he owes so much.. I have nightmares, I cant focus on my relationships with others and my work and health is suffering and I feel railroaded and hate it when I see his number come up in my phone.. More money. ????

[dfh]

Stop. You need to stop. Stop giving him money and stop letting your son get in between you and your husband.

What if you didn’t have the money to give him? What would you do then?

I get your situation. My husband is the same, constantly asking for money. Small difference is he actually pays it back BUT I still spend half my life pretending to be and telling him I’m skint. He finds it elsewhere. 9 times out of 10 the dealers aren’t owed that much. They don’t allow debt and if they did then it wouldn’t be a lot. Sounds like your son has found the key to having you as his cash machine. You need to brave up. Tell him that 2k was the last of your money. You don’t have anymore. Stand your ground. Imagine if it was the last you had. Stick to it.

I once told my husband I had 23 pound to last a week. He took it. I knew he would but I just wanted to know if he would put me and 3 kids in a position where we had 3 pound to our name. That’s when I learnt that your only as good as your bank balance to them. Luckily I lied, it did stop him asking for that week so I’ve done that ever since.

I’ve stood back and watched him pawn gold chains, ipad and even his wedding ring. It’s awful but they are his things and he’s got to learn.

He promised to go rehab but now uses that as a excuse. He says he won’t go rehab if no one trust’s him but uses that as a way to get round people.

You have to either stay one step ahead or back off and detach.

I’ve tried both, one I tried for years the other I’ve put in place over last few months. You are better off detaching. Do it slowly if need be but do not give him any more money. Concentrate on your marriage instead.

Hugs xx

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