Hi,
Thanks for sharing your story. So sorry that you are having such a tough time. If you would like to contact us at Icarus Trust , the charity i work for, you would be able to speak with one of our Family Friends. They are trained very experienced and good listeners. They would be able to help you answer some of your questions and would let you know what other support is available.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best to you.