[prawney10]

Hi I can completely relate. My partner and I have struggled the past 2.5 years as his drinking has just got worse. He also changes when he gets really drunk and has been verbally aggressive and spiteful. He changes completely. Some days he drinks 4 cans of beers other 18. I worry that he will make himself really poorly. This all stemmed from his dad dying. He has turned into such an awful person when he drinks and he was horrible to my 12 year old Niece on Christmas Day and my family no longer want to speak to him and don’t want me to be with him. When he is sober he is caring, thoughtful, giving and such a hard worker. It’s just awful. I completely understand how you feel. I don’t really know what to do about it and feel torn 🙁

[ever87]

Thank you for replying! I feel you as I know my husband is so caring and nice when he’s sober! But as soon as he hits the spirits there is no talking or reasoning with him. I’ve got to the point that I feel like walking away from it all! I’ve put up with his ways for 12 years now…surely I’m better off on my own!? And my children having to see this most days!?

[ever87]

To actually speak on here is like a weight lifted off my shoulders that there’s actually people going through the same thing ????

[prawney10]

It’s so hard isn’t it. I wish I could advise you what to do. I have tried to get my partner to stop drinking but doing it in a positive way saying drink is stopping us both from having the life we want. He lasted two weeks and complained about not drinking most days. Then went back to drinking even more. I think they have to make the decision and admit they have a problem and want to change. I’ve read a few things that say as their spouse you have to look after yourself. It helps speaking to someone maybe getting support for yourself that might help you make a decision about what you want to do?

[ever87]

Thank you so much. So tonight was another episode where reasoning doesn’t happen! I feel ashamed and embarrassed speaking to my friends and family as I feel they just wouldn’t get it and just see the funny drunk side of my husband and can never see the effects it brings on my relationship with him and my children. Feel a sense of guilt that they have to grow up with this life seeing us argue and their father drinking daily! Maybe I do need to speak to someone for support as I feel I’m on the brink of a divorce ????

[prawney10]

Definitely do as I don’t want to give you the wrong advice. You’ve been dealing with this for so much longer. I just know we shouldn’t cover anything up as I think that’s enabling them. It’s not fair that you’re dealing with it on your own with no support from friends or family. I’m happy to chat on here but if you ring maybe Drinkaware they can give websites numbers of people that can help. It’s the same for me we go out and I say please don’t drink loads and everything thinks I’m just being unfair and to leave him alone, but they don’t have to deal with the things that you and I do 🙁

[mjmb]

Hi Ever87 I am new to this forum and haven’t been brave enough yet to write my story but have taken comfort from some of the threads on here that ring so true to what has been happening in my life.

Your comment about friends and family just seeing the funny drunk side of your husband really hit a nerve as my children and I both find that really difficult. On the one hand there is this person who friends see – kind, helpful and funny and the flip side is the one that I thought only we saw which is the drunk, or partially drunk person.

Things got really bad this year and I did open up to a couple of close friends. I was amazed to find that they had either realised or suspected something was wrong. They have been an absolute pillar of support for the whole family. I chose who I confided in carefully as some friends wouldn’t have understood or would have been judgemental, I also wanted to pick friends who would be supportive of my husband if he needed them. I also spoke to a counsellor through a scheme provided at work and found that very helpful, in particular to realise I had been enabling my husband’s alcoholism.

I found being open and honest with our children (they are older – late teen and early twenties) was incredibly painful but really helpful as now we can properly support each other. I think I thought I was helping them by trying to cover up and carry on as normal but instead it shut me off from the affects of having an alcoholic father.

Whatever you choose to do I hope you get some well deserved support for you and your family.

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