[2468]

It is a nightmare we live in mine is my son lies stealing but giving up on him I can’t but it ruins families and yes I’m enabler but I find it so hard to not fall for his lies so don’t beat yourself up ur doing your best. People have no idea unless it is happening to them my husband his stepfather included his answers chuck him out causes to much stress all round I hope it sorts for u but it’s a long bumpy ride

[ceciliamarie]

You sound like a lovely girl and you are enabling him by being too soft. I know this because I have done it myself. I have had a drug addict father of my children for many years. You are being unrealistic if you think it doesn’t affect your child. It will one day.

I provided for my children and couldn’t rely on him at all financially and he would take money from my purse if he ran out. You need your man to face up to why he feels the need to do this. He will never be able to give you anything back and you better be a very strong independent woman because you will need to be. I have stayed with my husband but I am not sure that it was the right thing to do. I have lovely children grown up now but they are emotionally scarred by the fact their father had mental health and drug problems. They are not addicts though.

[lostgirl]

I have no answer for you but I could have written that.

Been with my husband 9years, married for 6, with a 4 year old and 1 year old. He is ok in the week, sometimes lovely, sometimes a bit moody but generally normal, however every weekend he likes a drink and can’t drink without the coke, can work Saturday morning, go out Saturday afternoon and not come home until Sunday morning and then spend all day in bed. It’s gone past being a social thing he does on nights out with friends and will now bring it home and sit downstairs on his own drinking and taking drugs all night. I have told him if he ever brings them in the house I will divorce him, but I sit upstairs and know what is going on downstairs and just can’t face coming down to deal with it. He leaves most of the childcare to me, but when he does interact with the kids they love it and I don’t want to split them up. I don’t see it getting better though, and the longer it goes on the worse I imagine it will get, I give ultimatums but he does it anyway and i stay, i don’t know how bad it will have to get or what will make me draw the line and stick to it

[icarus-trust]

Hi Chelle,

Really sorry to read your sad story. I am so glad that you have a supportive network around you and your daughter but if you needed anyone else to talk to please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people like you who are living with the addictive behaviour of a family membe rand have a team of trained and experienced people who would listen to you.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org

I hope that this helps. Good luck.

[desperate]

Hi Chelle.

So sad reading your story this morning. Addiction is the worst thing a family has to cope with. I am a mother of 4 grown ups and the two youngest have mental health problems with drug addiction and gambling. I am at my wits end. You dare not confide in friends as it’s embarrassing. One son I had to remove from the home eventually he does not work and was rehomed. The other son works hard and is in debt up to his eyeballs and I have to listen to his lies. He was always so sensible. I wont go into depth as too much to say but it’s soul destroying. I try to help but all I do now is scream and shout at him every day. He’s taking ketamine on a daily basis now and he can not even talk properly when he’s on it. I have said I would go to a doctor with him but all he says is he’s not addicted. I have threatened to throw him out like I did his brother and he says he will kill himself if I do. He is not aggressive like my other son was. My husband of 20 years is the step father but he does not share the same grief as I do. He is at work so he does not see what I have to go through in a daily basis. Sorry I am ranting on but today I am at breaking point and just want to off load and found this page. It’s heartbreaking reading some of the things I have read on here. Chelle my heart goes out to you. I wish I had an answer for you to help. But there are no answers. I do know that talking helps for a little while to take some of the burden off your shoulders. And that we are not the only ones suffering. But it never seems to leave us. Sleepless nights stressful days wondering what’s going to happen next. Feel free to reply to me anybody that wants to talk or give me some ideas on what I can do. My heart goes out to everyone of you who is suffering the same as I am.

[georgia26]

It really is heartbreaking reading your post, going through the same sort of thing. Clean for 8 weeks, then relapses and the cycle continues. Drug/drink comes first, no matter what you threaten or say. It makes you feel worthless doesnt it, I feel so so sorry for you, I was ready to start a family with mine, everything is perfect except from this. It seriously worries me. He doesnt think he is an addict as he only does it every 8 weeks or so, he calls it a ‘habit’ to mask his anxiety feelings. Which makes me worry even more, he makes me feel like I am crazy. I wish you and your family all the best.

[adamuk]

You know what your husband is the same as me. Let me tell you from my point of view. He loves you with all his heart. He knows he has a problem. He can’t stop. The best way forward is not to argue with him. Let him have his treat once a week and dont break his balls about it. He will only stop when he wants to and can. The arguments and focus on him will make his addiction worse. I have been there. Just live and enjoy your life and leave the ball in his court. There will be nothing you can say or do to make him stop so it is all pointless. Watch he will become better!

[georgia26]

feeding his habit and allowing a weekly ‘Treat’ is not the way forward as youre feeding the addiction, which is ruining him financially. It will continue to spiral out of control and it will be daily soon.

Please contact help@icarustrust.org – they will help you with advice and professionalism

Good Luck..

[Author]

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