[mary1]

We met when I was 18 and I am now 36 … Never in a lifetime did I know what life would be like….

My husband who is 12 years older than me, was a drinker and I hated it – but like many I thought I could change him. Fortunately for me, he stopped! (Only after he lost his job) then he became addicted to smoking cannibis…. then growing it and then onto smoking Herion!

I dont even know where to begin … it is one very long nightmare. The lies are amazing, the things that we have fallen for are, when you look back ridiculous – From : what is that smell ? and he will answer: that he found dog fleas on him and burnt them with his lighter! (it was actually the smell where he had been smoking heroin) but we were non the wiser and so thought odd but maybe true.

The things that we have fallen for make us sound stupid, but when you do not take drugs or live that way yourself, I suppose you dont really know what you are dealing with.

My husbands addiction led to me getting into debt to help pay the bills and look after our now 15 year old son. His mother has paid out thousands of pounds and been left with nothing, trying to help him and putting him throught private detox 3 times! When you love someone you try everything, although I think I am starting to wonder if it has all been worth it, as I am so miserable.

He has stolen from us, lied to us and cheated on me… I am running out of sympathy and love.

Several years ago, he commited a robbery and we were non the wiser until police turned up at my home and turned my home upside down…. he was sentenced to 5 years. I still could not give up and visited him every week – taking his son to visit, for family visiting…. my family thought I was mad.

When my husband finally came home, after 3 years served, he was the man I was waiting for, a changed man and everything seemed great. We were the happiest we had ever been. Six months later and things were changing again, he was cheating on me and being secretive again.

Eighteen months ago I went to our doctors and said that I was extremely worried as thought my husband had cancer. He was losing weight and coughing all the time, then one night he could hardly make it up the stairs – I called NHS direct, as he was also making absolutely no sense at all. He was rushed to hospital, upon arrival he crashed. After checks it was discovered that he has severe emphysema – because of all the rubbish he had been smoking all through the years.

I am heartbroken – After years and years of standing by him and being treated like rubbish – waiting and hoping that things will get better, he now has a life sentence.

The hospital have been great, and offered appointments to help him breathe, he does’nt turn up. It was pointed out to him that he needs to NEVER smoke again, he has been smoking and again is looking like his old self. Irratic behaviour, lies, wages never right and always the companys fault, weight loss and the list goes on.

I just want to cry and cry and cry – I try to stay strong for my son and to just carry on. I work and worry about our money situation all the time, we own our house, but still have a mortgage – I dont know where this will all end – I just feel like he doesnt care and cannot help himself where his addiction is concerned. I obviously cannot help him and he has left myself and his mother at our wits end. The only person who can help an addict is the addict – and I dont think he want to help himself any more.

I am scared that one day I will find him dead – he is 48 years of age and looks far older. I am disgusted at myself for saying this, but I have become embarressed of being seen with him.

Where will it all end.

[rose]

Mary, I have commented on some of the other posted stories above yours, if you read my comments you will understand we have shared experiences. you posted this a couple of months ago. I hope things are better and you see some light ahead. Take care. Rose

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