[lucyloo67]

My husband doesn’t drink regularly or necessarily that often, but when he does it’s to excess. Increasingly I’ve found that he hits a point with this binge drinking that I refer to now as ‘arsehole mode’. I can see it coming, but I’m powerless to stop it. He drinks and drinks and drinks … then arsehole mode engages and so begins the verbal abuse towards me. I’m called disgusting names, told he doesn’t love me, that he hates my family, that he thinks we aren’t working out and he wants to leave me. Recently he verbally abused my family and threw things at my sibling and threatened to punch my in-law. It seems to escalate each time and I now dread him drinking at all as I’m afraid what might happen. His behaviour is demeaning and embarrassing and deeply hurtful. He never apologises when he sobers up. Says he can’t remember anything and shuts down any discussion on it. He says I shouldn’t take any notice of what he says when he’s drunk as it’s all just rubbish. He doesn’t see the hurt it causes me. How can I help him when he won’t acknowledge he has a problem and is hurting me with his words and actions?

[penguin]

Hi Lucy,

I don’t have any answers or advice I’m afraid, I just wanted to say your post resonated with me. The arsehole mode is real and like you said, you can see it coming, like something shifts behind the eyes?

I’m at the end now with the verbal abuse, the draining cycle of loving sobriety followed by days lost due to alcohol and self destruction.

I hope you find a way to help him, as I continue to try to do for my husband. I just wanted you to know you’re not alone in this feeling.

[Author]

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