[mssngvwlsrnd]

My husband has been drinking heavily, I suspect for many years but I know for about 5 or 6. I’ve reached the point I don’t want to be with him anymore with the lies and verbal abuse. I told him yesterday and he got so drunk he fell down the stairs through a glass door. Didn’t injure himself but I’m just so upset. He got up this morning to clear up, but now is back in bed sleeping it off. I’d had his dog locked in with me all night because of glass and food everywhere, but she’s back with him now. Looking for rentals but I’ve been here before and lost my resolve and stayed. I’ve sent a few emails which is further than I’ve gone before, so hoping I can do this. Last night scared me. He’s never hurt me physically but he’s much stronger than I am and the sounds of crashing and smashing last night terrified me and the dog. This is not a life for either of us, but he’s in total denial and I can’t deal with him behaving like this but refusing to accept he needs help. I just want to tell someone so it helps my resolve.

[robb]

Glad you left a comment, it has helped me leaving my story for others to read.

Closest I’ve been to leaving her was a week before putting down a deposit on a private flat.

I find if you Are planning on leaving the person it’s best to Cut all ties, I was helping her with walking the dog, going to shop, talking to her when she needed and that weaken my resolve as I hate seeing her alone, upset, struggling.

He needs to realise he’s going to push everyone away, if he continues then he’ll have serious health issues. As I said on my post my partner now requires pills for the rest of her life, waiting on a transplant list.

You can’t help someone who is unwilling to accept help.

As I said to another person on this, I was reminded that I only have one life, if you are spending more days unhappily Then happy, is that the kinda life you want.

[straightup]

Robb,

Concerning what one said to you, this can’t be a life anyone would want. I don’t see how this could be healthy for you or your loved one. That’s ‘easy’ for me to say given my circumstances. I was shocked on reading your 8 year marathon. The ‘price’ – unfathomable to me and all the more difficult seeing this is your sweat heart.

In some stances, the evolving normalities of living with my alcoholic sister have become a trap of sorts. I look back and see I slipped into habbits (dealing with her) and unfavourably so for her AND me, good as my intentions were, worried etc I was. It will be a lifetime comittment striving to deal with this more ‘effectively’. I appreciate keeping silent. I think I last expressed my feelings etc to my sister a month ago. It’s all been said each way. We’ve heard it all.

No one ‘makes’ anyone do or feel anything. I feel pissed off with my sister at times. Resentful, infuriated too. She doesn’t ‘make’ me feel or respond this way, nor do I ‘make’ her drink. She didn’t choose alcoholism. I didn’t choose to live with it. She chose to stop her meds. I chose counselling, whatever I could do for myself.

I too have paid a price. I have Epstein Barr and Osteoarthritis. This flared up late last year. It was improving then nose dived during my sister’s worse Bipolar1 fuelled alcohol relapse. Now, I’m house-bound. Worst ever. Coincidence? Surely not. Did she ‘make’ me sick? No. I don’t blame her, as resentful as I feel fom time to time. I’m working through the list to improve my health. That’s my ‘job’. Feels futile but I must persevere.

Hope my response doesn’t read as ‘victim’. My entention is to highlight how my health was/is affected living with my alcoholic sister, how I’ll need to get a grip on my anxiety. Over the years, I’ve been thinking how this, my perceprions and dealings has affected my relationship with myself. That’s something I can resolve. After 7 years – fractured with my sister…..

I’ve had ‘666’ times (unrelated to my sister’s alcoholism). We all have. What became apparent to me was that I could physically and psychologically separate myself from these assorted situations. My health wose weren’t inflamed with the unrelated ‘666’ and like many, I’ve quite a list. Bottom line: I put myself second and not surprisingly, my self designated back-seating became a hindrance to me. I suffered.

I was the classic enabler. I meant well, would do anything to help, near did. In the end, I realised my efforts didn’t help nor would they (maybe for moments but that was the extent). Have long been a carer and protector. For others. Me – not so much ,or DID. It took a few years. Now, I’m trying to keep myself front row centre, the stuff I’d previously ‘done’ for a loved one.

This is a life I choose. I always had that option. I just didn’t know I was quite worth it. My efforts didn’t help others and in the process, neglected my needs. I’ve decided to clean up my own. From time to time, I say to myself, “Would I expect XYZ of another? Would I plead, nudge, guilt another to do so? Hell no!” Seems to do something for me. You’re still not alone Robb. Psychs can help. Whatever helps. Whatever works for YOU.

StraightUp.

[Author]

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