[pray4love]

I understand that there are evils in the world, but I hate addiction. I hate it because when a person wants to stop it is so different for them that the percentage of those who beat it is low. I am in love with a man who really wants to stop and has tried everything. You name it he has done it and more than once, only to return to that life. He is a cocain addict and alcoholic. The treatment out there now seems to work for opioid users and alcoholics, but not for cocain and crack addicts.

A little history of me… my Dad was an alcoholic and my cousin who was more like a brother both died from health issues related to their addiction. Because of growing up in a house like this I don’t drink nor do I date people who drink. When I met my now husband 10 years ago he did not drink. Wellll I didn’t know that he was a recovering alcoholic and that is why he didn’t drink. Two years in I started noticing things, but not enough to know. I finally found out when he was arrested for a DUI. Over the years it has gotten progressively worse. Now he can go as far as 2 weeks, usually about a week and a half.

I can financially take care of our household, but he makes more than I do. We could live the way we want with our incomes, but his drugs and his expenses gets most of all his money. On his good days he gives me all his money that I can use as I chose. When he is not doing drugs, he is perfect for me and we are very close. My kids, grandkids, and mother loves him just as much as I do. He loves them too as if they were his blood.

I have done everything I could to not be an enabler, but I will never leave him. There are conditions that he knows if he does then he will not live with us. I have a child with a disability that lives with us. He has never crossed that line.

I am at the point now that I cope with prayers and not letting it control my life. I have things I do when I get really down. It gets me through the days.

He is a seasonal worker, so when they are laid off for the winter he is going to try once again a long term in house treatment. He knows all that stuff so well that he should be a counselor himself, really. Every time he goes everyone things he will definitely beat it and gives others even the workers advice, but when he leaves out of there matter how support he gets he goes right back to that world.

You know what I have only seen him drunk twice and that is only because some places will only take him if he is drunk. He never does anything at home. He does it and is gone for 2 to 3 days. When he comes home he is sober but depressed and sleeps all day.

He is a Christian, loves God, and reads his Bible faithfully, but still cannot get deliverance.

I just feel like I am waiting for my dream man to return home. I just pray it happens before he dies.

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