[embabe1504]

No one has replied to my post and I’m really desperate now for advice!!

I decided to block my mum today and she has already left me teo voicemails saying she wants to kill herself and she has no one to talk to when drunk…..I never phoned her back eventhough she begged me too because I dont want to talk to her anymore and I think shes so selfish as my daughter started school this week and she already wants me focusing on her again. Do you think I have the right to ignore her? Please let me know what you would do in my situation xx

[butterfly123]

Hi

We have very similar situations. My mum is also an alcoholic although thankfully she is getting help. However I’ve always been wary to bring any resentments etc up with her in case she does anything like suicide as she is also depressed.

From an outside point of view I think you are doing the right thing. You have children who are your priority (congrats on the newborn!) and it is your mums responsibility to help herself, not yours. She is the parent and needs to come to the realisation that it truly isn’t acceptable to go on as she has been. If anything were to happen, it would be on her, not you.

Also, I’m being a hypocrite here as I’ve totally had the same worries as you and its a lot easier saying to someone else what you think they should do, it’s a lot harder taking the advice when it’s your own situation!!

Maybe your mum needs this to kick-start her into getting help? Maybe say to her until she gets proper help then there won’t be anymore contact? I’m not an expert so these are just suggestions ????

In the meantime, try to put her out of your head and enjoy the time with your beautiful wee kiddos. Cuddles with them heal almost anything. At the end of the day, your children are your life moving forward and I’m sure they already bring you so much joy.

[kayleigh]

Hi,

I totally feel your pain… and I totally agree with Butterfly123 response although we can all agree it’s very hard. I’m still learning in my 33 years how to step back when I can. You feel heartless at first but it’s not. One thing I would suggest which is difficult.. when your mother calls next time saying that she is suicidal- call the ambulance about your concerns. It doesn’t matter if she’s intoxicated. They will attend her property and assess her and take her to A & E so that she can meet with the mental health team. The mental health team will keep her until she’s sober so that they can assess her (and will likely send her home with outreach support if she accepts). But this can sometimes help them understand the consequences of their actions and words and how serious the matter is, as well as be accountable. If you do this I would also suggest not going to the hospital as sometimes when we try and help we’re not actually helping but enabling and they expect us to save them.

I’ve had to do this last night and I’ve noticed that it makes her more accountable for her actions as she was forced to address her threats of suicide when she was sober. It’s not easy but this helps me step back sometimes and gives me hope that the professionals will hopefully get through to her.

Someone said to me yesterday… it’s not fair- she’s lived her life and now she’s effecting yours. It’s very true. I’m starting to feel as though life is passing me by and I need to be selfish to an extent in order to live and not be effected. For you it’s important that your not robbed of enjoying motherhood and your life because of your mother’s addiction. I hope things get better for you x

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