[lea3545]

Hi

Never done anything like this before but really struggling lately. My mum has had a drink problem all my life but has become worse over the past 10 years, or maybe I have just grown up and seen what’s happening.

I am always arguing with her, I have spoken to her many times, she will stop drinking for a week or two then slowly start again, before I know it she’s drunk in the day and I’m stressed again.

I have recently made her choose between drinking or me and threatened to move out of it doesn’t stop but this does not seem to register

When she is not drinking things are great, we spend lovely time together and really enjoy being around eachother, more like sisters

I have offered to support her to groups, GP surgery etc. It’s always declined and she says she will do it herself, she does.. for a few weeks before she drinks again

I am feeling so alone and stressed, please can someone relate and advise

[yzeal15]

Hi! I’m sorry you’re feeling stressed but you are not alone. My I did the same thing with my husband but he did not stop until “he” got ready too. It hurts to watch the one you love hurt themselves and you sound like a great daughter for supporting her. I often felt like I was on a hamster wheel doing and saying the same thing over and over again. He’d stop and the world would be bright and shiny again, then he would start up again. Once I finally divorced him, he got better. Ironic, huh? During that time I took dance classes to make myself feel better and to take my mind off of his problems. What do you do to make yourself feel better when your mum has started drinking again?

[lea3545]

Hi

Thank you so much for your reply,

Yes that’s the thing, she stops and things are amazing, she looks so healthy and we all get on great but that does not last long and the drink creeps back in.

When I say she is an alcoholic, she still goes to work and holds a job, we go the gym together and things but the drinking is at evenings and weekends, once the drinking starts, it does not stop as it does not seem to come out of her system. I’m sure it won’t be long before she does not have a job

That sounds like a great idea, I love walking so I am always out with the dog just getting some space and air. I tend not to talk to my friends about it too much because I feel embarrassed and feel like I have been saying the same things for years.

It’s so hard because her friend died a few years ago after suffering a seizure through being an alcoholic and I thought things would change and that would make her realise but nothing seems to work.

[mb8]

Hi Lea3545,

This sounds similar to my situation. My dad has substance issues but is too stubborn to get help whenever we offer. He will quit for a week or two, just like you said, but always goes back. And also just like you said, when he’s sober, things between us are great, but when he isn’t, it causes me so much stress and anxiety that I hate to be around him.

We just convinced him to quit again after an incident landed him in the hospital this past week; we were hoping for rehab, but he only agreed to quitting and going to meetings. I’m scared it won’t last, just like it never has before.

I don’t know if I really have advice, since I’m struggling through it too. But I do relate, and it’s kinda hard to find someone who gets it. I’ve found it’s best to be supportive when you can and tough when you need to be. I hope your mom realizes how she’s hurting you before it’s too late.

You are not alone 🙂

[lea3545]

Hi mb8,

Thank you for your reply, I do really appreciate it

I am sorry you are going through the same thing with your dad, I really hope that things do get better for your dad and you after his hospital stay

It’s the hardest thing I have ever been through and all I think constantly is that I’d never put my children through what she puts me through but then I have to remember it’s an addiction and it’s not as easy for her as I word it but I do hope she gets some help before it’s too late.

We recently lost a family member suddenly due to this virus and all I think and say is that they lost their life tragically and my mum is choosing to kill herself and ruin her life, but as I say, she listens for a week before things go back to normal

Although it’s a horrible situation, it’s reassuring to know there is other people going through the same. Thanks again for your reply, I really hope things improve for you and your dad takes this chance to change

X

[mb8]

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I know that can be hard on you, as well as your family. Again, our situations are even more similar. My dad lost his mom about three weeks ago. It wasn’t sudden since she was older and in poor health, but it was still a hard loss for him and he was coping with alcohol and drugs.

Have you tried talking to your mother about attending either AA or an alternative program when she does try to quit for a week or two? My dad was pretty stubborn about it because he unsuccessfully tried AA in the past, but we asked him to try a different program with different values (SMART Recovery), and he agreed to give it a shot.

For yourself and your family, I’m planning to try out a virtual ‘Friends and Family Support’ type meeting (Al-Anon, essentially). I don’t know if I will like it or what I will get out of it, but it doesn’t hurt to try.

Good luck to you and your family. Xx

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