[anon72]

I just want a space to vent and for people to relate with.This is probably going to be a long one because I need to get everything off of my mind right now and into words.

I am 19 years old and I have 3 brothers (17,16,10) and for as long as I can remember my mum has been an alcoholic. She lost a child at 18 and turned to alcohol for comfort and progressively got worse over the past 21 years. She is turning 40 next year and I want her to change her life around. I love my mum more than anything in the world and she has been battling her demons for a long time. A few times her demons nearly took her and she received help but fell into old habits time after time, promise after promise, new beginnings after new beginnings. Each house I moved into when my parents broke up when I was 12 until I was 16 was a ‘fresh start’. 5 fresh starts. Her drinking has fluctuated and reflects on her mental health. She has been diagnosed with clinical depression anxiety and PTSD from emotional trauma. I have come to every possible solution in my head on how to successfully help my mum recover but each time I believe she is going to stop drinking she falls right back into the pattern, each time making me loose hope. I love my mum more than I love myself and I really want her to get better not for me but also for her health. She comes from a line of alcoholics and my nana was sober for 5 years after almost dying due to alcohol complications but unfortunately recently during lockdown she relapsed, encoring my mum to drink more also. Before this my nana was my saving grace if I needed help with my mum or I was worried about her but now she’s also drinking again,I feel like I’m alone again. Over the past 2 years she has gained weight and I’m worried the weight gain along with her drinking and mental issues could cause her to have problems or for my worse fear to come true.

One day last June my worst fear was made a reality. I was at my boyfriends house when I just suddenly had the urge to go home so me and my boyfriend packed a bag and decided to go there for the night. Upon coming home we see my mum is slumped over the kitchen table- not an unusual sight- and she appears to be asleep. Me and my boyfriend are walking past her when I notice along with the 3 empty bottle of wine there are multiple packets of empty pills and medicine, all sorts of paracetamol cold and flu tablets and ibuprofen, whatever was in the medicine cupboard. I immediately tell my boyfriend to go upstairs as it was my first reaction to the scene. He didn’t notice the pills and probably assumed I was going to take my mum over to the sofa and tuck her in for sleep. I was crying and shouting at my mum to which she was responsive but extremely drunk and she thought she was already dead. She thought she was in heaven and I was there with her as an angel. I was so scared and I called my nana before the ambulance because it still hadn’t sunk in that my mum was attempting suicide. On the phone I was frantic and hysterical and crying and my nana said ring the ambulance and with with her I’ll be there as soon as I can. Luckily my nana wasn’t drunk that night and was ably to drive to me. I rang the ambulance and they stayed on the phone with me until my nana arrived to which they then took another 40 minutes to arrive. 40 minutes of my mums in and out of consciousness and crying apologies. She was in hospital for about a week after that and in that time she was getting help but refused rehab. In that time I used my first jobs wages to redecorate the house for her 38th birthday to which she was so happy. Her drinking slowly crept back into our lives and I have been living in constant worry and fear that next time I’ll be too late to save her if she ever feels that low again.

Out of my 3 younger brothers, 2  have moved in with my dad but the youngest of the 3 has just been diagnosed with ADHD and his outbursts and behaviour is something we now know he can’t help. He is understanding more and more about how bad my mums drinking is as he grows up and because of the age gap between us I think he feels like he can’t talk to me and he bottles up his feelings. He has recently told his school he wants to kill himself because of what goes on at home and that breaks my heart.
Im looking for advice on how to deal with my mums alcoholism and how to connect with my younger brother despite our age gap. I want him to know I’m there for him and I want my mum to know I’m there for her.

[Nestor]

It’s scary. My father drinks.  He’s been drinking for as long as I can remember. Not so much before, but now he drinks for a long time. And he’s old and he still drinks.

[eddie123]

Hi there, this sounds like a very difficult situation for you and I am sorry. I know of a great charity that supports people like yourselves nationwide. The family support programme is all remote and they help many families a year. Please see link and fill in the referral and someone will endeavour to respond within 24 hours. https://adaptoxford.org.uk/the-icarus-programme/

[Author]

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