[lisah]

Hello,

My partner and I have been together for 4 years. Right at the start I knew she smoked cannabis however said she would give it up for us to be together. For the first year it was great…no drug use at all. A chance meeting with a former friend led her to be introduced to her dealer and from then on her drug use and gambling has increased to the point where I dont know who she is anymore. She recently moved out of our house and from then on has tried crack, is smoking weed several times a day on a daily basis, is getting her hands on codeine and diazepam…which she is taking in huge quantities. She has diagnosed mental health problems, which just seem to be escalating the more she uses. At this present time her money goes on gambling and drugs and that is the cycle she is in. She is in complete denial about the effects this is having on her…sees no issues with her behaviour. This is the first time that I have stood strong and not allowed her to manipulate me into giving her money, paying her rent etc. This has now turned her against me…like I am the enemy. I am scared of how this is going to end…how far further she is going down this path. I am out of options on how I can help anymore…

Thanks for reading, Lisa

[bt1978]

Hey Lisa

First up, that is a horrible situation and I’m sorry you have had to experience that.

Sadly – addiction does change people and often the focus is on getting the next high and escaping, meaning often people close to them end up getting affected one way or another.

I’m not sure what mental health problems she has, but the things she is taking- though may provide temporary relief, will end up harming her more in the long run. Additionally anything like opiates and benzos will prevent any prescribed meds working too.

Well dont for taking a stand, I imagine even though it’s the right thing to do, it probably doesn’t feel that way – quite the opposite.

In my experience at the person has to get to a place where they truly want to get help for their problem. Unfortunately you can’t do this for them.

Do you think there is any chance she may be receptive to getting some help?

[lisah]

Hey…thanks for replying.

The sad thing is that she does have help but lies to them all. She has a drug worker that she tells me says she is just to keep taking what she is taking as it is keeping her safe…her mental health workers have tried to offer her help but because they are not offering a magic pill she is not interested. She is on that much of a bender at the minute she was taken to hospital with a suspected overdose…still she walked out of the hospital as she needed a joint. The help is there but she is not receptive. She now says she is going back to her home town to see her ‘mates’…that just means shes run out of money and she knows they will have anything she wants readily available.

[bt1978]

Thanks Lisa.

That is heavy stuff. What you said about the magic pill is so true as well. Often people suffering with substance issues will opt for the magic pill as hard work and abistenence requires hard work, patience and experiencing alot of pain and feelings that have been suppressed – thats what makes the quick fix so appealing.

Its really difficult what to suggest as you have done all the right things. Giving money is only going to enable further using in my opinion. You have made the right choice though that can’t be easy when you care for someone.

Question: do you have enough support for you? It’s an awful lot to take on

[lisah]

I think that is all she has done in her life…she was under mental health services in her home town and they just medicated her for 10 years…said she was too volatile to treat. The sad thing is I’ve seen the amazing side of her…when she was drug and gambling free she was thoughtful, loving, kind…we had fun…we connected. Now I have no clue who she is anymore…aggressive, arrogant, cant string a sentence together…its awful to see.

I have very little support but do talk to a counselor each week…to work on my stuff. As for family I dong have any and friends were pushed away as she was jealous if they were male or female!

[bt1978]

Wow. That is so so difficult. Can you repair those relationships?

My view is you are doing the right thing, there isn’t much else you can do until they are ready to get help and admit defeat

[lisah]

The sad thing is I don’t think it can be repaired…and that’s what I’m struggling with…if I walk away then what happens…she will get worse and I might lose her permanently…if I stay I’m choosing to accept how she is and all the crap and nastiness that comes with it…my head tells me to run but my heart tells me to have hope that she might change. You’re right..the change has to come from her…I just cant see that happening

[bt1978]

It’s a really difficult thing, but also true. Unfortunately you can’t do recovery for them, and also enabling them comes with guilt that you are feeding that habit. The mental illness is also another layer of complication as that untreated will make things worse for sure

[lisah]

What you say is so true. I’ve been told that she has to hit rock bottom but I think she has too many enablers around her for that to happen…people who will just keep supplying her with what she needs at that time. I miss the woman I fell in love with but I feel I have lost her and I cant seem to find her anymore.

I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to reply…this means a lot

[bt1978]

Hey no problem the posts on here helped me no end, so no thanks required.

The irony of addiction whatever you are addicted to is that you have to lose everything to win. Most people take it to the bitter end, hopefully she wont

Post here any time you need support

[lisah]

Thank you…she never returned from her night away to her home town…I think she has made her decision…I just have to accept that 🙁

[bt1978]

Ouch.

I know that must be upsetting, and nothing anyone can say will make it better – none of this is your fault though and you cant control what she does sadly. Is she likely to get in touch again

[lisah]

I have no idea…she told a friend that she isn’t going to change for anyone which includes our relationship…I just hope she stays safe…

[bt1978]

That’s the best you can do for now. Try to look out for yourself for now and make sure you have some support.

[lisah]

I will do…thank you

[bt1978]

Make sure you check In here. There are loads of people who have the same experience as you.

I really wish you all the best

[lisah]

I will do…it has helped put some things into perspective.. thanks again 🙂

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