[roberto]

Firstly, I’m married and have been having an affair with this guy for 2 years. I love and care for him deeply and I was about to leave my husband to be with him. He’s had a troubled past and has been mentally abused by his previous wife, who he’s separated from and recently started formal divorce.

Despite loving him deeply, my trust has been violated and although I’m helping with his rehab and initial steps to recovery, my view is I can’t be with him anymore. He’s a great guy, we’ve had a few other issues, largely inconsequential, and I love him. I think about him all the time and we speak all the time.

I don’t know what to do. The drug was cocaine

[natasha21]

Hi Roberto,my advice would be to run away, sorry its harsh but my husband is an addict on cocaine and drink,it’s an awful life living with him.the mood swings,lies,deceit and double life ,im constantly walking on egg shells and you will never have no money or life. Sorry for being honest

[roberto]

I’m sorry to hear that. Really sorry. I hope you’re ok, but i I suspect you’re not? I hear you loud and clear and thanks for the candid response. Now, I’m having an affair with this guy, which makes me no angel, but that’s not for here. I’m with him 4 days a week and I’ve never seen any sign of what you describe. I get it on the money though, which I don’t see.

Has your husband been to rehab or anything of admitted the problem? It’s early days, but I went to an NA meeting with him, his second one and he admitted his addiction.

Can people not change?

I hope you don’t mind me asking but why are you still together, assuming you are

Rx

[debc]

Hi Roberto,

Welcome to the Forum.

I may be going to sound harsh but I really would think about what you are going to do, living with a cocaine addict is hell, and I mean hell, your life will not be nice, he will spend all the money and you will never know where he is, and the lies are terrible, they even believe their own lies.

Sorry to be harsh but I am only speaking from experience.

Take care.

Dx

[roberto]

Thank you Deb x

[natasha21]

Hi d, how are you? Its not a life we are living its existing. I feel like I’m in hell every day. I never hate anyone but my god I have terrible thoughts about him and what I want to happen to him.is that bad?

[natasha21]

Hi Roberto, finally admitted he had a problem two weeks tomorrow, I said you need professional help,no he said I can do it on my own. Three days later I was on a 16 hour shift, I walked in he wasn’t back, came in ten minutes after me off his nut. Then two days after, he’s taken it a few times in the week and then Thursday bad on it and had it last night. Why haven’t I left, no where to go, can’t afford high rent prices.and years ago domestic violence really bad,and every now and again he goes to or does be violent. So im scared deep down of his capability especially on that stuff.i personally would say to your man, get clean then phone you. Stay away until he’s clean and get out your marriage. It’s not called the devil’s drug for nothing. Listen to ed sheeran, bad habits. Every druggie hates that song lol, I wander why???? Stay safe and strong im here x

[donthaveaclue]

Hi Roberto

I echo what the others say… it is absolute hell living with a coke addict.

So my experience is even though they want to change and get clean, it’s incredibly hard. I think because usually there is an underlying reason fuelling the addictive personality. So many of the addicts have issues with other addictive behaviours such as heavy drinking, smoking, gambling, sex…

My one has been using drugs for all his adult life but mainly recreationally. I had no idea when I first met him. He also has had gambling issues decades ago and issues with alcohol and smoking. It turns out – I only found this out recently – that he had a previous bad addiction to crack years ago but managed to get off it.

When I met him, he was occasionally using coke recreationally. Just before lockdown this increased to someone showing him how to make crack from powder coke. Since then we’ve been in a nightmare of his increasing addiction to doing that.

At first mine was functioning but eventually he’s become non-functutional… not able to hold down a job, has had 2 suicide attempts, no money/debt, heavy drinking and smoking when he does it… aggressive and violent when off the drug/coming down. Extreme paranoia and delusions. It’s progressively got worse. Life revolves around the drug.

I would definitely steer clear if you are able to or otherwise, give him the time and space to get clean and do not move in with him or share any type of finances.

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