[chloe1994]

Please guys I need help. I’m sorry this is a long read, I need to get it all out. My partner has been doing cocaine long before we got together. We were casually seeing each other from 2017 to 2020 when we got into a relationship.. I knew he did cocaine before we became a couple, I just didn’t know it was a problem. Fast forward to 15 months ago we got into a relationship, moved in with each other, I fell pregnant. It really wasn’t until I became pregnant that I realised how bad his addiction is. I’m now 33 weeks pregnant and nothing is changing. Every weekend comes and it’s the same thing. He sits outside on his own drinks and snorts lines. He denies it but as his girlfriend you pick up the signs you know when they’re on it. I’ve left a few times and he’s always begged me back promises he’ll change and get help. It lasts a little but then straight back to square one. Once I’m back he’s in denial and says he has no addiction etc. he says because he still gets up and goes to work each day that he’s not an addict only someone on heroin or ice can be an addict…. When he’s off it he thinks rationally, he has so many good ideas, he’s smart and funny and loving but it’s a pattern. Weekends come he gets on, he probably feels stupid the next day, he’s angry and treats me like shit for a few days then he’s back to being a loving partner then the weekend comes and it’s back in the vicious cycle. I can’t sit another night inside while he’s outside doing this. It’s literally destroying me. He never stops to think of what it’s like for me his partner living with his addiction. He treats my dog like shit, me like shit. It’s so mentally draining but I stay because I love him and I see his potential and I hope that he’ll change and get therapy and the help that he needs. This person makes around $3000 a week and never has any money left over before his next pay check. It’s coke, alcohol, online gambling. The life we could have if he just didn’t do drugs. He’s admitted that when he gets paid all he thinks about is bags. He tiks bags when he’s run out of money and then gets paid and owes dealers. I’ve recently caught him searching up escorts I don’t think he has cheated on me. He Denys and says it’s adds but I’m not stupid he’s researching these sights. I use to know that he loved me but now I’m questioning everything, I honestly don’t know anymore if he loves me or if he can’t be alone and it’s convenient being with me. When he’s sober I feel so much love from him so much. I’ve seen him googling cocaine addictions so he must know he has a problem. He’s put himself in a psychosis over it but still that’s not enough for him to get help. Surly he can’t enjoy this life? Surly he hates the feeling of having his last line and how he’s going to get his next hit. He’s not even a fun person on it, he retreats and goes quiet. Tonight he got on it but not for long, he only had a few beers by 7:30 he’s stumbling inside he can barely keep himself up, he fell in the shower, what kind of reaction could that be? Has anyone ever experienced that before? Normally he’ll be outside until early hours of the morning drinking and getting on. Not tonight. Something happened tonight. I’m ready to leave, I can’t take this any longer. I hate the thought of him feeling abandoned but if I stay I’m enabling his lifestyle choices. I love this person so god damn much but the emotional support isn’t there. He gets super angry and rages. He won’t change and I’m scared of losing my family, but what can I do? He’s 26 I’m 28

[debc]

Hi Chloe1994,

Welcome to the Forum, where there are lots of people in similar situations.

I’m sorry you are in this situation, especially being pregnant as well, you should be having all the support from him but sadly cocaine will always come first, unless he wants to give up. Personally I would run for the hills and look after you and your baby, go back to your family who I’m sure will be looking forward to greeting your new baby into the world. Sorry if this sounds harsh but living with an addict is hell.

Take care and good luck with the baby.

Dx.

[donthaveaclue]

Please do what I wasn’t able to and run like Debc said. His behaviour will not change and the rage and anger once you’ve got a baby in your arms is super scary… terrifying even.

I have a nearly 4 year old with my addict and I’m still trying to get away. He has become a full-blown, daily addict now whereas before he was like your boyfriend… doing it once a week and we had the cycle you described. The anger and rage has only gotten worse. I fear for my life sometimes.

I hope you are able to leave him and protect yourself and your child.

[natasha21]

Hello lovely, yes sorry like the other ladies have said run now, it’s horrendous living with a drug addict, and as awful as it sounds he will be so jealous of your bond with that baby, he will be horrible and blame the baby. Obviously it’s not you or the baby, the problem is him,my husband hates my bond with me and our 4 boys because they talk and love me,obviously I’ve been there for them bringing them up.they don’t even talk to him.very sad really but he has the choice yet he chooses,drinking, gambling and cocaine over us.yes mine is a functioning addict still goes to work but he won’t admit to being an addict, only people on heroin are addicts he says xx

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