[Gaz105]

I’m a male and I met my girlfriend 5 years ago when she was 45 and I was 35. We fell in love fast but near the start of the relationship she told me that she had been using cocaine socially for about 20 years after I overheated a conversation with her friend asking about cocaine. I was thrown by this at the time as she didn’t look the type. I let it go but as the love got stronger and she was still using I gave her an ultimatum in 2020 to promise to never take drugs again or walk away now. She agreed to stop taking drugs and to this very day she swears by not having cocaine since our conversation. I still get a little worried whenever she goes out as her close group of friends all still take cocaine. She got back from ibiza 3 weeks ago and I asked her about taking anything. After many lies and contradictions she admitted to taking ecstacy in Greece in 2020, ibiza in 2021 and also in ibiza 3 weeks ago. She knew full well how I feel about drugs and that it would be a massive issue if she did this. We live together now so I thought the days of drugs was long gone. This has completely destroyed me and my trust for her. She’s shown remorse and said sorry but I feel its only becuase she’s been caught. She said she went to ibiza 3 weeks ago with no intention of taking drugs but she actually took ecstacy on night 1, night 3 and night 4. She’s not taken a split second to think about my feelings and must not have been that guilty to do it twice more on the same holiday. She said its because she doesn’t see it as being that bad as she only took a small amount. But she knew how I felt about drugs and has done it anyway. She admitted that she told her friend in ibiza that I mustn’t find out about this. This group of friends is the group that all take drugs. She’s surrounded by them and found it very easy to take them without a second thought for our trust. She’s now 49 years old and on blood pressure tablets for life (probably caused by the many years of taking cocaine.) In the past we’ve spoken about the risks of drugs, especially with her age and also mixing with ramipril (the blood pressure tabs) she’s a bright woman so not caring about the risks along with my feeling just to gain a little buzz on a night out has really hurt me to the point now it’s made me ill. The reality of getting cause has shook her and I do believe she will change but I didn’t expect this so far down the line of what I thought was an amazing trustworthy relationship. She says she’s not got a drug problems and since taking ecstacy 3 weeks ago she hasn’t done it since ibiza 2 years ago. So my question is why do it if its not needed? She’s an outgoing happy person anyway. She said she just likes the feeling. I don’t know if I can get over this as I held our relationship in high regard. I feel humiliated, upset and broken by all of this. She’s lied so many times and contradicted herself before finally telling me the truth and it’s made me feel crazy and extremely insecure. What shall I do? ???? it’s also made me question if she’s cheated on me whilst away as the drugs on holiday would if made her more friendly amd chatty.

[navy]

Hello

im so sorry to read this, it’s so awful when you find out that the person you fall in love with isn’t really the person you fall in love with as they lie.
do you think the chatty outgoing girl you met was clean of drugs or used when she met you?
you said you had the conversation about drugs and how you feel about them however she still used on separate occasions.
they are good at lies they tell you want you want to hear. I don’t think if she is still going out with friends that use that she doesn’t on a night out.
if she wants to be with you and you need to trust her perhaps she could do drug testing for you or something similar to prove that her love to you means more than the drug and will test the following day after her night out ? Then you can build the relationship back up from there?
I hope all works out for you and you find a way of communicating and trusting her and she proves that her love for you is stronger than the pull of the drugs.

take care

navy x

[Gaz105]

When I met her she’d been on coke socially for about 20 years with this group of friends. They’re all socially addicted. I though my girlfriend had changed since we had a conversation 3 years ago when she agreed to stop taking drugs. She still to this day tells me she’s not taken coke and its only the 3 occasions on holiday where she’s taken pills. Because of all the lies I’m now questioning if she’s had coke over the last 3 years, even if it’s only a tiny amount. I’m never going to know and I get what you’re saying about giving her drug tests after a night out but that really isn’t any way to live in my opinion. We’ve both been through previous marriages and I though this was our time now to find peace with one another and just live a nice life. I’m just shattered by this. I’m 40 now and she’s approaching 50. I don’t wanna live like this and the trust is ruined.

[navy]

Hi gaz105

i get it, I know the trust issue is so hard to get over. If she has changed since you met her and it was only the time she went away and you love her so much then you need peace of mind. I’m not sure how much this affects her if it’s socially taken as the comedown is noticeable can you see a difference in her when you’re out with her to when she is out with her friend’s. I do hope that you keep talking to her and she showers you with love and honesty and can get passed this.

I wish you all the best and please just post on here anything you need as there’s lots of us going through this and there’s some whom were cocaine takers and have stopped who give advice.

take care

navy xx

[Author]

Posts