[donthaveaclue]

So I posted on here before… well it’s got worse.

Since the lockdown, his use increased and changed from snorting coke to washing and smoking it.

He vaguely knew how to do this as he has seen it done before, but it was more recently that someone we know – who is a regular user – did it with him a few times. They provided him with the paraphernalia and suddenly I’m living with a crack addict, or that’s what it felt like.

So he was using most days if not nearly every day, washing it all over the property (literally felt like it took over the house), smoking it and not doing a lot else really apart from smoking cigarettes and drinking.

When not on it, he is vile. He is extremely volatile, moody, aggressive, argumentative and paranoid. I do not feel safe in my own home.

Like someone else said on here about their partner, mine has always and continues to create arguments and blame me for everything including his now doing crack! I have called him out before on how he will argue with me on purpose to get drugs as basically I want him in a better mood as I can’t stand living with him like that so I end up enabling him. He even admitted he did that but doesn’t stop doing it.

His new thing is to lie that he has done things he agreed to do and reward himself with gear.

So anyway, now we are in debt because of his habit and I’ve had enough. I told him I cannot do this anymore. I am staying away from our property as I had prearranged to go stay at family’s. I told him that I cannot come back unless he stops doing it and that I can’t deal with it as I don’t know how to help him stop it.

He says he wants to stop but then each time he ends up using again. He craves it and acts quite ‘clucky’ now. I told him if he stops it, I can’t see him for a bit because the come down is horrendous and his mood would not be stable for goodness knows how long. I don’t know if that is normal or not that it takes so long. Now he never stops it long enough to see any normality. I just get the moods and unpredictable aggression.

I told him to go to the doctor or seek other professional help. He had promised me twice before be would and never did. I pointed this out to him. So we are on our third promise now.

The thing is, now I’ve been away from him, I don’t want to go back. I told him our relationship is toxic and unhealthy for both of us. I realise how much happier I am on my own and how controlled and affected I am by his behaviour and habit.

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how one of us could leave as neither of us has anywhere to go live separately. We have no spare money either. I feel we have stayed together partly for this reason, as he has even said before that he’d leave if he had somewhere to go to.

[nod23]

Hi there, by the sounds of it u don’t have any children with him? And I am guessing you are still quite young? If that’s right, my advice is to leave and never look back. Start your life again while you can!

Please, believe me! After 16 years, 3 kids marriage and a house I can’t just leave!

You can have a great life still, but you won’t if you stay with him, if he has progressed to that it will be even harder for him to stop. X

[kel1]

Ah that sounds awful and I’m sure this has affected you enormously. I agree with Nod23 in that your life would be so freeing without this kind of toxicity, however saying that it’s understandable that you worry where you will end up living. Sounds like it’s a nightmare!

Crack is so addictive, and so will affect his decision to “want to stop”. It literally destroys the individual and they end up in a neverending cycle of addiction! There will at some point be a ” rock bottom” but even that has a basement! He really needs to get some support from a drugs service asap. Crack changes the way the brain releases dopamine – Happy chemical in the brain. Which i suppose explains the extreme mood swings, it messes with the natural chemistry in the brain. It literally changes them into monsters I’m afraid and to avoid those extreme moods they end up taking more, leading to psychological dependancy.

Would he bring others into your home now you’re not there? I hope not ???? but in my experience it ends up with the user finding other users and then the house spins into chaos. That’s just my experience.

Hope you’ve got no kids, and you can plan what you want to do as to whether or not you will leave or ask him to leave! Living with an addict is no picnic, it’s a nightmare as you know and it will end up if not already destroying you emotionally and physically. I ended up having a break down so I had no choice but to leave the madness.

We are all here for you so keep talking, because over time when you start to heal you will realize that you’ve suffered so much and that you’ll probably need to get some help for yourself.

Don’t listen to all the blame, that typical of an addict, lies, manipulation, aggression etc – it’s all a deflection of their issues. And it is THEIRS not yours.

Bug hugs to you

[Author]

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