[mellisa82]

I found out recently that my partner has been using cocaine heavily for around 18 months he has used it since he was 15 but has only recently become a real issue. He is now 30 and we have 2 small children, He has had had a lot of drug debts recently and Is spending pretty much all of his wages on it. He leaves empty drug bags around the house and I recently found one in the hallway with a bit of coke init and my daughter had been playing out there on her own so could have easily picked it up. I just find his behaviour so selfish he is always always moody and can’t be bothered with his children basically just sees it as my job to do everything around the house and look after them while he drinks gambles and takes coke. Never has any money for food shopping or for the children so I struggle to pay the bills, buy food along with clothes and other stuff for them. I am basically left with nothing for myself while he is blowing all his money on rubbish. We are now struggling to pay the rent as he keeps spending whatever money he has on it, he has also had to borrow money off his friends (hundreds of pounds that he still owes them) I am worried about the future and for my children as want them to have a nice happy home with both parents but only see this problem getting worse. We argue constantly and I feel like he really doesn’t care about me or how this is making me feel I try to be understanding but he just carry’s on like it is normal and seems to enjoy it all to much to stop.

[mellisa82]

Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I am struggling with how to deal with it and don’t know how I can help. I feel really down and fed up and don’t want all this to effect my children. Part of me just wants to leave him but financially I can’t do that and have no where else to go but then I also don’t want to break up our family.

[debc]

Hi Mellisa82,

Welcome to the Forum, a great place to share your story and to be able to chat with people in the same situation.

Your Husband will only stop when he is ready too, and by the sounds of it he is in a downward spiral at the moment.

Do you think he wants help?

He probably knows that because of finances and family ties that you won’t leave or kick him out, but really what is he doing for you and the children? I know this may sound harsh, but all they think about is themselves, and it’s so unfair to the people they live with and especially for the children.

Have you read the other stories on here? I know there are lots of people in the same situation as yourself.

There is also the Icarus Trust who you can contact as well.

I hope you feel better for sharing your story, I know I did.

Take care of you and your children, keep chatting on here too.

Dx

[lemonysnicket]

Hi Mellisa

I’m sorry you are going through this but Debc is right, there are so many stories like yours here, it may help you to read them. Your partner is going in one direction at the moment. There is nothing you can do about that. You have to protect yourself and your children. It’s likely that your financial situation will get worse, quite quickly and you are already struggling to cope. It’s not going to stop until he wants it to. Nothing you can do or say will change that. He won’t even do it for the children. I can say this without knowing more, without knowing him, because addicts all behave in the same way. Get support, and get some distance between you and him and then hope he can turn it around eventually. Keep coming back here – there will always be people to help you here. Take care xx

[fait274]

Hi, im going through the exact same thing, my husband has always been a social user but since lockdown started hes gone completely off the rails. We have 5 beautiful children and have been together for 21 years but this past 10 month have been horrible. Hes changed into a completely different man, we’ve been on and off since June because of his addiction and finally 2 week ago he left and hasnt been in touch with me since. Its absolutely heartbreaking but unfortunately I have to now let him get on with it as I’ve done everything possible to help and he obviously doesn’t want to stop. I have to try and now be strong for my children and try and focus on myself rather than him.

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