[llm888]

In denial, it all started with a few lines on nights out for years in control so he says. But his life really revolves around it. Waiting for the next time he can use and it’s pretty mischievous every other day at least. The money (not mine I might add) but borrowing and spending all his salary. But for me it’s the mood swings and vile attitude I can’t stand. He’s actually horrible I feel like I can’t speak to him about anything he flies of the handle he nit picks me all the time.

I left him last year for 4 months and he said he stopped and he was getting help he was writing to me every week big long letters of how he lives me and how he’s doing it for us so we can be together and was devestated.

I love him so here we are back together and he’s still using only now he’s keeping it secret but I am no idiot I know the sniffing, runny nose, the no sleep, the toilet visits, his disgusting mood the next day when he eventually rises from his bed.

I dunno what to do as I know it’s an illness the drug gets hold of them and it’s an escape for other things and I feel sad for him I really do but I also know I don’t want this life I really don’t.

He has no interest in a physical relationship unless he’s coked up, it’s effecting all the areas of his life on a physical and mental level because of the extent of his abuse of coke.he’s hair loss to his digestive system one time he must of sniffed so much gear his lips where blue I thought he was going to die or a heart attack laying in bed with him fidgeting can’t sleep irritable legs I can feel his heart thumping out of his chest. He’s a 40 year old man when is enough enough ? Please tell me anyone how can I help him ? When he don’t want to help himself. I don’t enable him in any way financially or anything like that and I carry on with my life day to day and I put myself first in terms of my well being and needs. Still trying to be here for him but the mood swings are very hard to put up with and I have had enough.

So I guess people who have experience of how to help or anyone who has advise or who can talk to me would be much appreciated as I fear he’s going to loose everything soon his job, his life and me.

Thank you

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