[hollyp27]

Hi all, ive never written on one of these forums but im so glad I’ve found it.

Bit of a background my partner and I met in our early 20s and we loved to go out and party ( we both only drank never any drugs). I noticed he did drink a lot but then at that time i thought so do i maybe we are young and just loving life. However as the years have gone on i noticed he was hiding alcohol, drinking while he was working, turning up to mine drunk but say he’s not been drinking, putting vodka in a water bottle and drink it. I noticed he had a problem and tried to contact services for him but without him wanting to help himself there wasn’t much i could do. I tried to talk to him family but didn’t feel like I was getting much support.

fast forward to the last 2 years, I was pregnant and we had our child but his drinking has gotten so much worse, again he would come home drunk from work, i would find empty vodka bottles hidden around the house, he would lie where he was and what he was doing. Alcohol took over our lives. when sober he is the most loveliest guy but once he has had a drink he is like a complete different person and someone i do not want to be around or our child. He sleep talks when he passes out and gets very angry in his sleep i actually get on edge when sleeping. I made the decision for him to go stay with his dad for a while which he has done for other 2 months but he back now, However he got drunk again and fell of a garage roof and fractures a fair few bones.. was lucky not to be paralyzed… so you would think that would stop him from drinking well I’ve caught him drinking again. I’ve tried to give him another chance and hope for our relationship to work out but i cant have all this around our child. Its also affecting me real bad as im trying to do my best to make sure it doesn’t affect our child, but im just breaking myself.

also i haven’t drank in 2 years and also stopped drinking as i saw how it changed my partner. sorry for rambling on it just feels good to be able to rant and get it all out.

[janet111]

Hi holly p I understand how you feel it’s horrible when the drinking takes over your life Iv been stuck in the same situation for years now should have left along time ago but can’t bring myself to do it you need to do what’s best for you and your child put yourselves first hope your ok x

[Lizzie21]

Hi

I completely understand you and can relate to your story and i am reaching out to let you know, you are not alone. Please if need reach out to your loved ones and friends for your own mental health and well being. The support the will give you is overwhelming.

I am so glad I have found this website and this forum. I two have been going through a very similar situation, however my partner has become addicted and dependant on cociane. We met when we was mid teens we are now early 30s and been through a hell of alot together including parent bereavement, misscarriage and me being critically poorly when I was pregnant resulting our daugter being born prem.

I found out about the cociane over a year ago and he told me he did have a problem so i sent him to his mums, i sought him some help from our local drug and alcohol service which he seemed happy to recieve. Life carried on. Since then he has told me lies, got himself in debt, become a isolated person, lost contact with friends, lost tons of weight. When he first sought help he didnt fully open up, so continued to use which i later found out. I stood by him to get him more professional help from our local D&A service, he seemed a little better. However my trust has been shattered but desperately wanted to keep our family together, my daughter loves her dad, naturally he is an amazing dad, and somewhere deep down i still love him. However over the weekend he had a nervous breakdown and admitted he was still using. I knew then i had to leave. I have put all my energy and more in helping him and standing by him but this time i had to leave and it was time to put myself. I went to my brothers and i told my family everything and my god the relief i felt from hiding this torture and pain for all this time. My brother immediately went to see my parnter and found him in crisis. My brother took him to his mums they tokd her everything and she realised he needed an intervention. On monday he went to a residential rehab. Telling my family and closest friends was so difficult and although i still feel a broken mess the support they are giving myself and our daughter is amazing, overwhelming in some sense.

I am currently suffering from anxiety i can not sleep, i am trying to hold everything together for my daughter who is 3 btw.  Although i am trying my best to put myself first i am still so worried about him. My whole world has been turned upside down. I know i can not rebuild my relationship with my partner has too much hurt, deceit and mistrust has happened however i am hoping he is finally recieveing the right level of helo for the sake of himself and his daughter and if he can i will support him as her dad. However i am absolutely broken and devastated that our lives have come to this. I feel like i am grieving.

 

Please please reach out for your own support whether it be a friend a charity or myself.

 

Big hugs

[careaboutyou]

Dear Courageous Ladies,

These are desperate situations that I fully understand, having been there in the past myself.

This is not about my story though,  but how through my experience I could possibly help you.

You see for me, the stories are slightly different but also the same…..the Addicts are creating their chaos into the lives of others. Making you all ill whilst you’re just trying to do the right thing and protect your children.

Alcoholism goes from heavy drinking to progressively worse and worse drinking, to life threatening drinking which puts them by their own fault in harm’s way. Such as falling off a roof!!! Surely this is extreme enough for you to realise and go.

This is my advice; It won’t get better, it will only get worse. At the expense of your health ( the sane people ), which you don’t deserve. Remember even if your children love their father, what is this showing them? That it’s ok to behave like this? Show them that it’s definitely not ok to destroy other people’s lives and health.

You must LEAVE, any way you can. Lizzie so proud of you for doing this….don’t ever go back to it. He must take responsibility for himself. Ladies you are not responsible!!!!

To be healthy and not constantly living in a storm of anxiety is a basic human need. No one has the right to do this to another human being and their own children. You owe it to your children for them to grow up in a safer environment.

Gather the strength and LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE. Sending love and best wishes to you.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

 

 

 

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