[thelittleonex]

The background: my partner has been on and off drugs for around 10 years, I’ve dabbled with them myself, never been addicted or relied on them. We decided we wanted to have a family so all drugs were stopped, supposedly. I’m now 20 weeks pregnant.

The problem: so i found out this morning that my partner is addicted to cocaine, its been going on for around 2 months. I had no idea! This is a major issue financially as we are always skint, I thought we were just careless with money as we take his little one out on a weekend and go a little ott. He has assured me theres never been a time hes taking drugs before having the little one which I believe. His reasons for the drug use is too much stress, but he has just taken on a 3rd job which he said to me its so we can have more money for us but really its so he can get more gear. When he’s on a high he gets confidence and he had set up an account where he could send and receive dirty pictures/messages, he is adamant that he hasn’t met up with anyone but has spoken sexually to them and sent photos ect, is this normal for someone on cocaine to do this? Or could there be another issue there? He has said that its only me he wants and he does it for the attention from the people because he’s never confident and feels worthless apart from when hes on coke. I give him plenty of attention, compliments, he knows I find him attractive and I make him feel like the only guy in the world, I dont understand. I dont want to leave him, we are great together, our relationship seems to be amazing, we are constantly laughing and smiling or cuddling.. so is it just the addiction or could it be us too? With our little one on the way I need to get it sorted. He has referred himself to a number of support places to get sorted as he knows the outcome if he doesnt. I want to support him for our baby, I want to be with him but i really dont know if i can trust him 🙁

Sorry if its all over the place and a big read, my head is just everywhere right now.

Thank you x

[2468]

I’m sure you are all over the place and hormones from pregnancy it’s not easy for you or him drugs destroy people and there familys. I have a son who steals lies and smokes drugs and it hurts to watch him. Stay strong for yourself and baby people will judge but they have no idea unless they live it in some way .

[thelittleonex]

Thank you for your reply. It’s absolutely horrendous, I’ve had to leave for a few days. He’s mortified by what hes done you can see it, he’s terrified to lose everything.. The drugs I can deal with and will help him with but the things he done on them is heartbreaking and has made me question everything. I want as little people to know because I dont want them judging but i need guidance and support too.

[2468]

Can u not speak with family drug advisory people they can advise u and listen they don’t judge and if people judge it’s because it’s easy to say I wouldn’t do this I wouldn’t put up with that if u not dealing with it iv had people say to I would chuck him out have nothing to do with him shut the door in his face u can say that if u not going through it so pls don’t worry about what people say. I hope this helps a little

[thelittleonex]

It helps a great deal, my brother went through similar and I hated him for it instead of trying to help him I regret that but think it was easier to shut it out than deal with it, this is a lot different. I’m at the drs next week because before today ive felt down in the dumps just thought it was normal but been advised it could be mild prenatal depression so best get it checked out then today happened and I feel like a complete fruit loop so hoping they will help out. I dont care what people say but i have a short fuse and if someone said something id just blow. I really hope you get sorted with your son

[firebee]

I was looking for help for dealing with my partner and ive just read your post. My partner done this as well. I noticed he had installed snapchat and kik on his phone. I confronted him and he lied to me. Saying it was for contact with mates. I said people only really use that stuff for untraceable sexual content. He of course denied this until I caught him out. He left his email account logged into my pc and there i saw it all. He had been contacting people using kik abd snapchat. For pics.videos. thing is he had asked location as well. Why ask location if there was never an intention to meet up? He was doing huge amounts of coke at this time.Going missing for days hanging out with some new mate of his and staying there. How will I ever know if he met them or not. I have decided to give him the benefit of the doubt after he broke down when i said we were finished. He a blamed it on the coke.Saying it messed with his mind. He been amazing since.This was 5 months ago. But now ive found crack paraphenalia in my bin and so we move onto the next problem as we all know theres always something.Some drama.Some new way to self sabotage whats good to further their own feeling of unworthiness. So now I have to decide. Is it his or was it his mates and he knew nothing about it. I know what i would prefer to believe. Love is blind though isnt it.

[thelittleonex]

Firebee, its a really difficult situation to be in. When I looked more into his account he had on that he would travel to meet people, but is adamant he hasn’t. He works nights and I work days, so how do I know this hasn’t happened, just have to believe him but it’s hard to believe someone who’s been lying to you. I understand your feelings towards the paraphenalia, id want to believe its not his too but are we just kidding ourselves because we don’t want to lose them? I constantly question things, like money. I have even checked to see if there’s any ’emptys’ lying about, but I’m driving myself crazy with it. I’ve ordered a drug test off the internet for coke use, just waiting to randomly get him to take it and we will see what happens. He said he’s been clean since I found out im just not sure anymore.

[bella85]

I’m just gonna jump in on this one because I can’t relate to both of you. I also found that hubby had been using certain sites that mainly advertised escorts..I don’t know how long it went on for but he’d been using my iPad to do it! And on a separate occasion I’d looked at his emails and seen he’d signed up to the sites. He said it was nothing and he was just looking etc and would never act on it. He would go missing over night etc and say he was with friends-the type of friends that I know he’d be doing drugs with so maybe he was telling the truth. This particular issue hasn’t been an issue for a long time now. I still don’t know if anything happened and maybe I don’t want to know. I’ll tell you something though, when the drug use was especially bad (he’s been clean for nearly 7 weeks now) I almost wished he were cheating as it would have made it easier for me to walk away xx

[thelittleonex]

Bella85.. I really wish my partner would just say he has cheated cos I would just up and go, but the unknown is the thing that is destroying me. If he fails the drugs test then I will go because I dont want that around me or the baby. It’s not a nice thing but I’m glad there are some others out there who have had similar experiences because when he said Aw its nothing and that nothings happened I felt like it was just a huge load of bullshit, but supposedly a lot of men do it ????

[bella85]

How strange that we (and many others I’m sure) would find it easier to leave if our men cheated but somehow give chance after chance when it comes to drug use yet it’s almost the same thing. They still lie, sneak around to get their hands on something else, go off and leave us wondering for days/hours on end, make us feel second best and the bottom on the list of their priorities.

I can’t tell you if a lot of men do it, I haven’t had many relationships before this one. Maybe it’s a result of the drug use-cocaine does typically increase libido or maybe it’s a personality trait that our men just feel the need to keep something from us? Xx

[thelittleonex]

It is strange indeed.. I think it’s because it’s not a person, its a substance and an addiction.. cocaine effects people in different ways ive heard if people having no libido and issues with their penis shrinking but I’ve also heard that people have had the best sex on it. I’ve never been through it before either which is why I didn’t understand it but now I’ve spoke about it to a few people they have said they know someone who has done it or their partners have xx

[eja]

Hiya, I just wanted to know how you are doing now and if you and your partner have been able to overcome the problems?

I have a similar situation. In March this year my partner and I split up due to finding on his phone him reaching out prostitutes whilst being off his face on coke one random Wednesday evening he was at his friends watching football. It turned out to be a coke addiction which seemed to just get worse from us splitting up. I was completely heartbroken and beside myself that he could of done this to me but he blamed it on his addiction and says the coke hijacks his brain. In May this year he had a breakdown and his family and friends sent him to rehab. He is now out of rehab and is 120 days clean and we are trying to make things work but I seem to have resent and cannot forget what he did to me. I have had trouble eating from March until now and have developed a problem with myself stemmed from this episode in my life. I am torn between believing him that it wasn’t him that night and his addiction took over, and then on the other hand am I just making excuses for a guy who will always be deceitful. We are trying to make things work but I am struggling to let go of what he did to me and we are not getting on because of this reason, and also the fact that I now have my own issues.

xx

[thelittleonex]

Eja.. I fully understand the way you feel towards him, I am completely the same. I have to go to therapy every week because my mind just can’t handle the million thoughts that go through it every day, they are the same ones over and over again.. i love him I want to be with him but every second I think about what he has done and it tears me apart again. I want to make it work for the baby, also because our relationship was absolutely awesome and its not something I just want to give up on.. I’ve not told him my thoughts cos how do you tell someone that you wake up each day and think about leaving them. He’s says im his rock and he can’t do it without me. I think he’s getting there with his addiction as its been 7weeks and he says he’s had nothing, but i just have to believe him. Xx

[thistim3]

It was decades ago, and I suspected several – no, many times that he might be cheating. But, then I would immediately not believe it when thinking about the man that I knew and loved. That man wouldn’t cheat on me. The man on the cocaine married to me would and did cheat. I didn’t know about the coke and didn’t believe he would cheat. The cheating I just found out about last year.

This freak show went on for about 5 years. Today knowing what I now, I have all these emotions. I feel weirded out by all this. This man that I love. He is embarrassed by his behavior all those years ago – the coke years. I’m still processing this. He quit the coke, that’s what we both wanted. We are blessed. I have to forgive and put it behind us if there is any chance for happiness. As I continue to wonder where he was all those hours and days during the coke years. Where do our loved ones go when they disappear and leave us to go on their drug binge? When I ask he gets this look on face that he is also weirded out. He doesn’t want to look at it. Look at what? What happened? When will I know the rest?

[thistim3]

It was decades ago, and I suspected several – no, many times that he might be cheating. But, then I would immediately not believe it when thinking about the man that I knew and loved. That man wouldn’t cheat on me. The man on the cocaine married to me would and did cheat. I didn’t know about the coke and didn’t believe he would cheat. The cheating I just found out about last year.

This freak show went on for about 5 years. Today knowing what I now, I have all these emotions. I feel weirded out by all this. This man that I love. He is embarrassed by his behavior all those years ago – the coke years. I’m still processing this. He quit the coke decades ago the day I found out about it, that’s what we both wanted. We are blessed. I have to forgive and put it behind us if there is any chance for happiness. As I continue to wonder where he was all those hours and days during the coke years. Where do our loved ones go when they disappear and leave us to go on their drug binge? When I ask he gets this look on face that he is also weirded out. He doesn’t want to look at it. Look at what? What happened? When will I know the rest? Does it matter?

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