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No you don’t have to put up with that behaviour, no it’s not your fault and yes you need to put yourself first. I think it’s best to have a really open discussion about where this life is leading you and where you want it to be. You have a choice and the choices you make will have consequences but being dragged down by your partners issues isn’t fair and unless he is prepared to acknowledge a problem and address it by seeking help then there really isn’t much you can do to help. Unfortunately there isn’t a magic wand you can wave to just fix a person but you can choose whether you spend any more energy trying to fix them or focus on yourself. It’s not selfish to want to be happy even if that means sacrificing a relationship. I wish it was simple and that I could take my own advice but my husband has acknowledged his alcoholism and wants to get help but I have told him I haven’t made any decisions about staying with him or not and will not be rushed to do so, so we are in limbo at the moment. You do have a choice, a relationship shouldn’t feel like a prison sentence and you shouldn’t feel guilty about putting yourself and your children first x
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Your partner’s behaviour really isn’t your fault and Flo is right you can put yourself and your children first. If you would like some support for yourself The Icarus Trust is a charity that is there to help the friends and families of addicts. We have trained volunteers who you could talk to if you feel that it would be helpful. It is a free service and they have lots of experience of talking to people in similar situations to yourself. Talking with someone who understands can often help you to make decisions and see the way ahead.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck!
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