[bowielover1947]

So me and my sister used to be very close. We used to live together but her drinking forced me to move out because it was so toxic for me to be around. Now we still have a relationship I see her every couple weeks and we talk frequently but we just don’t talk about her drinking. And now she’s allegedly getting sober (again) and I know I should be happy but I’m not. She texted me this morning telling me she’s going to get sober and how much she loves me and how it’s like a fog has lifted from her eyes. Okay great, I’ve heard this a LOT. And I know relapses are part of recovery but it makes me so angry she would tell me this. Tell me this in six months when it’s stuck around for a while. Don’t tell me this and then a month later be drinking again. I know she reached out because she needs support, but what about my needs? I need to not be disappointed again and historically no one seems to care about that, their needs have to come first. And I responded well to it told her I was proud of her etc but internally I’m absolutely enraged because I shouldn’t be put through this again. I’ve accepted my sister is an alcoholic and I won’t get what I need from her in terms of support. And I want to support her and believe in her but I’m done with putting faith in my loved ones in battling their addictions. It’s just my entire life I’ve grown up with addicts both of my parents are addicts and so were all five of my siblings. I’m the only person in my family who hasn’t had addiction issues and it makes me feel like they collectively don’t think I have problems or that I have some sort of unlimited store of strength I can lend them when they need it. I refuse to be let down again by anyone. it’s hard because I want my sister to get sober. I don’t know how to support her if I don’t believe in her. If I think she’s going to fail how can I support her? But I cannot let myself believe this will be the time it sticks because I value my emotional wellbeing more than anything in the world. It’s just unfair especially because when I do support her when she’s sober she later resents me when she’s drinking again because she knows I don’t like it. I try not to be judgmental and we don’t talk about it but I’m not going out of my way to help her again if in a month she’s going to be drinking and then pissed at me for having wanted more from her. I know addiction is a disease and my anger isn’t necessarily fair but it still exists

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