[debzie]

Hi all, very new to this. My son has been taking cocaine, getting in debt with it. All the family have paid the dealer to get him out of trouble, don’t know what to do, I’m at my wits end x

[lindyloo]

Hi Debzie, welcome to the forum, we all have loved ones who have addictions and some people in recovery offering support and advice.

It’s difficult to know what to say as everyone’s situation us different.

The forum has support so do Icarus trust who post here.

I usually go onto the Theresa thread click on ‘share your Story ‘. There are several of us mums with sons who have addictions, everyone is a great support to each other.

I think you need to give him guidelines about what’s acceptable and what’s not, and that you won’t be paying off any more debt. Although it’s easier said than done.

Please don’t feel alone, and please look after yourself and the rest of family.

Keep in touch on here too.

My son is 28yrs and is addicted to cocaine and alcohol. Hes had periods where he’s been clean, but then relapses unfortunately, but this is normal I’m told.

Always here to chat

Lx

[debzie]

Thank you so much for your reply. Its hard as he doesn’t love with me, he is 24, has a lovely girlfriend, who does not take drugs and a beautiful 1 year old daughter. Its breaking my heart .

D x

[debzie]

Live not love sorry

[68862]

Hi Debzie sorry to hear about your son. Reaching out to this forum will be a lifeline for you. It has helped me so much just knowing that there are others who will not judge and can resonate with your situation. My son is a gambling and cocaine addict. He is 33, has been doing both for the last 15 years and it has been worse over the last 3. We have bailed him out to the tune of over £40,000. Last week he used his rent money so now we will be paying that. But we have vowed enough is enough and we will walk away the next time. He has lost 2 serious relationships, a wife and a home but luckily he’s still holding onto his job and his son. We have been verbally abused, he has begged us, pleaded with us and threatened with not seeing out grandson and the emotional blackmail to give him money has been massive over the last 3 years. We went to a family support group who advised us not to enable him but its so difficult when he is literally crying and begging for help and you see your son brought down to this level. We all pray for a miracle as I suspect you do. I cannot advise what is best for you but all I will say is we all know we shouldn’t enable them or make it too easy for them. That has been my biggest mistake. Perhaps if I hadn’t helped so easily years ago we wouldn’t be in the mess we are now. My husband is a nervous wreck and feels life is over because of the son he was so proud of. Join the thread Lindyloo suggested it really does help.

[debzie]

Thank you so much for replying, I do feel so alone. My eldest daughter is my rock she is so supportive of my feelings. He is my youngest son, I’m totally heartbroken x

[danman83]

Hiya debzie, I hope your OK. I’m 4 month clean from cocaine now. After 12 years of using. It’s a horrible drug, and I’m afraid it’s everywhere. I finally joined cocaine anonymous and I’ve been clean ever since. It effects everyone. I’ve been on meetings where there are doctors on who have a cocaine addiction. It’s literally everywhere these days.

But anyway, if you want your son to stop, you can not force him. Shouting ect.. Will get you nowere.

He needs to want to quit for himself. Then go from there. If he doesn’t he may need to hit his rock bottom. I had a few rock bottoms.

I just had enough of coke and wanted to stop. I tried everything.

Don’t keep paying his debts anymore. He will just get more and more and expect you to do so.

He needs to.. If he wants to quit that is.. To delete dealers nums, friends who use as well. And not drink alcohol as this is a main trigger to use. But the main thing as 1st is.. He needs to want to quit for himself.

Does he want to?

Feel free to ask me anything

[debzie]

Hi Dan, thank you for replying to me, he says he wants to quit, but to be honest I don’t know if I believe him anymore. He said that he has spoke to someone and joined a group. He said he was advised not to drink, so he is giving up drinking for a year to see how he goes. He called me last week In a state and said that if he foesnt pay up he would be hurt, so as a mother I didn’t feel I has a choice.

I really hope he sticks to his words because he is hurting everyone around him.

The other reason I paid is because he has a beautiful baby and I’m terrified that they will be hurt.

Thank you D x

[danman83]

Ye I fully understand why u paid. Just don’t let him keep taking advantage. I had that mentality I’d just not drink for x a mount of months. It doesn’t work. And then after a year when he drinks he could relapse on coke.

So I’ve had to quit alcohol aswell.

Will he join CA? I totally get how u feel. I told my mum everything and it broke her.

Tell him listen to a few addiction recovery stories on you tube and podcast. They help me alot. Plus meetings are on zoom now aswell.

[debzie]

Thank you x

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