[annoee]

I read your message just now and feel I need to respond. I have just tonight left my son on his sofa bed at his house where he lives with his pregnant wife and 6 yrs old daughter.

He is struggling with alcohol dependency and has had addiction issues for years. He has been in detox and rehab last year.

Thiss is so difficult for us as mother’s.

I know I cannot advise you and that we are all different. I just want you to know, sadly, you are not alone.

It is so difficult to know where to turn but we have to be strong and remember we need to look after ourselves too x

 

[Annette54]

Let your son go…….  Really, you’ve done your best and his addiction is really affecting the rest of the family.  Far better that he moves out and gets professional help.  None of you can fix, nor save him, that’s HIS job.  I write as sister to an almost lifelong drug using younger brother and now with an adult son with similar issues.  Far easier when they live away and you can see him every 2-3 months.  Never give money, pay a bill IF you want to and can afford to.  I found just walking and talking really works.  No expectations, just treating him like a human being and family member.

Addiction changes our brains.  It short circuits the dopamine (pleasure) receptors to make them crave drugs or alcohol.  The rest of us are just a blur once the addiction really sets in.  If you want to understand more, I suggest you look at TED talks by Dr. Gabor Mate and Marc Lewis, both experts in trauma, addiction and recovery.  Beneath our using (and I misused booze for some decades: drank at home so noone knew) is almost always some kind of childhood trauma, or intergenerational trauma.  (Going back 3-4 generations.)  I quit drinking at 62 and am now fit and healthy with zero depression, nor mental health issues.

Sending big hugs and good luck!

Don’t feel ashamed, make sure you all stay well and live your lives knowing how hard you tried.  Sending big hugs.

[abibby123]

Hi, I am new to this site and it’s so sad to hear that there are so many of us in such situations.  I think what you have done is incredibly brave.  My son has an alcohol addiction too, but just won’t admit it.  I too have taken him for counselling, psychiatric help, medication, the works!  He stops for a while but then it’s just back to the same old story.  He too smokes weed saying that this calms him down and then he doesn’t drink.  He is a bit younger than your son but I spend most evenings trying to find somewhere cheap enough to rent for him to move out.  I just wanted to say you are not alone and sending a hug.

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