[catsmum]

I don’t really know how to start, but I need to get this out of me.

I had such a fantastic relationship with my son before he bacame a cocaine addict.

Over the years his behavior and moods started changing, he had a big gambling problem first, after finding that out I supported him went to meetings with him so much worry.

Fast forward some of my jewellery went missing, come home from a holiday to find belongings missing.

He couldn’t hold a job down, set his own business up a couple of times giving us a hint of his old self.. Only for him to be spending incredible amounts of money on cocaine which I found out after. He was a totally different person. We had people banging on the door for him, I’ve had 3 breakdowns. Something happened in the summer and he stopped it was like I had got my son back can’t describe how happy we all were. Then he relapsed 6 months later and it just goes on. We’ve helped when we shouldn’t have I suppose but it’s so hard. Now it’s affecting my relationship with my husband. I just wake up crying everyday. Feel so alone. Sorry for waffling

[debc]

Hi Catsmum,

Welcome to the Forum, a place where you will find lots of Mums in the same, sad situation, but if it’s any comfort to you, it’s a great place to share your story and chat to people.

I am also the Mum of an addict (alcohol and cocaine), and I’m sure you will agree, it is like living in hell.

Never think this is your fault, although they have a lovely way of blaming everything on us.

I don’t know whether you have read any other threads on here, but read the Theresa one, there are about 6 Mums, all with Sons that are addicts.

Being able to come on Adfam has helped me a lot, nobody judges you, we are all in a similar situation.

Sometimes addicts in Recovery will respond on here and they truly understand what we are going through and are very helpful.

The situation also affected my marriage, but really you need to stick together and give each other support. Your Son will not get help unless he is ready too, do you think he is ready or wants to?

Take time for you and your husband. Hindsight being a wonderful thing, I wished I had found Adfam a long time ago, just to be able to chat with people.

Addicts only think of themselves, so perhaps you and your husband should start thinking about yourselves at the moment, it’s very hard, but small steps.

Please keep in touch on here, and take care.

Dx

[catsmum]

Hi Debc sorry for the late reply but I’ve had a problem getting back on here.

Thanks for your reply. I’ve read Theresa’s story and the other mums it was like they were writing about my son and me.

He did so well last year when he stopped he managed for 4 months.

He just says he can’t be on his own otherwise he will start again so probably not ready. I’m sitting in my own home terrified.. He owes money and had been given up to 12pm to pay.

This is the first time we haven’t caved in and paid it. It’s so hard though.

My priority this week is to spend some quality time with my husband.

Thanks again.

[debc]

Hi Catsmum,

Just reply when you can, it’s not a problem.

That’s the thing about the stories, they are all the same, the addicts do the same things, lies, manipulation, the money side of it is awful and all in all it’s very draining and not good for our own Mental Health, all they think about is themselves.

We make it too easy for them by paying their drug debts, good on you for not caving in.

Have a great week with your Husband, you both deserve your own time.

Take care.

Dx

[catsmum]

Thank you xx

[catsmum]

Hi I’m not sure why I’m on here today just feel everything is overwhelming. My son has sought help which at the moment seems to be going well. It’s just I suppose we’re still on the cliffs edge. He had some incredibly bad luck at the weekend for which he has managed extremely well. Proud of him for that. I’m so scared for him and just want things to go his way and for him to continue to work for this.

It’s just apart from the stress and nerves, I’m frightened for our future too.

We just seem to be bailing him out all the time.

I’ve told him I want money weekly from Friday, no excuses or dramas else he shall have to leave.

You just dread Friday don’t you.

Sorry for rambling on, just feel so alone.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Catsmum,

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m so glad that you have found this forum so that maybe you wont feel so alone. I’m really sorry to hear how badly your son’s addiction has affected you and how ill it has made you feel.

If you would like some more support please contact us at Icarus Trust. we are a charity that offers support to families around those with addictions as we know how hard this is to cope with. we have experienced trained people that you could speak with if you get in touch. They are good listeners and would understand what you are dealing with. They would also be able to tell you what other help is available.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrst.org

I hope this helps. Good luck.

[catsmum]

Thank you for letting me know about icarus I shall have a look.

[lindyloo]

Hi Catsmum

I usually post on the Theresa thread, but I like to support others in same situation.

It’s a nightmare, I know, I’ve been there too. Pleased don’t feel alone in this.

My son has alcohol and cocaine addictions. They go hand in hand generally, my son is currently over 4 Months into recovery thankfully. He has to abstain completely from alcohol.

We also had to bail my son out several times, costing thousands. We had to say ‘no more,’ he was ready to seek help by then. He joined CA and AA meetings, did the 12 step program with his sponsor. It wasn’t easy for him, especially the early weeks. But as he was making the effort – so were we.

I wanted you to know there’s light at the end of the tunnel. My son still has off days, but he keeps busy, does daily meetings and meditation. Also does podcasts and has the fellowship guys to support him.

I believe the Icarus trust offers advice and support too. Please find time to look after yourself and your well being.

Take care ❤

Lx

[lizzie1210]

Hi Catsmum

I had to do a double take on reading this, because it sounded so much like my family’s story. I’m the sibling of a coke and alcohol addict and Debc has it right by saying that it’s like living in hell. The constant worry is overwhelming. As a sibling I fear for what this is doing to my elderly parents’ health. The main thing to remember is that you can’t cure or control it and your first priority needs to be taking care of your own health, as does your husband. If you have other children then take it from me, they will appreciate seeing you looking after yourself and setting some boundaries with your son. Counselling has helped me to learn better boundaries and not feeling guilty for needing to step back when my own mental health was suffering

[catsmum]

Thanks both glad that your son is doing well l.

Lizzie it is a constant living hell, living on edge constantly.at least no longer afraid of the door being kicked in.

I’ve had some counselling which has helped me to manage my emotions a little. I think I would benefit from some more.

I do worry about my daughter in it all as you say. I try my best with setting boundaries and feel that I’m getting better with that.

Thanks both x

[lindyloo]

It really does affect the whole family. My daughter ( younger than son) was really traumatised when it was at it’s worst.

It was like being exposed to some dark underworld that we didn’t know existed.

She saw us upset and stressed a lot, while she was trying to study.

It must have been awful for her, I know it was for us.

Part of the 12 steps program is to say sorry to those you’ve hurt, and to make amends. He did that.

We can all hopefully forgive and forget and move on with our lives now .

Let’s start to be good to ourselves and start putting ourselves and others first. No point in making ourselves ill with worry.

Take care all.

Lx

[lindyloo]

It really does affect the whole family. My daughter ( younger than son) was really traumatised when it was at it’s worst.

It was like being exposed to some dark underworld that we didn’t know existed.

She saw us upset and stressed a lot, while she was trying to study.

It must have been awful for her, I know it was for us.

Part of the 12 steps program is to say sorry to those you’ve hurt, and to make amends. He did that.

We can all hopefully forgive and forget and move on with our lives now .

Let’s start to be good to ourselves and start putting ourselves and others first. No point in making ourselves ill with worry.

Take care all.

Lx

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