- This topic has 111 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 5 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
-
Where do I start …..I think my son started using drugs when he was at secondary school……I ended up kicking him out of my home, he stole from me, was intimidating etc….he sofa surfed and moved in with a girl, they now have a nice home and he a decent job which he holds down…just… I have given so much money over the years to try to get him straight, he is still very in debt….I gave him 200 this month towards his rent he gave it to a dealer…..his girlfriend says she is leaving . To keep the house he has to pay most of this months wages to housing….he still has drug debts to pay. They have asked me to pay ten pound a day till the end of the month for petrol to get him to work…..I am tired of it and my finances are taking a nose dive but I feel so guilty what should I do
-
He needs to admit he has a problem and seek help. And avoid everyone to do with coke. Delete all there numbers and come off social media, and take up other activities.
Im in the same situation but i dont get my self in debt and you could say i have it under control… well sort of. Im lapsing once a month. And im 4 week clean today.. but he needs to change his lifestlye top to bottom.. and cut out every one to do with drugs. But the main thing is he needs to want it.. and more or less hit rock bottom.
-
Omg I feel your pain…. My son… I feel is in the same position…. I give him. Money for fuel…. But he should have money for that as he is in a well. Paid job. Think we need to be tougher on them
-
-
It’s hard. And having hurt my mother about 10 years ago in similar ways, I can also relate. He most definitely goes through deep feelings of guilt and there are times he genuinely believes he’s had enough, it’s just not worth the latter results that drug use leaves a person with before they completely come down.
I don’t think wanting to change is enough on it’s own, or even having a really good reason such as a baby on the way.
The more people try to advise, the worse it can make things. And for those closest, the despair, the hurt and their own feelings of well, guilt. The bewilderment will lead to a range of emotions.
My mother never gave up on me. But alas we’re all different do it’s never going to be easy to offer advice that will help. My mother loved and loves me to this day. During those dark times it was her and my sister that remained throughout. Sometimes understanding, and sometimes anger. Always hurt and pity in their eyes. But they never judged me. The only ones.
What helped me was changing my surroundings. Yes I wanted to change. It was nearly too late. I couldn’t believe I was stealing from my family and putting myself in some very dark and dangerous places. I changed my surroundings by pure chance several times, but it wasn’t until I found “the right place” that I naturally just kicked the habit, literally overnight.
I had no money, I was with people that were aware of my situation, but i also had no access to the substance and was in a situation where i had to get on with things.
No one forced me. I don’t really understand it myself. But I do believe that I’d advise anyone to maybe travel or go to stay with long lost relatives or friends, far, far away from the norm.
-
Thanks for sharing that, I always find it really interesting listening to the addicts mindset, because from the outside it all seems mad and so irrational.
My husband tried many times to get clean, moved away various times, but each time he found ways of obtaining drugs, or switching one drug for another. He stopped coke but continued taking codeine etc. So where I’d always blamed the coke, his mood was just as awful on codeine. I don’t think it’s one particular drug that’s to blame, although coke it notorious for the extreme mood changes, it’s once the path has been crossed over into addiction that the problems start. That’s when the lying, the manipulation etc. Comes into play.
I like you, don’t understand it, eventually he just stopped. I worked on me and left him to do as he wanted. It was then, he chose another path for himself. So I’m thinking, it doesn’t matter where you are, how much your family threaten, or love you, nothing will stop you, until you reach that decision for yourself. I do agree, that when you’re in deep addiction, you need to get away, even temporarily, just so you’re out of that cycle, to then begin to contemplate another way of life. When my husband was deep in and using lots, nothing could have convinced him otherwise, once the money began to run out and I stopped caring, it seemed to loosen the grip.
-
-
-
-
Hi there,
Firstly you need to back away, preferably with love. He may not think it’s with love and kindness at the time when you stop bailing him out, but in the long run it’s the only solution.
My husband was the addict, I can’t begin to think how hard it must be if it’s your child. It’s easier in a way to leave a spouse but when it’s your child, the thoughts of “what might happen to him” if you don’t help, I imagine must be overwhelming. In some ways though it’s helping to keep him stuck.
I recommend that you seek help, try Al anon they have been a life saver for me. They are mainly for families of alcoholics but drugs/gambling whatever it’s all addiction, so the principles are the same. They show you how to live again, how to regain some sanity, because I know how hard and emotionally draining it is.
-
I am totally in the same boat as you
-
-
Hi Kate, I feel your pain and empathise with you wholeheartedly. My son, nearly 32, moved back home with us in February after his wife of 3 years couldn’t cope any more. They have a 15 month old son too. He’d run up gambling debts and drug debts and has literally bankrupt them but also myself and his dad. We have been naive in the whole situation and honestly thought things would change if he moved back home. He’s remorseful every couple of weeks but is lairy, or has no energy, blames everyone else for his situation and lies, lies, lies! He’s had counselling on and off for years but his last lot he says went well and now attends a weekly group session. The last year has been the worst I have ever known him to be and he admits to having been doing cocaine since he was a teenager. We always thought gambling was the real issue but he’s admitted that cocaine is the real problem. I’ve been emotionally blackmailed into giving him thousands with the threat of what the dealers will do to his wife and baby. He’s threatened ending it all many times. Today I checked a coat pocket of his where I knew there were used tissues and rolled up receipts and a scratch card that he obviously sniffs the lines from. I wish I hadn’t as I found a fresh used bag. I’ve tackled him about it and he denies it saying it was an old one from his wallet. I’d warned him if I found anything else he’d be out but after arguing by text I’ve backed down. I can’t kick him out. He says he’ll go but he has no money and nowhere to go. Why can I not detach myself from him he’s 32 for Christ sake. Myself and my husband have both been to counselling and my husband attends a group for families and friends but he doesn’t know about this incident today. His wife is a nervous wreck and she has now filed for divorce. He has debt companies chasing him because he hasn’t paid the loans he’s taken out to cover his debt. He has literally made us all pathetic, helpless and broke. As B8988 said he is paranoid about his wife having affairs accusing her of all sorts. She has now filed for divorce. He’s become isolated, he was once the life and sole and very well liked but I believe our community know what he is now and don’t bother with him. I’m waiting for him to come home after his meeting to see what he has to say but I really don’t know how much more we can take. Oh and alcohol is another issue, he can’t just have one he has to become absolutely hammered. What happened to our lovely, talented son ????????????.
-
I’m in the same position as your daughter in law.
The money that my ‘husband’ owes friends and his family is horrendous. Never mind the credit card bills and the debt collectors threatening to come round.
All because of choosing to sniff cocaine when out getting hammered with his friends and family.
‘Husband’ thought he was invincible and took big risks with money and I am left with his debt, loans and his failing business. I too am a nervous wreck, feeling pathetic and broke. I’m on anti depressants and having therapy but it seems never ending.
Sniffing coke was the downfall of my ‘wonderful husband’ who now fixates on all things negative. He was also the life and soul and well respected as a hardworking man and good husband.
-
-
-
Wow. Some really brilliant posts. It’s easy to forget sometimes the lies. And how as an addict you become proficient at it. Until it’s all gone too far and you cant see that you’re lies just don’t work. The denial. But also the times when the come down off a mad binge for a moment genuinely makes you feel like, ‘yes, I’m ready to stop, I hate myself, why am I like this …’.
So many comments from this thread ring home. The cruel to be kind is the hardest. But also the comment about only the addict can stop it is so true.
If I could buy an island to treat people I know I could help. Too long winded to explain. But then it’s the return to that place and the risk of relapse.
It’s a lifetime battle. There really is no answer. And that may sound like a terrible thought. But what I mean is, there are ways, its finding it.
I joined the reserves. I don’t know how I did it. But I stuck to it. I was in a place where I had to respect my abode, had good influences around me. And, at the risk of unsettling some of you, an older woman who helped in ways. Ah, so much to try and say. Not saying enough, coming out a bit rambled and incomplete.
Theres a film I’d recommend, ‘Beautiful Boy’. But be warned, its quite powerful. Particularly for those of us that can relate.
-
-
Whats his situation now kate? Dont give up on him, theres no greater love than the love for you children. Some people just get in a really bad rut and its so hard to get out of it. I told my mum everything she was crying her eyes out and worrys about me alot.
This is just a suggestion.. but i dnt know how bad he is… what if you tell him to get anger councilling and drug and come back yours and only if he is willing to do it all and want to quit. But i dont know how bad he is at home. So thats up 2 u. Sit him down tell him its breaking u and u dont want to see out bad happen to him.. good luck
-
-
Ye i understand kate.. you cant risk out like that with your grandson. Does he want to stop?
-
-
Good luck on Monday Kate i’ll be thinking of you and thank you Oiley and Danman for giving your stories from an addict’s perspective. I too wish I could teleport my son to outer Mongolia to live a different life, to give him a chance to get clean. When he came home after me tackling him about what I found in his pocket he was not happy at all. He’d been to his meeting but wouldn’t discuss what was said. Yesterday he didn’t have work and I went out. I got home just after 4 and he was still in bed which infuriates me. I knew why, it was because it was coming out of his system again! This is what happens so I can read the signs now. If he stays in bed all day its because he’s taken coke the night before or the night before that and it makes him anxious,fretful and paranoid. He did eventually get up, get showered and go and see his son for a hour or so. He was in a better mood than the previous day and when he came home he was nicer. How long this will last I don’t know. He will be out all day today coaching, I just hope he behaves after the game and doesn’t borrow money to either get drunk or do the other. I wish I could have faith in him.
-
-
To be honest.. its everywere now.. every pub.. it can get dropped off in 10 mins.
My sister knows a drug councillor and one of her clients in the past was a ryan air pilot.
Im laspsing once a month on coke. I was doing great friday.. its a long story.. but the dealer came past my house friday and offered it me. And i took it. If he wasnt there i would of been ok. It is will power but everyone is different .
He needs to delete all dealers nums. And even come off all social media. He needs to shut every one out. And no alcohol. Alcohol is a main trigger to get coke. Theres a good app called pocket rehab that helps you.
And i recommemd for you and him to watch a video on you tube of.. louise clarke on crack and cocaine part 123.. she is an expert and knows her stuff.. and goes into detail why we get addicted to coke and how to stop.
At least he wants to stop which is great. But.. if he works with people that do coke.. sell it… its going to be hard.
-
-
It doesn’t matter how much money you give him it will only enable him. Hopefully he will pay the arrears on the house and will only have whats left to live on. The dealers just want his custom and his money so hopefully he will not have racked up too much debt. Give him money out of guilt and he will only buy more he won’t go without to take money off his drug debt.
-
-
Anyone that says ” they need to admit it” yes I know and completely understand, but in the mean time I am skint and in bits
-
-
Hi Kate,
I can see that your son’s addiction is really hard for you and it’s difficult to know what to do for the best.
I work for a charity called Icarus Trust which you may find helpful to contact. We offer support for people dealing with the impact of a family member’s addiction, like yourself, because we know it’s so hard.
Please get in touch if you think that talking with one of our trained and experienced people would be helpful to you.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best.
-
-
Hi kate this will sound harsh but dont take a loan out. It won’t end up with just one loan. Myself and his dad are over £40,000 in debt because of the promises . Hes been remorseful, wants to change, doesn’t want this life any more and convinces us it will happen but in the last year it has got worse. The more you give in the more he’ll have you to fall back on. I am now with a debt management company because of the amount I had going out and I could cope with it. He emotionally blackmailed me say his wife will leave him, the dealers will do all sorts to her and his house and child or he was going to top himself. But sadly there has been no change and his wife wants a divorce anyway. Obviously you do what you feel is best but speaking from experience and from what our counsellors have advised us, do not give him anymore.
-
-
Kate it’s so heartbreaking. I think I said in my first post my son has payday loan companies chasing him where he has ignored their payments. He has buried his head in the sand in favour of his addiction. This is why his wife is asking for a divorce. What I was trying to say was no matter how much you help him financially because he promises to pay off debts and dealers it will be you who is the loser because he will continue to use cocaine. Myself and his dad have been to group sessions and individual assessments and the first thing they tell you is do not continue bailing them out. I hate this whole situation and I never ever would have dreamed we would be in this mess but I do blame myself for being sucked in to his false promises and lies and should have said no when he first started asking for financial help. Like you though I was weak, sad, bloody scared and believed that he wanted to change. I know he does but hes still not strong enough to stop it. So I wont be giving him anymore money. They will probably have to sell the house in the end to pay off the huge debts or the bailiffs will be in. His wife never even had s credit card before she met him and now she is classed as bankrupt. I’m sorry this message isn’t as positive as you might have liked but I’m just telling you our experience. I really hope your son sticks to his side of the deal for all your sakes x
-
-
-
Hi Kate, he always pays the dealers so this us why he owes the loan companies etc . He too is with Stepchange and so am I now. My husband recently retired and I am 60 next year this is not how we wanted our retirement. We cant be extravagant, we have to watch every penny but he doesn’t get it. To him it’s just money there is no thought about what hes done until he uses and then becomes remorseful, paranoid and anxious. The same pattern everytime. I absolutely get where you’re coming from and I honestly don’t know what the answer is but we have told him the handouts stop and my husband is adamant that if he continues hell have to go . I dont know if I can bear that x
-
-
-
-
I so feel for you I dont know how old your son is but mine is 32 and although I love him to bits I’m becoming less tolerant. What’s that saying you’re dammed if you and dammed if you dont. Xx
-
I dont know what the icarus trust is but we have been dealing with a local drugs project and they have been so supportive and helpful x
-
Please try and get professional advice from somewhere kate it will help. Xx
-
-
Kate just a reminder that we are here if you need us.
If you get in touch, one of our trained people, who are very experienced and good listeners would talk with you and may be help you to find a way forward. They would also be able to let you know what other help is available in your local area.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best.
-
-
-
Omg don’t do it, don’t take out a loan, I know it’s hard and I am exactly in the same situation as you. I have found knives in my sons bedroom too.
-
-
Kate I know exactly how you feel I have been in your position so many times. I can only go by my experience which is ongoing. My son gets paid tomorrow and he owes his dad and me so much but when I mentioned it he said there wont be anything left after he pays out what hes borrowed off of other people so god only knows if his loans are being paid. Hes had such a free ride for such a long time now I really want him to go but I dont have the heart like you. I doubt he’ll make any attempt to offer anything to us but by us not making demands for it he just carries on borrowing until payday again. He even uses my car for work as if it was his own. I certainly have made a rod for my own back that why I advise if you’re strong enough refuse the money before you’re broke but it’s so hard not to help when they are so remorseful and upset.
-
-
I feel like I want to Kick. My son out but I know I will feel guilty and cannot do. Wish he would go On his own free will. I have sat and cried this morning
-
-
When I’m really angry I want him to be on the streets with nothing but then when I’m calm I cant do it. Where this will all end I don’t know. When hes nice now i dont know if its because hes taken coke or the real person i get so confused with all the mood swings. Your son was probably suffering with the anxiety and paranoia that goes with the come down when he called you.
-
Our stories are so similar and how my son is still holding on to his job I’ll never know. Like you we know we’ll never see any of the money that he owes us. He was going to set up standing orders but that only happened once. Twice last year I had to give his wife money for the mortgage and baby’s food and every time I was promised it back but it didn’t happen and I still gave in and gave him money after listening to his stories of change and stopping. We were even abroad and I was being hounded. So that’s why now after going to the drugs group I understand why I had to stop and the fact that I’m broke! They tell us it is not our problem and help us deal with living with it. There are so many like us Kate it is frightening.
-
-
I feel like we are a perfect case for Jeremy Kyle
-
Not as far as I know just that he has a deadline to pay it before they start doing things to the house where his wife and son live but I don’t know whether that’s true or just to worry me into giving him money. I dont know if they did before she asked him to leave. Its emotional blackmail all the time and because we love them we fall for it. He blames her for chucking him out saying he wouldn’t be as bad now if they had stayed together. He says since hes been back living at home hes been the worse hes ever been and I think that may be true as hes had it too easy. Before last July he always paid me back if I leant him any money and he said it was because he gambled but if I could show you the begging texts I was getting since last July it would break your heart. Hes admitted the cocaine habit has taken over the gambling!
-
-
Jasmine/Kate, I could cry for all of us. Theres that emotional blackmail again. Jasmine I often have a quiet tear and then I think actually you’re not doing this to us anymore. Its a rollercoaster of emotions and I know we both wish they were not living at home and just go but I would be worried to death tbh. Kate have you googled for help in your local area there has to be somebody else you can talk to who will reaffirm you are doing the right thing by not giving him money. We will always be the bad guys if we dont bail them out.
-
Wish I could talk to you
-
-
-
That’s good it’s hard but well done. It has to be tough love but I know its not easy, I’m the first to admit that x
-
I am Really struggling with all this shit…. I rang Frank earlier, they wanted me to talk to a senior person, but from past experience I know it won’t help.
With there were more laws legally to help young people like this so it gets nipped on the bud before it all goes totally tits up and before you know it they themselves are dead or somebody else is ????
-
-
Can you not get the police to sort out the dealers? Sorry if I sound nieve, I am totally lost in all this and not got a clue
-
Kate/Jasminnie So my son came home from work quite upbeat, not miserable or angry. Now my worry begins because hes gone out to so say get some tobacco. My deep down thoughts are hes going to get some coke as he gets paid tomorrow. I asked him how hes got money for tobacco and he said his wife sold the dining room table and gave him £20 . I dont know if this is true not. I hate not trusting him but I just have to wait until he comes home to see how he is.
-
-
It’s all so very sad isn’t it but we can’t keep helping them with money. I’m so worried what he will be like when he comes home. I’ve just txt my son but he wont respond.
-
-
No but they’re so manipulative they’ll make us believe anything.
-
-
Just as bad as me! He went out like I said to get tobacco. I couldn’t get hold of him then he he replied saying he had done something stupid to make things better. Apparently he went to the other side of town to play poker and was so close to winning £20,000 but lost £500. I was absolutely livid. I felt so sick I couldn’t speak to him. I have no idea what hes going to do. He owes so much to loan companies and other people and of course dealers. I will not be bailing him out. I am done with his stupidity. I could cry I didn’t sleep last night. Why on earth did he think he could do this!!!
-
-
-
She shouldn’t be asking you for money . I was only ever asked for money by his wife once back last October when they were still together. She has never involved me in financial matters since they’ve been split up. Maybe if your son doesn’t have access to his children he’ll think about what hes doing.
I asked my son if he had the money to pay back his dad he said he hasn’t even got money for his bills. He only got paid today. Hes burying his head in the sand again. Its doing my head in and hes taking the piss out of us. Bed and board for free and the use of my car. Really need to read the riot act but he wont sit down and talk.
-
-
Keep strong Kate. 2019 has been a horrible year for us and I’m sure for you but we can get through this. We can’t fix everything like when they were young we just have to realise this is not our problem its theirs.
-
-
I feel as guilty as hell too but they have to learn. Dont do it you cant afford it x
-
-
In my case I’ve had to take him into work and pick him up but even that is making it too easy for him.
-
-
My son rang me last night wanting £20 for fuel. He got really nasty when I said no. It’s the first time I have said no (trying the tough love thing) so now he said he wants nothing to do with me which Hurts like hell, its so hard but I am skint too now and every other week I have never got the money back and I cannot keep going on like this, the atmosphere in the house is awful.
-
-
It’s hard Jasminnie and how they treat us is unbearable but it has to be a means to an end. They will thank us in the end, not now but maybe in years to come. Keep strong xx
-
I went to a meeting last night for relatives and friends of drug and alcohol addicts. A lady there said she up and moved and didn’t even tell her son where they were moving to. It seems to have made a difference in that he’s had to cope moving from one crack den to another but now hes in shared accommodation. It’s not perfect and hes not fully recovered but they had to take that step even though it killed her. So I guess what I’m trying to say is drastic action does work for some.
We’ve not had a brilliant week with our son admitting hes never stopped and owes so many people. My husband is a nervous wreck, he so worried what the final outcome is going to be but our son seems better after his meeting yesterday. I am determined though if his erratic behaviour and drug taking doesn’t stop he’ll have to go.
Hopefully your decision not to help will make your son wake up too!
-
-
Yes we want our son back too. I’m not sure how much he owes but he never had anything left when he got paid this month so now we have to go another month with him not contributing or paying his Bill’s. He said he didn’t even have enough to pay his phone bill. I think he’ll be summonsed soon about non payment to loan companies. To be fair he’s been very different the last 2 days, nicer not so edgy. Whether it was a realisation after he went to his support group or me going to one. We’ll never know, I just wish he’d open up to us. He did go out for a pint last night but with his uncle and only for an hour. He wouldn’t go out with all the boys to our local. Maybe he owes money there or hes avoiding temptation who knows. I hope your son starts getting some sort of professional help I really do so you can get him back and he can see the kids again and like you I wish I hadn’t fallen for all the promises and lies and realised what was going on at least I’d be richer and not have to watch every penny!
-
We’re just waiting for the bubble to burst again coz it will and we’ll be closer to saying enough is enough!!!
-
-
It breaks your heart doesn’t it. I pray that they can both be strong now. Good luck xxx
-
-
Hi Kate
Sorry to hear your situation.
I had a read through the post.
Nothing is really changing here, or at least for any significant period amount of time anyways. Bailing him out is enabling him to do what he likes with little or no consequence. If he were making a Concerted effort to sort himself out then fair enough, but it doesn’t seem that is even happening.
Someone asked me a long time ago ‘who are you to stand in the way of someone’s rock bottom’
It took me a long time to understand what they meant, but I guess they meant that rock bottom saves some people’s lives as its only then that they realise what is going on and the situation they are in.
Also even more importantly what support and help have you got? You can’t do this on your own
-
-
-
Hey kate
I largely come from the other side of the fence as I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. I am in a similar boat to you in terms of having a family member in that situation who simply will not gave up to their issues and bled everyone dry. The result was it made me incredibly ill and they carried on regardless.
What I learned is that just as the addict powerless over their using or drinking, I’m powerless over their behaviour too. I had to gradually step away and start to accept that unless they want to change there is absolutely nothing I can do. That doesn’t mean I don’t care – it just means that I cant rescue them – it’s fantasy.
From the addicts ppint if view, when I’m using I don’t care about anyone or anything – it all goes out the window
-
-
Sorry to read that, its awful.
Sadly whilst in active addiction, it’s like having your mind and brain taken over completely. You don’t think about consequences or anyone else’s feelings, just where you will be getting the next fix or how to lie and manipulate people around you – it’s a truly disgusting illness on so many levels.
With family its so much harder as you want them back, and you want them to be well – lots of people I know pursue this into oblivion as they never truly understand what is happening.
Has he ever made any sounds about getting help at all?
-
-
CA and NA meetings are online. If you want to do them they afe literally all day every day 24 hours a day.
You have to ask yourself what would he do if you had not bank rolled his using and bailed him out?
-
-
Is it really going on food or on drugs…
Either way I think the tough love approach has to at least be tried
-
-
-
Hey kate. Well done sticking to your guns. Remember the alternative is funding this habit which could end up killing him anyway. There is no easy option here so stay strong
-
-
Hi Kate- you and I have chatted before on Cornwallmother’s posts. I wanted to reach out, I’m having a rough few days. As I’ve posted to you before, my son had asked me to not contact him because he needed to “sort himself out” and so I didn’t contact him. Of course it was tough. I didn’t talk to him for 28 days ( of course I was counting ). A week ago he texted me out of the blue to tell me that he was in the hospital. He said he was going through bad withdrawal, but that he was going to be fine- he game me no explanations. He said they were keeping him for a few days because they were checking things. He said it’s a long story. I asked him if was going to tell me this story and he said he would when he got home. He went home on Friday and then said he was too tired to talk, but that ultimately he would be fine. That’s it! I asked him when he was going to tell me what’s going on and he said after he has gotten some rest. I didn’t respond to that. I’m so angry, sad, and frustrated. You don’t stay in the hospital for 5 days over nothing. He’s had pancreatitis from drinking before. I don’t know if it’s that, or if he fell or got sick- who knows? I’ve been sad thinking that he had a moment of loneliness and thought of me. It hurts- I have a son who is in the hospital and I can’t even go see him and comfort him because of the reason he’s there. It’s terrible. And I’m so mad that out of nowhere, he contacts me to tell me he’s in the hospital and not to worry and then won’t even tell me why. I’m defeated because he’s not even mentioning the drinking or that he wants to change or anything like that. My husband, his step-dad, says, ” He’s just doing what he always does and manipulates.” Probably true, but it’s been a rough week.
-
Update: he just texted me and said that they kept him in the hospital because his pulse kept racing. I guess he thinks I’m a fool, because I’m pretty sure you don’t stay in the hospital for 5 days with a racing pulse. I asked him what prompted him to go to the hospital in the first place, and now he’s gone silent. I’m sure he’s lying because he’s embarrassed or ashamed or is just lying to cover up what’s going on- none of which is good… makes me cry.
-
-
Thanks Kate1. It’s tough because whatever put him in the hospital can’t be good, and that means that he’s most likely doing worse. So, I just had to let it off my chest and then buck up and keep going and living my own life. How is your son doing?
-
-
It seems that so many of us are in the same boat. So difficult. We have a28 year old son struggling with cocaine and alcohol addiction and all the debts that come with it. I wish we knew what to do. Counselling options and/or rehab are so inaccessible and too few and too expensive. But I too totally understand that even if these services were accessible, there is still the problem of getting the person who needs it to agree that they need it and to do something about it themselves! You can take a horse to water…etc!
I wish I could get my son to just walk……plan a route and walk it…away from all the triggers. A long distance walk over a long period. I think it’s a great healer. He wouldn’t have to go it alone. But!!! He has to want it. Maybe he hasn’t hit rock bottom yet because we keep bailing him out. We are tightening his conditions of staying here with us and have said that if he can’t abide by them he’ll have to leave. We’ll just have to see. Maybe it’s me who needs that healing walk. Anyone else feel the same?
-
-
Sorry Kate1… I got distracted from your original question…what should you do about it.
I find great support from a guy called Eckhart Tolle, a spiritualist/mystic living in Canada. He is particularly famous for a book called ‘The Power of Now’. This is one of his quotes that I refer back to often in moments of crisis:
“If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally.”
I hope it helps you too.
-
They need to accept they need help, otherwise there is no help out there, apart from counciling for us. They either live or die in my opinion as there is no help for them. Unless they admit they need help ????
-
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.