[holly01]

Hi I need help and advice my 24 year has been on weed since he was a teenager. I only found out when he was at university. It has really affected my life and I can’t cope. Cannabis has totally destroyed our lives. He was in past using it excessively in a bong or smoking it. I can not kick him out of the house this is something I didn’t want to a decision which I was not not sure about would change him.

I tried every possible way to get help but he did not want it. He has always told me uses it for anxiety and depression or body pains. He has not confidence and has low self esteem. He has become a loner and it breaks my heart to see my only son suffering.

I have seen my son’s personality change where he has had suicidal thoughts becoming paranoid constant low mood, cutting ties from the outside world and even moving out to the outer building living in the garage so he can be alone. Constant denial about the affects of cannabis but keeps blaming me and other family members for his own actions.

I took him on holiday not having Cannabis for three weeks brought the worse out in him, he was bashing the walls in the hotel and blaming me for it. His devotion to Cannabis has been very strong and this has taken us both on a good ride to hell.

I have contacted the GP several times tried psychiatrists taken him to addiction centres with no luck. I couldn’t get help because he did not want the help and no one could help him because he did not want it.

His anger has been getting out of control recently. I have had the police around many many times for his protection or they have looking for him on the streets for his safety.

Currently he is in rehab for a month. He has not had any weed When speaking to him on the phone he still keeps taking about the negative past and how I have ruined his life. He only has another four days left in a rehab. I am hoping he will not go back to Cannabis and he will follow up with the support being given.

I do not know what to do. I feel a bit helpless with him. I was looking for some positive changes in him but my worst fear is he may return to old self.

[icarus-trust]

Hello Holly,

I am so very sorry to read your story and to hear how badly affected both your son and you are affected by his cannabis use.

i really hope that the rehab and follow up that your son is going through soes help him.

It sounds like you might be in need of support for yourself and you may like to contact us at Icarus Trust. we are a charity that supports people going through what you have and have a rang of services we could offer including listening ears from our very experienced people.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best to you and your son.

[icarus-trust]

Sorry for the typos!

[holly01]

Hi Icarustrust

Thank you for your reply. I will make contact with this organisation very soon.

Currently we have extended his stay in the rehab.

Thank you for taking the time out and reading my story.

[icarus-trust]

That’s so good to hear the rehab is extended. I should think you feel better for that.

I really hope that we can help you.

Good luck.

[holly01]

I certainty feel so much better since my son has gone into rehab. It has been so peaceful in my house.

Sometimes you get to the point where you have no option but to be firm and stand your grounds, my fear of losing him if I threw him out has gone.

He is still in denial and wanted to quit rehab, but really that is the best place he can be right now.

I made it quite clear to him he can quit the rehab if he wants but he will not be coming back home. It is the rehab or he is out on the streets. So he took the option of staying there longer. I have made it clear to him if he is coming home there is a zero tolerance policy in my house from now on.

He has to change if he wants to come back home.

[desperate92]

Hi ,

I’m so sorry to hear what you have been going through and I can completely relate as my fiancé was a heavy weed user and you are completely right when you say it changes their personality. I have also found that doctors or any help sites don’t want to help as there is a stigma that weed isn’t a drug that needs help and they’re looking for a higher class drug instead. We really struggled to find anyone and talk to frank refused to speak to us too as we’re based in wales.

How is he doing now and did rehab work?

My partner just went through 7 months clean and I thought we cracked it until the last couple of weeks where I found that he was back to it again. He’s blaming the fact that we’ve pushed our wedding to next year (because of COVID) and we’ve cancelled our holiday. Yes I’m gutted about those things too but I don’t go off the rails…. he just doesn’t understand. The reason for him quitting in the first place was because he told me that he is in £50k worth of debt because of his addiction. I’m now working full time for one job, working at a testing centre and doing a masters degree… it’s exhausting

[holly01]

Hi Desperate92

Thank you for taking the time out to read my post.

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It must be tough for you specially doing a Masters degree and working a full time job.

Working/Studying may be exhausting but you should feel proud of yourself for not giving up and god bless one day it will all pay off.

I can totally understand going in circles and trying to get help and not getting it. What I understood is no one can help unless the person themselves want to come off drugs.

Things went to far with my son I was so stressed day and day out, living with him was not easy. I was scared of my own son imagine that. I did not know what was going on with him in his mind. He just wanted to kick off using any excuse telling me I destroyed his life, I am to blame.

That bong of his, vape pens the grinder and weed all went in the bin before he came home from the rehab. I told him its gone and I don’t ever want that stuff in my house again or your out.

The stories I read from other peoples experience with their loved one’s being on weed were similar to everything they wrote about behaviours. Anger, mood swings, blame game, victim you name it.

It has been two weeks since he has been back from the rehab. I would not say his behaviour is totally normal he has been off the weed for almost 3 months.

I am not sure about his mental states as yet. He is not kicking off and I am hoping he doesn’t. I Still find he is slightly a bit paranoid about things and makes petty remarks. I think it could be down to having smoked excessively.

I am hoping as time goes by his personality will change more to the normal side, I think it could take several months but I am not sure, only time will tell now from experience. Or perhaps someone can shed some light on this who has been through similar situation who’s loved one has come of weed and knows better.

All the best with your fiancé I hope he comes off weed.

[desperate92]

Thank you so much for your reply as it’s comforting to relate to someone but I also wish that you weren’t at the same time. It’s a really odd feeling.

My fiancé was clean for 7 months and I felt that after about 3-4 months, I started to get him back. He did find that he needed another thing to keep him busy instead of picking up the vape. This turned out to be his Xbox and I didn’t mind. He was then talking to friends and family his mind was clear. Maybe your son needs the same output?

Also, do you congratulate him for getting so far? I made a note on the calendar and every month was treated as a milestone (obviously until the relapse this week). It was something to look forward to and focus on.

I hope he starts to see how lucky he is for having such caring parents as many would have turned their back. Each day you will feel stronger too and feel less anxious as well

[holly01]

Thank you for your advice. You have sure given me hope and guidance.

I really hope things work out for you and you manage to persuade him one way or another. I am single parent and I was really stuck from the past three years.

What really worked for us putting his biggest fear in front of him.

He is scared of being homeless due to his OCD he constantly washes his hands raw to bleeding point, showers multiple times a day. He can’t imagine life without soap and water married together.

It is cruel to emotionally use someone’s fear against them, all was done in good faith. I have used I am going to kick you out multiple times now and its worked every time.

Rehab or get out

Moving him back into the house from garage where he was isolated.

Making him stay in the rehab until he completed his steps.

If he smokes Weed again he is out.

Kicks off again he is out.

Far too many times now so yes now I have to stop and give him time and space. He is doing okay.

I am his mum I love him and always will. One day he may realise.

All the best to you and please update how you get on. It is always good to share.

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