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My Beautiful Boy – we watched the film, my son cried and said that he wanted to stop smoking weed. By this time he’d been smoking for 3 years.
We are now in our 5th year and he has no signs of slowing down.
We have had family chats more times than I care to mention whereby he cries and tells us he wants to stop, he’s sorry – all the right words that we want to hear. We forgive him and say lets move forwards. We don’t we just go back to the same routine. After one of our chats – he brought £110 worth the following day, apparently it was too good an offer to miss.
I’ve found out he’s been out smoking and driving home so I’ve messaged him saying don’t come back and I’ve locked him out. He’s sofa surfed and then come back promising to change – lasts a day at the most now.
He is in his final year of university and his dissertation is slowly coming together – as with everything n his life he will pass by the skin of his teeth.
He started at the end of his GCSE’s. I found rolled up pieces of card and cigarette papers in his pocket – I guessed he had maybe had a joint and hoped that would be it. I left them on his desk with a note saying: should I be worried??!!! No reply and they vanished never to be discussed or spoken about.
I didn’t tell my husband as he works long hours and didn’t think he needed any added stresses.
I discovered he was smoking weed on a regular basis and he said he only did it occasionally. I then had to tell my husband as I felt it was going to get out of hand and we needed to nip it in the bud.
Since then it’s gone onto him smoking daily. I feel he was self medicating with weed at first; I think it relaxed him and made him confident when dealing with social situations.
However, it’s now a reliance and he is addicted. He’s irritable when he can’t have a smoke, this has alienated him from the family.
I have blamed all his friends he’s been in contact with but when I read his messages he instigates the buying,meeting up etc. So I’ve stopped blaming them and I’ve come to realise he is an addict and can’t do without it.
He drives after smoking it; parking up then driving home. He cannot see the harm or danger in this. we have said if he gets caught this could affect his whole future if he had a criminal record.
Also, it’s the lies he tells in order to smoke. Where he’s going – we have found out he’s driven miles to meet up with people. At one stage we thought he was dealing; possibly county lines.
He lied and told us he was staying at his girlfriends and told her he was at home – turned out one of his associates has a flat; a group of them were holed up smoking weed and taking acid.
He’s in debt – we’ve bailed him out but now I refuse as my stance is if he can afford weed he should be responsible for his money management.
His addiction has caused arguments between me and my husband as I have a zero tolerance and think he could do without it, my husband says leave him he’ll grow out of it – I can’t see it.
I’ve since found out he’s been taking acid again – my husband confronted him, as I lose my patience – he denied it.
His routine now is go to bed early hours, get up, food, bath, go out or work ( he has a part time job in a local supermarket, god knows how he keeps it going), or he drives to his friends – I don’t see them as friends I see them as fellow addicts, or his friend picks him up if we’ve taken his keys from him, comes back early hours as he knows we’re in bed and won’t confront him – Repeat.
He looks awful, he is so thin but hides it with baggy clothes but when he comes downstairs without a top, his waist is so thin.
He is someone I don’t recognise, I don’t see him as my bright, good looking, athletic son – I see him as an addict plain and simple.
I don’t know what the answer is – if I throw him out he will either sink lower or realise that it’s no life and want to change.
I’m heartbroken and lost.
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Hi MrsB
Welcome to the forum, everyone here has a loved one with an addiction. No need to feel that you’re on your own.
I also watched that film, so sad and touching, I felt the Dad’s pain and frustration.
What a cycle they go through, i know my son’s better than he does. He is 28yrs and has alcohol and cocaine addictions. I understand the rollercoaster of emotions, the anger, the aggression, the debt, clearing the debt, calls at stupid o’clock , always needing or demanding something , the selfishness.
The forum have support on the home page and the Icarus trust posts here too. I usually post on the Theresa thread, just click on to ‘share your story ‘ or join the recent post. We’re all mums of sons with addictions, supporting and sharing advice with each other. Its a relief to vent with someone who knows, as most times we can’t talk to our families or friends about it.
Yes, it hurts like a knife to see them so downtrodden and low, but at the end of the day, they themselves have to make the choice to change their lifestyle.
My so was clean for almost 6months until recently, he did it through AA and CA groups. It was wonderful to have my son back fir that time. Unfortunately he relapsed again, back on the vicious cycle of addiction.
We know we can do no more, we have to take care of ourselves and other family. Otherwise our own mental health and physical health will suffer.
Try and enjoy the sunny days, practice some mindfulness or 5 min meditation.
I hope you find your peace soon, have hope and faith for his future.
Thinking and praying for you
Lx
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Hi,
I’m so sorry to read what you are going through because of your son’s addiction. It must be heartbreaking for you. i’m glad that you have found this forum which is really supportive.
I work for Icarus Trust a charity that offers support to people like you who are having to deal with an addict in their family. we know how hard this can be. May be talking to one of our trained and experienced Family Friends wopuld help you to find some answers and a way ahead.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best to you.
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