[boss]

My son who is now 29 has been smoking weed now for 10 years. He also started drinking every night . He suffers with depression and is on medication. I have tried so hard to try and support him even to the point I nearly had a breakdown.

He seemed to be going in the right direction then suddenly we all went back to him being depressed no wanting to work.

He is living with me but it’s pure hell he threatens to smash my head with a bat calls me all the names under the sun it’s scarey he is like a man processed.

He works for 3 months then starts taking one day off a week then it increased to 2 days and keeps increasing until he loses his job. Guess what never his fault.

He takes no responsibility.

I have banned him from smoking in my house but he ignored it.

I’m now at my wits end dread every weekend as he becomes threatening. One day he may do something that he will regret that worries me.

Sorry if I’m rambling just don’t know what to do but can’t go on like this!

[paula5]

Hi B don’t apologise, you are definitely not rambling, I have had the same issues with my son and I know how awful it is. I sometimes wonder if we should just say enough is enough and cut them off completely? I know some parents can do this but sometimes I think it’s the only way to have any sort of life back although I don’t know if I could do this. I feel so sorry for the heartache you are suffering and understand how scary it can be, I’ve often taken a knife to bed with me just in case. That looks awful now ive written it down. I do hope life gets better for you B x

[boss]

Thank you for your kind words I realise now my son is an addict.

I have tried helping but he does not want help.

I have now told him he has to get a room somewhere by January whilst he lives with me he thinks he does not have to work.

He makes these choices drugs drink not working not me and now I’m strong enough to say enough is enough.

Very hard but I know it’s the right thing.

[sadwife]

I’m so sorry to hear that. Stay strong

[boss]

Thank you so hard at times wonder what I did wrong to deserve this.

[boss]

I’m at my wits end not sure if I can take any more my son now got pulled for weed. It’s constant I’m so unhappy feel like I want to run away he’s rude abusive don’t care abt any one. I have given him time to save to get a room until Jan he does not go to work drinks and smokes weed then blames me. He then tells me he will kill himself. I have gone past trying and I want to scream and someone to say it’s ok but it’s not it’s destroying me so much so my partner is moving out he can’t take it anymore.

I’m starting to not like my son and want to sell my house so I can get away from him.

I feel so alone no one to help or talk to . I keep breaking down don’t know how much more I can take.

[lindyloo]

Hi Boss

I’ve been reading your thread, I’m so sorry to read your situation because of his addiction.

So many of us mums writing on the forum worried about the heartache and emotional difficulties caused by their sons (mostly sons). Click on share your story and read Theresa thread . We’re all pretty much in the same boat. The good thing is that we all understand each other and give support and advice where needed.

You will realise that you are not alone and that people care.

Your son is lashing out because of the effects of drugs and drink . Everyone else is to blame, they reckon, it is totally not our fault!

Only they can stop this, to admit they have a problem and seek help and support.

I agree, cutting off will be difficult. Might be the means to an end, but what choice do you have at this stage?

It’s not that you don’t like him, it’s the choices he’s making you don’t like, as we love our children unconditionally. Don’t be too hard on yourself, it will get better, find time for yourself when you can.

Read the other threads, there are people in recovery offering support and advice too, some good success stories.

Don’t give up hope, be strong.

Lx

[failedmam]

Hi boss, I read you post with real empathy as I feel similar to you. My son is just 17, started smoking weed about a year ago. I give him no money apart from money for food at college..he spends that on weed. He is at college but now has 43% attendance and is close to being kicked off the course after 18 months.

He lies, tells me he smokes to cope with anxiety and depression, I got him counselling, he refused to go, got him antidepressants but he says they do nothing. He has threatened suicide several times, bullies me loads, to the point on 3 occasions I have caved in and took him for weed i get so frightened when he is in a state, crying, punching walls etc. He tells me he feels we dont make him part if the family so its all my fault. I left his manipulative dad when he was 2yrs old, I have a partner who is ready to leave if this continues. I am heartbroken, my son is so clever and was such a confident lad till this started. I am at the point of getting really hard on him but it will kill me to do it ..I always want him to feel better but this cant go on

How are things now for you all?

[boss]

Hi Failedmam

My heart goes out to you.

Stay strong I know it’s hard. Our natural instinct tells us to protect and support as I’m sure you have done. I did the same.

My son is 29 I have now had enough so I threw him out and he did wonder the streets for a while. He is with me only because he has a jaw infection but I have got him a room and he will now be going to stay there from next week.

No one can tell you what to do but carry on using Adfam and trust what they say they have been fantastic.

My son is in disbelief abt what I’m doing. I’m doing it because.i love him and I need to stop enabling him. Stay at mums don’t have to work smoke weed and drink. My biggest mistake is that I did not do it earlier. It’s hard as you worry but I had to think abt my life . If he has money for weed and drink then he can use it now for lodgings.

Btw you are not a failed mam it’s there choice not yours!

I also recently joined a group who help families and they have been fantastic they to understand what we go through.

One thing be prepared to be upset I cried everyday but I feel stronger and fingers crossed changing things time will tell for the better. I don’t expect the next few months to be easy but I just think I have no choice but to do this. I could not see him on the street so given him an olive branch now his choice to change.

Keep getting support and stay strong.

[johnboy44]

Best thing I ever did was give that Shyte up , yes I sniff lots of coke now which I’m trying to quit but the best thing I ever did was give up weed your sons entire problem is the weed ,

[boss]

Hi Johnboy

Thank you for your comments I know that he won’t except that. Hence y I’m asking him to leave.

He has some time to sort himself out but I doubt it now.

I hope you manage to stop taking coke because all life’s are precious.

[johnboy44]

I’m trying to get help

[boss]

I will keep my fingers crossed for you. There is help out there lots of help so don’t do it alone????

[Author]

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