[shazb1971]

well this will be a long one as i know i write essays so will apologise firstly. Well where did it start well i left an abusive relationship i had lived with for 17yrs now my son had heard a lot of it him being the eldest although he never touched my son his bark did a lot when we broke up i was very depressed and drunk a lot by this point my son was 17 and my daughters were 13, 7 and 1. Well when my ex left my son took over from the behaviour he was the man of the house so he became abusive i knew he was on weed but most kids are these days and thought it was ok as me being naive didn’t realise what it did to people thought it was like drink when i was younger social . In hindsight i wish i would have done something but to be honest i was that weak he was running circles round me he was partying from my house whilst i was out which wasn’t often but how i didn’t lose the house of the girls i wil never know but you see i never punished him i blamed myself for his behaviour for staying with my ex which now in hindsight i realise hasn’t helped him i had two years of pure hell police coming at 3am to search house he burgled, drug dealt had drug dealers to the door which i obviously paid his debts he abused me money wise took mick didn’t help in house that was beneath him i was his mum and should support his habbit and his behaviour that is what he genuinely thought said it a lot. Anyway i met my new boyfriend and my life completely changed he helped me come off the alcohol he helped me get stronger as the girls at this point were also running circles round me and telling me what to do as i was that weak, i got a job, well i ended up kicking my son out at the age of 19 on my first week at the job i asked him to help me by picking the girls up from school he did it twice then the third day he thought sack that i am an adult and i deserve to be out and about not doing chores he did nothing at all other that this so not really hard work walking quarter of a mile to pick your sisters up but by chance i finished early this day thankfully as i thought i will meet my son and walk down with him but he didn’t show he turned up at 730pm that night pissed after sharing abottle of vodka with his mate he then proceeded to make himself some tea i told him he was out i have had enough of his behviour after a catalogue of allsorts this was last straw, well that wasn’t the end of it as like mums do i felt guilty as he had nothing so gave him loads bought him loads helped him move into a bedsit he lasted about 2mths in his first bedsit before he got trouble and left all the stuff i gave him etc he then moved into another i did same there and again he left there with trouble then he got into trouble and did some time in jail when he came out his mate asked him to live with him in a really nice flat and it was gorgeous it was all ok then his mate ended up going into jail for a spell and this is where it went wrong he partied and ended up wrecking the whole flat it needed replastering etc who was there to pick up the bill and mess again me, he then ended up back with me for a spell not for long though as again he tried his luck but i was stronger this time he didn’t like that he tried it on with me and my chap my chap up to this point had bent over backwards to help him although he didn’t like how he spoke to me or how he treat me but one night my chap flipped with him he never spoke or treat me like that again in front of my chap , anyway he ended up in the flat he is in now well by this point his drug habit was a lot worse but he still wasn’t too bad by this point he was hearing voices but he still seemed bearable then he got with a new girlfriend and since then i don’t know he as got more abusive towards me but he is also under mental health now too so wether he is trying to stop and his moods are bad but due to how he as spoken to me with abuse i have blocked him my eldest daughter is also on weed and she seems to be going down that road but she doesn’t live with me she moved out but since both my eldest have moved out i know it is sad but my house is a happier place and funnily enough so are my youngest they are now 13 and 8 i have completely stopped drinking i don’t want them to think that is normal either as we have quite a few alcoholics in my family as well as their dads and their dad is a regular drinker and is probably an alcoholic but i have told them and seen for themselves what drink and drugs do to people i have got pea sticks ready they are getting punished to get on top of the behaviours i don’t want, i am still talking to my daughter although i aren’t happy with her as she was abusing her sisters when she was here she moved out a year ago she was lieing to me doing al the usual crappy drug stuff but since she moved out and as less to do with girls they have really come on it is scarey when you watch life through sober eyes how many people are really affected but can’t see it, i didn’t realise how bad i was i associated everything with drink it is sad since then i have got my ex off the mortgage doing the house up mentally and health wise i am fitter and stronger than i was 10yr ago or even more i am loving life i have had to block my son out of it for now let him know i am not putting up with his abuse and for my mental health and well being it is sad but hopefully he will calm down and maybe try and get in touch with not so abusive messages i will then maybe talk to him until then i don’t know but i feel helpless as both my son and daughter think weed is ok it is a natural plant and it doesn’t harm . Thanks for reading sharon

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