[blouise]

Hi I am new here

I am looking for some advice Please!! as I feel like I’m at the end of my line

Feel like I’m going crazy and full of anxiety & worry (not an anxious person)

My son who is 18 at the end of the year

Has been smoking weed/skunk for probably the best part of a year

He dropped out of sixth form after the first year, much to my disappointment as he is bright and did well at gcse

He is working a part time job and holding that down but he he no drive atm the better himself (apprenticeship or further education)

But after numerous heated conversations and hours of myself and my husband trying to encourage and support him

He continues to bring weed into our home! (Not smoking it in our house, but def in the garden)

I have a 2 year old daughter and 13 yr old son And I have made it super clear it is Unacceptable and we do not support it

If I’m honest I have said some mean Things to him mid-argument

Like how disappointed and disgusted I am with his lack of respect for us etc

He is rude and disrespectful to us

I cannot communicate with him at all atm

He won’t sit and talk sensibly with us

He won’t share any issues/worries he has with us

Tbh he isn’t a very nice person to be around right now

But obv I love him dearly and just want the best for him

I also worry about where this drug use will lead and how deep in a hole he is?

I feel like I am at the end of my tolerance with him

Tonight I have had enough

Woke up at 1am to the smell of weed in my home

Now my 2 year old gets up still in the night and I am so mad that she has to even be around this (even if not directly)

I have told him (out of anger) that he can move out and we will not enable this behaviour anymore

But truly I don’t want him to leave

This is affecting my marriage

The stress and strain on us is taking its toll

I just feel helpless atm and don’t know what else to do

And would really appreciate some advice from parents that are going through or have been through this

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read

[jaynhissay]

Hi Blouise,

im sorry to hear about the struggles with your son at the moment. There is a lot of mums on this forum that are in similar situations and are very supportive. I am an addict and currently still smoke cannabis as it helps with keeping me away from everything else.

Is your son smoking weed everyday? If he is, can he afford to buy it daily on the wage of a part time job? I dont mean in anyway to scare you but teenagers that smoke weed are exactly the type of person drug dealers are looking to recruit to do their dirty work. Like i say my intention isnt to scare you but just to make you aware (if you werent already).

im sure some of the mums on here will reply to your post with some mother to mother advice if theres anything i can try and give you an insight into from a users perspective that you could use when you are able to speak with him then im more than happy to answer any questions.

I wish you all the best.

[blouise]

Jaynhissy

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post

Yes he earns enough money to fund his habit

He works 20 hours a week and earns pretty good money

Up until this point he has given us money to save for him

But now that has stopped which concerns me

As where is all his money going???

He does buy clothes/trainers that are very expensive

But that has dried up too

So now I worry that

1- he is either spending much more money on weed

2- he owes money to people

3- he is involved in something bigger ????

Yes he smokes everyday I believe

I can empathise

My older brother is a weed smoker

He is 40 now and still smoking everyday (Yet manages to hold a good And care for his children) yet he def has some mental health issues as a result

However it is not a life I want for my son

And certainly not in my house where I have a 2 & 13 year old!!

I will not enable that behaviour

It is a clear disrespect or our rules and for us

What I’m worried about is if I ask him to leave….. that he actually will!

I have previously asked him repeatedly to stop smoking weed

Not to bring into our home etc

I feel helpless and lost as to what is the best to do for him

[lindyloo]

Hi Blouise and welcome to the forum. I’ve read your story and wanted you to know that you are not alone in this.

If you click on to ‘share your story’/Theresa thread, there are several of us mums with sons and similar situations.

Everyone is friendly and supportive with each other.

There is also the forum homepage and the Icarus trust who post regularly.

My son is 27 now but I know he has dabbled since he was around 14 or 15. It’s a slippery slope, you watch your lovely happy boy turn into an aggressive, selfish, disrespectful person who only sees you as a cash cow.

In my opinion it’s early days for him, time to change his life around before he gets into serious drugs and gets too dependent on them

Might be good to confront him when he’s fluid or in a fair mood.

Perhaps put your concerns in a text , he might read it when his head is clear.

Finally find time for you and the rest of your family, it’s not worth worrying yourself sick about. Concentrate on your and the family’s well being- its important that you stay strong and positive.

I wish you and your family well.

Take care

Lx

[blouise]

Thank you for your time and comments

I do take some comfort that I’m not completely alone

I feel sad, guilty, angry, frustrated and disappointed all at the same time

My husband is adamant that we can’t tell him to leave out house

(Which I obv don’t want to do)

But I kinda feel like I don’t have a choice as he has no respect for our house or his siblings atm

I am thinking of taking him to stay at his grandparents for a few days and hope that helps

That’s if he will even go

Any tips on how I can communicate better with him would be so helpful

[lindyloo]

Blouise

I wish I had the answers for you.

Maybe living with the grandparents might be an alternative. But they’re not there to fund his addiction and he needs to realise this. I’m not sure they would be strong enough to say no to him, definitely not giving him cash.

I would seek some advice on this, I would worry about putting my son out at that age. He gave us a hard time at that age, but fortunately he still managed to hold down his job.

It was very stressful, he spent his wages as soon as he got it then continued borrowing until next payday.

Try speaking to him, and give him conditions and boundaries maybe? If you’re struggling with his demands, I think it would be difficult for the grandparents to deal with.

Be strong and be firm with him.

Otherwise he walk all over you.

Take care

Lx

[blouise]

Thanks for your reply

I appreciate it

He actually doesn’t ask us for money

He hasn’t asked for a penny since he has been working

And he does give us money to put away for him (so far)

He has never asked his grandparents either

And he is respectful towards them so I don’t think him going there for a few days will be difficult for them

It’s more for myself and him to have some space as we are not communicating well at all

His grandparents live in another town so it think being away from his friends and contacts may help???

I am hoping we can have a discussion later

But feel I’m at the end of my tolerance level and I won’t allow him to fracture all parts of our household

Especially with you her siblings here

Can I ask how old your son is now?

And how is your relationship?

[lindyloo]

Good that he’s respecting his grandparents. That could work – especially cutting ties with people who could be a bad influence on him. My son had to cut ties with all his friends as they drink. Drink is a trigger for him as he moves onto cocaine.

He’s 27, we’ve been through some emotional and upsetting times. Running up drug debt and expecting us to pay dealers who chase him up for money.

Fortunately last year he joined AA and CA meetings, attending sometimes daily. Did the 12 steps programme, got a sponsor, was clean for 3 months…but unfortunately has relapsed a few times. He knows he needs to stop, its very hard for him and recovering addicts.

At least he’s seeking help, it starts and ends with them.

We’re fine just now as he’s been clean almost 3 weeks, daily contact etc. Things could change so quickly so I don’t get too complacent. Read the other stories here too, I chat to other mums on the Theresa thread. Lots of support and advice.

I wish you well, stay strong

Lx

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