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I am feeling quite desperate, I have come from a good working background and worked in mental health, so when I knew my son taking cannabis at 16 I knew all the right approaches. I asked him if anything had happened, was he unhappy, experimenting, I would get him help etc, then I thought it was a phase so backed off a little. That phase has not ended and I have been everything from supportive and loving to distant and tough and nothing has worked. He has robbed off me, punches walls when things don’t go his way. He looks basically like a tramp and as I pride myself on my appearance I always felt as if people though I was neglecting him but that isn’t true. He doesn’t bathe and has no get up and go. I threw him out after I got raided by the police thinking it would shock him but no, he continued manipulating me, saying he wasn’t smoking as much which was true as he he couldn’t afford to now that he had food etc to think about buying but he goes without to by weed instead. I have said come back when you get help and he tells me he will and nothing ever comes of it. I have noticed patterns, he buys weed and smokes it all quite quickly then the next day psychosis kicks in as he tries to manipulate to get more by saying his life is a mess and he has nothing to live for but the minute he gets weed all those thoughts disappear. I have explained that because he smoked from a young age when he was still developing it has affected is neurological development but he does not listen. I have told him I want nothing more to do with him and now he said he is going to do something stupid but it is for attention. I don’t want to be this cold but I told him today I don’t know who he is anymore and it is hard to love a stranger, he got upset and phoned my mum crying but I told her it is because he wants weed, not because of what I said, then he phoned back and asked her for £10 but she has not given it to him. I got him several college places and he never went, he does not work, I payed gym membership to keep him active and find a healthy way to release his anger, I signed for a year and he went twice and I got left paying it. I have tried so much, he owes drug dealers, he lies, manipulates, steals and I cannot believe he chooses this rubbish over family. He is still not ready for help but I feel as if I am losing it as nothing works with him at all. I know this has been long but it’s been a long time to watch a young lad waste his life away and become so cold that you feel as if you have no love for him anymore. The worst thing is, that I actually told him that today as it is true but it is not that I don’t love him, I just do not know him and he is not who I raised, he looks at me and I feel as if he has no emotions for me, except fleecing me for all I have. If he doesn’t want help the next step is getting help for me to cope as I am tired of blaming myself but he is 20 years old and I know I am not responsible for the choices he makes but it is hard.
Emma -
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Oh Emma my heart goes out to you, it’s like you are writing about my life, my son started with cannabis, but then went on to heroin, he has done all the things you describe and much more, try not to feel guilty about your feelings for him, easier said than done I know, I too have told my son that I love the son he was but hate the addict he is at the moment, I’m so tired of it all and can’t see a happy ending any more, I go from being so angry to being so sad that he has chosen to throw his life away like this, one piece of advice I would like to share is look after yourself, go to your GP, seek help for YOU, it will not solve your sons problems but you need help to get through this, my counsellor told me it’s like a bereavement as you are mourning the son you have lost to drugs, wise words if you think about it, this site has been a comfort to me as a place to write about things I’m so ashamed off and not be judged , take one day at a time
Keep strong, take care
Sue xxx -
Hi Emma, hope you’re bearing up love, it’s so hard whatever the drug is, its robbed you of your child, like Sue above, my son started on weed at 15yrs, thou I didnt like it, I also thought it’s just a phase and he will grow out of it.. He is now a heroin and crack cocaine addict. I use to hear people say cannabis can lead to harder drug’s I did’nt agree, I was wrong where my son is.. try not blame yourself, we all do, but deep down we know it’s out of our control and that alone is scary.. take care Fiona xx
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