[lindyloo]

Hi holkat, welcome to the forum, no need for you to feel alone. Everyone on this forum has a loved one who has addictions.

It’s such a dilemma to be in…you feel you need to leave for the sake of your own mental health, but would feel you would be abandoning him in his hour of need.

I’m in a different situation in that, it’s my 28yr old son who has alcohol and cocaine addictions. It’s a very stressful situation to be in. The ever changing moods, never having any money, us picking up the pieces and the debt constantly.

It sounds like he was definitely unhappy at his work, that doesn’t help, also losing a parent at such a young age. Poor man, he’s probably suffering from depression and low self esteem. He needs to admit he has a problem unfortunately , only then will he seek help. The AA fellowship are great, so supportive. My son is currently working through the 12 steps with them and is 80odd days clean.

He says it’s the only thing that works for him.

When your bf is ready, you can be there to support him , they need to know that they’re still loved despite their illness.

The adfam homepage offers support as does the Icarus trust, maybe a doctor could help if he has mental health issues.

Sending best wishes to you

Lx

[holkat]

Thanks so much for your response, it really means a lot. It’s such a tough one because I feel like I can really understand where it stems from, he absolutely has low self esteem and has not been treated well his whole life by his dad, his siblings and in other relationships. I always hoped I could be a more positive influence for him because I am a supportive person, I am cheerful and hopeful and ambitious but I just can’t compete with all the terrible things we’ve all been through in this past year.

How amazing that you son has been clean for 80 days! What an unbelievable achievement you must be so proud! I know there is so much support out there for him and he could get so far if he could just admit its a problem and take that step, I can only imagine how scary that would be for him, it just breaks my heart every day that he isn’t there and can’t seem to take that step.

Its the pure guilt I feel as you say, how can I leave him when he is like this, but also how much can I give before I have to put myself and my own future first. It’s just this cycle of sympathy and guilt and anger.

I do my best to try and show I love him and will support him, it’s just hard sometimes when it feels like every day he lies and dismisses everything. I suppose we’ll see what happens but I will keep trying.

Thank you again, it means a lot to know there is support out there and others who have similar experiences.

[lindyloo]

I can tell you are a thoughtful and caring girlfriend, the booze and drugs camouflage their true personality and emotions.

I’m sure he cares for you but can’t think clearly because of the alcohol messing with his head.

Read the other threads too there is great support from people in recovery .

Take care and stay strong ,

Lx

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