[eavy]

PLEASE NOTE I HAVE EDITED THE FOLLOWING,AS THERE WAS ERRORS IN SPELLING,i wrote the following in 2016.There iv said it”my son is a crack head”the hardest words iv ever been able to say”I can remember the first time my son”over 20 years ago”he is now 40 years old,

He came home,after 2 days”became a regular thing for weeks”,it was in the middle of the night.He came into my bedroom,and he was crying like a baby.Mum,he said,please help me.I held my son in my arms,and said,ok my darling,tell me what you have been taking.I new, at this point,i had to be strong.At the back of my mind,im praying,please dont say the word heroin.That was my worse nightmare.Mum he said,iv been smoking crack and i cant stop.Ok my darling,now stop crying,lay in my bed,im going down staires to make you a cup of tea.Now dont you wory about a thing,cos together we are going to get threw this .He said ok mum.When i reached the last stair,my legs gave way and was kneeling on the floor.With all my strength”body and mind”i went to make the tea.That was 20 odd years ago.I could write a book,about this devil,that refuses to let my son free.My son is handsom,caring,polite,loving,thoughtful.He has never stolen from me.He works hard,and is very clever,and creative at his job.But he works only to buy his crack.There has been many times,he stoped using.One of of them times,was when he got married,and had his daughter.His wife did not know or realise just how bad his addiction was.Until she could take no more.I wil have to move forward in my story,eaven though i have so much to tell.At this time,my heart is not just broken,its in a thousand peices.My son had a heart attack,not long ago,he nearly lost his life,if it was not for the ambulance people,working on him for 20 min,befor taking him to special care unit.He had a stength put into his artery,so the blood clot cld flow again.I told myself,if this is what it takes,for him to stay clean,then so be it.my son”my life”was back on the crack pipe within 2 weeks.How wrong i was,when i thought my worse nightmare was heroin.I am not the sort of mum,who dont have a clue about drugs,i am very street wise,and my kids,have always been honest with me.But i do realise,that there must be thousands of mums and dads out there,that dont have a clue,what is going on in this world “allthough right now,i am thinking,”may be it is the best place to be”.Night after night,i am waiting for a knock on my door,and being told,my son has been found,in the back of his van,cooking up crake,all on his own,and has had another heart attack.When wil this hell come to an end.I feel so helpless.This is the first time i have ever writen this down.And after so many year,s,i am thinking if joining others to talk to someone,whom understands me.

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