[smh1987]

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend since earlier on in the year, I knew when I met him that he liked to party..hard shall we say, but he left me around 2 months ago and came back at admitted to what extent, he is highly dependent on cocaine daily, he says he is trying to cut down and then cut it out, is also a very heavy weed smoker, he admitted he is in a lot of debt due to this, drug dealers demanding money a lot of the time, has asked me twice to help bail him out, which I have not done! I’m so worried because I care for him deeply and want to support in anyway I can, I know they have to do it themselves, I’m just in a selfish mindset thinking what is my life going to look like if he doesn’t stop, what life would we have in fact and what support could I get to be more prepared to deal with this. To me he is the most wonderful man but I know he has demons now and has put his mum through some awful times, today being one of them asking her for £1000, please help someone I’m so stuck, any advice would be greatly welcomed x

[debc]

Hi Smh1987,

Welcome to the Forum, hopefully you will find some very useful advice from people in a similar situation to yourself.

I am the Mum of an addict, alcohol and cocaine, although he is doing well at the moment.

A life with an addict is not a good one, and being the Mum of an addict is very hard.

I think you asking the question “what life would I have” , is a good question, and from experience, it’s not a good life, it’s like a living hell, and that’s only being very honest. I feel for his Mum, having to bail him out of these situations, I have also had to do this for my Son, it could be you who he asks the next time, they don’t care how they get the money or who from, and if your boyfriend is a daily user, he is spending some serious money.

Do you think he wants to get help? Has he made any steps to get help?

There are lots of stories on here that are very sad, but it’s a great place to share your story and get advice from other people.

There is also the Icarus Trust who you can talk to.

Keep in touch on here, and take care of yourself first.

Dx

[smh1987]

Hi D,

Thanks so much for your reply, this is the question I ask myself daily, I’m 34 and have worked so hard for the life I live and have a really successful job, he has a great job and maintains this well, he hasn’t had help previously other than doctors help with medication for sleeping and anxiety, yesterday he said he felt the worst for asking his mum…again for help, but then last night got more! There is always something it links too last night was “it’s my last day at work and all the lads will be together after work” or when he is sad he cuts me off and then does it, he then feels guilty…never says sorry but tests the water because he knows he’s done wrong. I am not one of those people that shouts abs screams and tells him what not to do, I can’t because he would do it more I’m sure of it, I want to help him but I don’t know how to bring it up without it possibly getting hostile or him think I’m doing it to back him in a corner if that makes sense, I want him to know he can come to me about anything and I will help where I can but that won’t involve me bailing the dealers out! I have heard of Icarus from reading posts on here, how have you found them? I am so sorry you have and are going through this, I read all the mother posts and it hurts to think a parent has to go through that x

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