[arm1]

Hello Everyone,

My Bf is in a sober house. He has been clean for 2 month now. He told me he was smoking crack. He told me this 6 weeks ago. I knew something was happening to him because of the way he was acting. I sectioned him and they held him in the hospital for 7 days, Thats why now he is in a sober house. I felt bad for doing it and I feel like I made him get help. Im happy he is the sober house but I feel like he isn’t telling me the hole truth about all the drugs he was using. I always knew he was an alcoholic never saw any drug use until recently. He is still lying to me and I have a feeling he cheated on me. but he won’t say it. I don’t know if he really wants this help or he is just doing it because he thinks he will be able to come back home. I caught him in a lie all the time. If I try to say how Im feeling or ask him questions about anything. He yells at me saying that Im questioning him to much. I don’t know if this behavior is normal for someone that hasn’t had their drug in a while. He said.. he doesn’t crave for it or think about and that he is not addicted to it. But he is always moody. Is this true can he not be addicted to crack? If he is not being truthfull dose it mean he is not taken this program seriously? is he trying to play me into getting back into my house? I don’t know what to do.

[esta]

He shouts you down because he doesn’t want to answer your questions because you will catch him out

He will lie and not remember his answer

If he had to be sectioned he’s a very heavy user that has probably used for a long time

Crack usually involves using some kind of downer drugs like smoking heroin at the end or taking Valium or pregablin to help the come down crash

Very rarely will it be just crack

End it and move on.

Hard as it is do it for your own mental health

[arm1]

Thank you for replaying back. He tells me that the sober house drug tests him and that he is not doing anything. I don’t know if Im begin to hard on him or if he is really trying. My thing is that I noticed him staying up all nigh and not eating. and when I asked him if he was detoxing he picked a fight with me and left. He was gone for 3 days. He was in a hotel room. After he spent all the money he came back. That day I sectioned him. He wrote me a text saying that if I don’t let him in the house, he was going to kill himself. he also told me that he was smoking crack to kill himself. Thats when I called the police. His been clean for 2 month now but the lying continues. I have asked him if he did heroin too but told me no. He says that he is in it for real and he wants to get better. But the only thing is he is still not telling the hole truth and it sucks because I know he had to be doing more then just crack. I used to see little needle marks around his tattoos on his leg and round his elbow but never in a vein that was visible. how dose someone in recovery real act? when they are willing to get sober? I check his leg now and there is nothing on the tattoo.

[arm1]

He is still in the Sober house and he will stay there. Because for now he is not coming home anytime soon. I just need to know if they will ever come clean about everything they did?

[esta]

In reality probably not

They live a whole other life you will never know the whole truth about

If they admitted the real truth you would flip your lid totally and end it

Whilst they are off in their chaotic cycle you are at home keeping the stability going so they have a base to come back to sleep it off eat reload cash and begin again

I honestly honestly tell you to cut him lose and walk away

If it was a good relationship you wouldn’t even be questioning anything or his actions and it won’t get any better that I can guarantee you

You could spend decades in this cycle he will let you continue as long as you keep taking it

[esta]

Also you are probably completely correct about the needle marks

He could be doing heroin or speedballing the two

You have to consider that he may be sharing pipes and maybe even needles and putting you and your health at risk

[arm1]

wow thank you so much for your replay.!

U have made me think. U have made me feel at easy and I know for a fact I will not let him back here. His lies and behavior have hurt me too much. He still calls me but I have noticed about 5 days ago he has stopped calling me as much. he calls like only 2-3 times a day when before it was 6 or every hour just to say hi. now its different. Something is happening but I can’t figure it out and to tell u the truth I don’t want to know anymore. I hope I can stick to my boundaries and try to stay away as much as I can. He has no Family support just me and I hate feeling stuck with him. I have felt like this for 9 years since we started our relationship. I got him help and I think its up to him. I am just going to watch, and see what path he choices and keep myself in a safe distends. thank u so much for words it really mean a lot.

[esta]

I know from experience and it is so hard to step away but I promise you it gets better and you will begin to see it for what it really is

You will have many tears and overwhelming grief but that will eventually turn to relief – that’s a great feeling when you reach that turning point and you will

For one you will get more sleep and you will be able to think more clearly

Then your emotions will settle because you won’t be on edge and the tied knots in your stomach will begin to relax as the worry disappears and you will start to relax

Your overall being will begin to heal and you will realise just how ill it has made you

Stress is a silent killer and you will realise how much you have been under as it has just become so normal to live under hyper stressed chaotic conditions

You say exactly what every partner feels – that you are the only one there for them and you feel responsible for them and that if you step away they will sink – that’s part of the addiction and manipulation

But they haven’t changed to protect the relationship or you and they won’t and that is gutting

You will ask yourself why wasn’t I enough

Why wasn’t what I was offering enough for you to stop

Why wasn’t I good enough

But it’s not you

It’s the addiction and it’s bigger than anything you can offer

And he will do anything to protect it

But it will change you and not for the better and there is no one looking out for you – only you

I promise you with time you WILL feel better

it takes time but you will realise you are lying to yourself because you are living a lie fed by lies

deceit and manipulation are the tools of an addict to protect their addiction and keep their enabler exactly where they want them

They will tell you what you want to hear

You have a gut instinct and it’s telling you that you are being lied to

You have already caught him out

I can see that you are reaching all these conclusions for yourself and I think you will be strong enough

Without trust there is nothing

Be true to yourself

Close the chapter and move on

[esta]

Read through posts on here it will really help you keep focus and make sense of what is happening

It’s like looking in the mirror and finally seeing things clearly

That Penny dropping moment

It’s hard to accept that you are essentially being used but I guess basically that’s what it is and it’s horrible and it’s so wrong

[arm1]

Thank you u so much! You are strong women. I will keep away from him and start to move on. I think I am ready. I am going to really try. I am so happy I found this website I don’t feel so alone anymore Thank you for your kind advise.

[esta]

That’s so true even though we don’t know each other we have been brought the same heart breaking situations

Some people are not ready and they continue to look for answers that aren’t there

I have been on my knees with the weight of the acute stress of my husbands addiction

I forgot who I was and it has taken 8 months now to get to this point

I will never go back because I have changed

My mind now has peace

I will always be his friend from a big distance

I don’t think it’s good for you to hold bad feelings and you won’t find peace unless you let it all go

And that is the choice you have to make

To step off the merry go round and let them continue the ride on their own

But I don’t feel responsible for him anymore

We live separate lives and make our own choices

Funny how an addict will never ask how you are, how you feel, what you are doing, or your plans

They will ask for and expect; but not ‘give’

Life always revolves around them, their addiction and ultimately their misery

Which they will blame on you!

Just so you feel as bad as they do!

I wish you happiness and that will come

[arm1]

Thank you!!l.

I just spend the day with him because he is allowed weekend visits. It was good until he snapped at me for asking to many questions. nothing related about drugs or what he did. It was me asking how much laundry detergent he used.

I hate feeling like its me that makes him mad. After 5 mins he was fine and He said u question me too much. Im so tried of watching what I say to him. or think if I ask this he will get mad.

I just dropped him back to the sober house. He wants me to go back tomorrow but after him snapping at me. I really don’t want to. He made me feel like I did something wrong. It doesn’t hurt like it used to. its just making me not want to be around him. Is this normal behavior for some that is in recovery??

The owner of the house told me he has passed all his drugs test when they give to him. He doesn’t know when they will test him.

Thank you!. I have read ur story and its heartbreaking. How can they make us feel like we are nothing and then they act like nothing happened. I am glad u have moved on and u are happy now. I think Im getting there.

[esta]

I am sending you strength to cope with the all that is ahead

I think though that you are there and turning the corner already

I am glad for you and I promise that life will restart and it will eventually just be full of good days and no more tears

Believe In Yourself ????

Every day is so precious so do not waste one more minute of it x

[esta]

Every day is so precious so do not waste one more minute of it x

[esta]

Just to go back to you asking him if he did heroin and he said no

When my husband got sectioned only then did I find out the real extent of his drug use

I knew he was using crack and tramadol and pregablin

But then I eventually discovered he was using heroin, ecstasy, Valium, benzos any tablets he could get his hands on and the actual amount was astounding

How he was walking around (and driving) is beyond me

But he swore on the kids lives that he had/would never ever touch heroin or any of the others – like it was totally disgusting and how could I think he would do that!

I really believed him but then his behaviour became so weird I am sure he has developed a personality disorder due to the combination of use

He broke my heart and my spirit

but life has to go on and we cannot give up and let it ruin all our lives

[arm1]

Oh my god Im so sorry.

I am so happy u are no longer in that painful life. You are right! He must have done more than what he says, because he told me the same exact thing ur ex husband said. That he would never touch heroin and how can I think that. On his mother’s grave. I knew he did all kinds of pills and he was taken suboxine stripes because I found them.

I saw the needle marks on him but never in his arm veins. He won’t tell me about the heroine but he told me everything else. its sad how its so easy for them just to take all this drugs and not be scared of what might happen to them.

The hospital won’t tell me what he was on when I sectioned him. He says he never cheated on me. Thank you!

[arm1]

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m glad that you are getting help from this forum. if you would like some more support please contact us at Icarus Trust. we are a charity that offers support to people like you who are dealing with an addictive partner. If you contact us one of our Family friends will talk with you. they are trained and very experienced and maybe talking with them will help you to move forward.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Good luck.

[Author]

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