[hope1]

Hi there,

My partner drinks. The pattern is morning drinking, not in the house assume in the car ! Comes home and is argumentative, and angry. I go out for a walk to get out of his way excuses are made by him to go out to the shops and more drink consumed and brought back Our relationship has suffered and this is mostly the topic of conversation he picks and wants to fix by talking about it. It is impossible to talk to someone who is drunk so of late have been trying to take my self away from the situation, but this also angers him and am accused of storming out. I will be honest sometimes I do get angry and shout as he is like a dog with a rag and won’t let things drop.

Am accused of putting him down, slagging him off, not loving him, saying nasty things about him. I don’t slag him off, I do talk to a couple of friends as believe this helps I Do say to him that a lot of our problems could be resolved if he stopped drinking and that he drinks too much this is somehow interpreted as me saying nasty things about him.

Feelings of respect, pride and love are slowly fading and been replaced by a lack of patience, embarrassment and loathing

What to do ? How do you cope ?

Hope1

[retroheadz]

Hello! I have just replied to someone in a very similar situation so this is not that unusual and I’m sure you know that. Don’t feel like your alone especially if you read some of the stories on this site and talking to friends and strangers will definitely help. Anyway, I’m sure you don’t need telling that alcohol is a drug! and absolutely the worst drug available to humanity so using it on a regular basis is definitely a way of medicating. If your partner is at the stage of drinking more than twice a week it is proven that it’s a problem and hiding it is the signal for danger ⛔️ I know that this for a fact as my childhood was surrounded by sneaky alcoholics. He almost DEFINITELY has a problem and needs professional help and not just a talk around the dining table because alcohol has a grip stronger than any other drug, it is absolutely evil and don’t let the critics convince you otherwise. You can’t expect yourself to fix him because your not a professional and even though he’s you love he still needs alcohol and that need can often and mostly alway be greater than your relationship. You can’t win a fight against an addict because they always win and if they don’t they argue louder and make any excuses to storm away for a fix. Personally I would ban alcohol tomorrow because it destroys families and kills so many people. I feel for you because you have and are being affected by this addiction so making a decision is very difficult. You know the term (nip it in the bud) well it’s easier said than done but if you can find the courage to give him the opportunity to get some professional help I think you can save you own life ????

[hope1]

Hi,

Thanks for your post. Everything you say is completely true. He admits he is an alcoholic and has tried AA once for a couple of weeks. He is a sneaky alcoholic and hides alcohol in the strangest places around the house and fills water bottles with wine, but only coloured water bottles so you can’t tell. This has been going on for well over a year and since lock down has either got worse or I’m noticing it more. I’ve stopped policing it as it serves no purpose but to stress me.

You are so right about not winning a argument ! Where possible i tread on egg shells when he is drunk. As having a discussion is out of the question as he gets so angry, and will twist what I say . Arguing doesn’t solve anything either.

I have found a few numbers other than the AA and given them to him, he says he rang and they give him some links. I don’t believe him.

I think I could cope if he drank, and wasn’t so angry and argumentative . But he is not a happy drunk. He also suffers from depression which obviously is worsened by the drinking and all the probs he has are magnified because of the drink

I try to explain to him that if he is going to drink it may be an idea we didn’t talk about any problems he thinks we may have but to talk when he has not been drinking. This hasn’t worked . But to be honest didn’t think it would .

Anyway thanks for your post. Helps just writing it down and sharing it

[Author]

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