[nic87]

I’ve been with my partner for 7yrs and things aren’t always easy but I’ve been pulling away from him as ive had a gut feeling that his been taking coke when I ask him he gets defensive and tells me to stop asking him. I caught him doing it and he promised that it was a one off and he says his not done it since but over the last 1yr or so I’ve found little bags with white bits in it.

I have had to go through his phone case as that’s where his had it in the past and that’s where I find the bags I’m worried as I don’t have a clue what to do.

[jap88]

3.5yrs I’ve been with my partner and we have a 1yr old. He told me he dabbled with it after his divorce and told me he was clean. I like u also found out that wasn’t quite the truth and he had used and he also promised to stop! This Friday just gone he decided to cause a row over yoghurt pack all his stuff and literally go and live at his dealers and I’ve not heard from him so far since not even to ask how his son is! I am broken I cry daily I can eat more than one meal and our son is looking for him calling dada round the house.. the reality is though my partner probably isn’t giving us a second thought right now. I know I am not helping but if ur partner is just at the start it may get worse for u. I got left for a bender when I was pregnant all because I wouldn’t let him go nighty fishing with his dealer, I trusted him to take our son to meet his mum for the first time while I had a sleep and I found out he took out son to meet his dealer I kicked him out then he told me that was his changing point and I believe he was clean from that point so just over a yr clean, and now this just gone again no contact. I don’t know if they all behave like this? I am so lost my inside physically hurt. Sorry not much help but just my experience of how it can worsen. I love my partner so very much and want him home but the reality is will this be life?? And that’s if he even comes home this time

[68862]

Hi to both of you I am a mother of a son who treated his ex exactly the same as your partners are treating you. Please get the strength to leave them. My daughter in law suffered years of his gambling then using coke, they had a baby but it came to a head when he was 8 months old. She had no money, she lost weight, lost her hair was a nervous wreck and couldn’t cope any more. He came back with us and they divorced. He is still using, has no money, the proceeds from the sale of the house went on debts and up his nose. He can be vile to me and his dad if we don’t pay his dealers. Seriously think of yourselves here and move on. You will have a very sad life if you don’t.

[jap88]

Thank you for your comment, it’s does give me food for thought what your are saying.

[68862]

I’m sorry if I was too blunt xx

[jap88]

I think we need it blunt at times! My ‘partner’ has contacted today to ask to see his son so I’ve arranged to meet at a park an I’m not leaving my son with him. He then went on to tell me the dealer he’s living with is clean, and how he ‘hasn’t seen one bit of cocaine there’ I said so u will be clean if we did a test then his reply was ‘well I used last Friday but I got that off **** (didn’t want to write name)’ however I happen to know the partner of the man he claimed he got cocaine off on Friday and they said they hadn’t seen him. So I said well that’s funny because **** doesn’t recall seeing you since last September so I don’t think we need to talk anymore today because I know and u know u have just lied right to me and I know and u know u r living in a cocaine house’ I got back ‘yes fine it’s from here’ and he’s gone back to silence. I cannot believe the lie he tried filling me up with why is he making out the drug dealer he’s living with is clean?

[68862]

Oh they bare face lie all the time. Recently, My son told his girlfriend that I’m at his flat having a cup of tea when I’m actually talking to her by txt at home and said he’s been at his neighbours bbq when she can see he’s online. He lied because he won’t facetime her if he’s used coz she can tell. It’s just so shameful what this makes them do.

[jap88]

So I’m on day 7 now of him not home! Since I caught him out on the lie he’s been totally silent I think today will be day 3 of silence and that with me sending one text asking if he’s ok.. no reply nothing! My stomach is like it’s in a washing machine and I’m meant to go back to work Monday… I have no childcare as we worked shifts around each other I don’t know whether to contact work today or not

[68862]

Oh Jap I’m so sorry ???? can you find out if he’s been to work? The thing is if he does come back over the weekend how will he be in any fit state to look after your child if he’s been using all that time? He will be hanging and just want his bed. This is what was happening with my son and his ex. She had no support with their newborn, he was always too tired to take his turn and wouldn’t get out of bed. She was exhausted. I’m really sorry that you are going through this but you need to put you and your child first now and get tough before you become ill.

[jap88]

He works term time like me so both of us are due back to work on Monday. I’m going to contact my work today.

[68862]

Again I’m so sorry you are going through this. I hope you and your child move on from this sooner rather than later. I don’t think there is going to be any change on his part anytime soon. Look after yourself xx

[jap88]

He’s cancelled his contact with our son for tomo and said ‘can’t make tomo I’m ill maybe Monday if ok..’ it was like and extra gut kick I was hoping tomo would be a chance to finally talk and now that gone and not only that but our sons been let down. And as for Monday I as due to work I’ve managed to get it so I’m only working 3hrs. My mum has had to come sit with me this evening as I’m just a mess it’s 7 days today and will be 10 days Monday before our son sees his dad but I don’t think I’m day will happen eithe r

[jap88]

He’s cancelled his contact with our son for tomo and said ‘can’t make tomo I’m ill maybe Monday if ok..’ it was like and extra gut kick I was hoping tomo would be a chance to finally talk and now that gone and not only that but our sons been let down. And as for Monday I as due to work I’ve managed to get it so I’m only working 3hrs. My mum has had to come sit with me this evening as I’m just a mess it’s 7 days today and will be 10 days Monday before our son sees his dad but I don’t think I’m day will happen either

[jap88]

He’s cancelled his contact with our son for tomorrow and said ‘can’t make tomorrow I’m ill maybe Monday if ok..’ it was like and extra gut kick I was hoping tomorrow would be a chance to finally talk and now that gone and not only that but our sons been let down. And as for Monday I as due to work I’ve managed to get it so I’m only working 3hrs. My mum has had to come sit with me this evening as I’m just a mess it’s 7 days today and will be 10 days Monday before our son sees his dad but I don’t think I’m day will happen either

[jap88]

He’s cancelled his contact with our son for tomorrow and said ‘can’t make tomorrow I’m ill maybe Next week if ok..’ it was like and extra gut kick I was hoping tomorrow would be a chance to finally talk and now that gone and not only that but our sons been let down. And as for Monday I as due to work I’ve managed to get it so I’m only working 3hrs. My mum has had to come sit with me this evening as I’m just a mess it’s 7 days today and will be 10 days Monday before our son sees his dad but I don’t think I’m day will happen either

[jap88]

He’s cancelled his contact with our son for tomorrow and said ‘can’t make tomorrow I’m ill maybe Next week if ok..’ it was like and extra gut kick I was hoping tomorrow would be a chance to finally talk and now that gone and not only that but our sons been let down.

[jap88]

He’s cancelled contact with our so I’m ill maybe Next week if ok..’ it was like and extra gut kick I was hoping that would be a chance to finally talk and now thats gone

[68862]

That’s awful but pretty much what you’d expect if he’s been using all the time he’s been away. You both deserve so much more ❤

[jap88]

See I don’t know what to expect… this is my first experience of this kind of thing and I have never done drugs so I don’t know how ill u get if u get ill I don’t even know if he is ill (personally I think it’s more a case of it now being weekend an wanting to use)

[68862]

Hi Jap this was all new to us 3 years ago too. We had never had anything do with drugs and didn’t know anyone who did them so you can imagine how devastating it was to us as parents to find out our son was using coke on a regular occurrence. We knew he was a gambler but it wasn’t until our grandson was born that it all came to a head and we possibly wouldn’t have known if they decided not to have children. I can only advise on the experience we have gone through and the advice we were given at family drugs counselling sessions we used to go to. I didn’t want to see my son break up his family but she had no choice but to ask him to leave because he was making her a nervous wreck never knowing if she’d be able to feed the baby or pay the bills, she had to think of the baby. It broke us when all this happened and my husband is still unable to come to terms with what his son has done and because he is still using despite saying he doesn’t want to and promises to quit on many occasions. We should be sitting pretty financially at our age but sadly our funds have depleted because of his pitiful begging for us to help him, sorry that should read enable him because that is what we were in effect doing. We’ve all been sucked in with his promises and lies for too long. He was clean for 3 months last summer but it didn’t last. So you can see why I say give yourself a break. If you’ve got good relationships with your family then you will get through it. She divorced him but I know she still loves him deep down and they have a good relationship surrounding their son but it would have been horrendous if she’d stayed it was so toxic because of my son.

[jap88]

U have and are helping me so much I can’t thank u enough for your honesty! My relationship with my family is very open honest and they are supportive of me they run their own business from home and have still offered to do childcare for me while I work I come to far in my job to be forced to quit over childcare costs. Relationship with his parents is or was very good however their response to what’s gone on is to not get involved and have no contact now with either myself or partner as they see that way they can’t get hurt and upset and I see where they are coming from I suppose!

[68862]

I’m so glad you’ve got your family’s support. You and your baby will survive this with their help. Stay strong my lovely xx

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