[xxshortyxx]

Has anyone been in a relationship with someone who does cocaine and that person has actually stopped taking it? I’ve been with this person for 9 years and it’s finally taking its toll on me. I can’t deal with it anymore and I’m definitely not coping.

It’s got to the point now where if he goes to the pub I can’t trust him because I think he’ll end up taking it. But this is down to the fact that he tells me that he’s going to stop, does so well or atleast I think he’s doing well but he’s doing it behind my back. If he wants it he’ll find a way. This has happened more than once so obviously my faith in him stopping is destroyed. He doesn’t understand why I react like this ????‍♀️

[ele1215]

I actually really relate to your post. I have been with my husband for 9 years married for two and it’s been a rollercoaster ever since we met. I really have lost trust now and get so anxious every time I hear a beer bottle open. He can’t get through a Friday without cocaine. But my husband doesn’t want to stop, so I am just trying to decided if i can carry on in this chaos or if I have to walk away. It’s one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make and I think in my gut I know what I have to do but my heart just won’t let me. My life feels filled with anxiety, conflict and lies and I’m just not sure I can endure anymore but I also know it’s an addiction and I want to support him in the best way I can as he doesn’t deserve to be given up on.

[xxshortyxx]

Everything you have said I relate too. I guess 9 years has finally taken its toll on the both of us. I describe it how you describe it to chaos. That’s all it is. Have you asked him about quitting? The thing is what they don’t see is that it affects us. I mentally can’t cope anymore. I have 2 young boys with him to so it makes it all harder but my eldest is almost 5 so old enough to understand what we are disagreeing about and I don’t want him being brought up around it at all. I feel tied just like you do. Love the person to bits because he’s decent and loyal apart from the lies about taking cocaine and I want to support him but it’s dragging me down now and I can’t cope. I just feel like it’s always going to be a repeat. It’s nice being able to talk to someone I’ve only just come across this forum. I’ve felt alone for 9 years so hopefully talking to people about it will help.

[plainjane]

Me too, I am in the same boat, with a husband who us a cocaine user, the lonleyness is devastating. I am glad I found this forum.

[ele1215]

Sorry I realise this wasn’t a positive reply, but I would like to follow this post to see there are any positive outcomes.

[ele1215]

When I know he is “on one” and I worry that I will be kept up all night dealing with the drama I feel I have to make a decision do I stay or do I leave and take myself out the situation. Last night I left and I am now fighting my gut which says I cannot do this anymore and my heart which says you love him you will be letting everyone down if you give up. It’s literally tearing me apart. I am lucky to have this safe place to come and when i get here I feel the weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I can just be me. But I realise the chaos I am now bringing to the people I stay with because I have to just turn up – this annoyed my husband because he doesn’t understand why I don’t want to be around but he also won’t listen to me when I tell him why. I feel such a burden on everyone including my husband. But I’m so tired of the drama and the anxiety. Being part of this group has made me realise I’m not mad, there are people like you going through a similar thing and that is making me realise that this cycle is never going to change unless I do something about it, not to fall for the kindness again when he is sober and to try to be strong and draw a line in the sand and not go back, so that everyone involved can try to heal. My husband has categorically told me he loves cocaine and I think to myself there isn’t room for cocaine and me in his life.

[donthaveaclue]

I relate because I have gone round my friend’s house at very short notice and also arrived and told her I’m staying multiple nights/not going back because I don’t feel safe.

She is so accommodating and her husband also. He said I never need to ask, but obviously I do as I feel like such a burden. I don’t just come alone! I have a little one trailing behind me.

I am the same as I don’t want to be around him when he’s doing ‘stuff’. Not only that, but afterwards it takes him days to come down and back up and while he is coming down it’s horrendous as he is so volatile, aggressive, moody and on edge. It is such a vicious cycle.

I shouldn’t have to live like this and neither should you.

[nod23]

Hi, I have been in the same boat for 14 years. Been with my husband for 16 years And have 3 children, eldest is 15 and notices A LOT now! He will literally finish work and just go to the pub then someone’s house anywhere and not come home until the next day – sometimes not even then! He won’t contact me and most of the time turns his phone off so if there was an emergency I couldn’t contact him!

He wants help but then starts thinking he can ‘do it himself’ then sees friends and everything goes out the window!

I’m at my wits end now I don’t know what to do 🙁

I would also like to know the if there is any hope?!

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