[lostinva]

My husband is an alcoholic. His father is an alcoholic. I didn’t want to believe when we got together that he would follow in his father’s footsteps. Ever since COVID hit he’s gotten worse. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I don’t want to talk to my family because I don’t want them to know how bad things are. I don’t want to talk to his family because I don’t want them to worry. His brother was bipolar and took his life 10 years ago. His family has already been through so much. My husband was the last person he spoke to before going through with it. My husband has so much guilt that he wasn’t able to talk him out of it. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about 4 years ago and have been trying to deal with my own baggage. He drinks daily and gets fall down drunk about once a week. I don’t know what to do. He won’t talk to a therapist. He’s tried and says that they don’t help. I’ve had different therapists on and off since I was 8. Once COVID hit my therapist shut down the office. It’s been 2 years since I’ve been able to talk to someone. We are both very introverted by nature and neither one of us has any friends. It’s been the two of us for 10 years now. We do have a few aquaintances but no one that I trust enough to speak to about all of this. I’m at a breaking point with his drinking. Coming home from work and finding him drunk again has me yelling constantly. So he drinks more. I don’t know how to cope with it anymore. I’ve spent all evening crying in the dark because he’s passed out in his recliner. I don’t know what to do. I feel lost. Please tell me how to deal and cope with this. I know I can’t make him stop drinking. I just don’t want to feel alone anymore. I’m contemplating suicide myself because I can’t deal with it anymore. Please tell me I’m not alone.

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