[kipplekat]

My brother has had problems with alcohol dependency for a long time, since his late teens I would say. It has gotten worse and worse to the point this year that he had to enter his first rehab clinic for treatment as he was physically unable to stop drinking.

I’m his sister and only real person he has family wise, both our parents died untimely deaths and the few relatives we have left really want nothing to do with us.

Since the first rehab visit in April he managed to stay sober for 3 months until his girlfriend dumped him. Then he relapsed and went back to rehab, his relapse was incredibly hard on me and my partner as he had gone missing for over a week in a remote area and we had a police search on going to locate him. They found him 300 miles away from where we live, I had to take unpaid leave to drive to get him and take him to rehab as he eventually asked me to help him and said he wanted to go.

He spent just over 7 weeks there and went home a month ago to move out of the flat he shared with his girlfriend and into a new shared house with a friend. He was positive and doing well, he got a new job and had regular group therapy and counselling throughout the week.

On Monday he was meant to start his new job, I usually text him throughout the week and have a call with him at least once a week (I live 150 miles away from him) to see how things are going. He also visits every month or so and I was going to see him next weekend. His messages all week were strange, very short with little or no detail. There were no questions for me, like how are you etc. I started to feel the same anxious feelings of dread I always get when this happens, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and presumed he was just busy with work and making new friends.

Unfortunately he declined to speak to me on the phone repeatedly and kept saying he was busy. So I contacted his house mate, then I got the real story, he’s relapsed again and hasn’t started his new job. He has lied to his friend by saying he’s sick which is why he hasn’t left his room. He’s also lied to me when I text him asking how his job was going by telling me it was great etc.

Now I’m at a loss to what I can do anymore. I made a few calls to the nearby rehab centre and asked if he could be admitted, they’ll take him if he calls them and sorts his admission. I can’t see him doing it, but I’m so sick and tired of having to put my life on hold to arrange it for him. It has cost so much money and I’ve had countless days off work unpaid to help him, I’m struggling myself and just started a new job too.

I feel completely helpless and like I am trapped in a never ending cycle of despair. I can’t deal with him lying to me, I can’t help him if he lies and doesn’t admit his problems.

The only thing I feel is going to happen is the same thing again and again until he ends up on the streets.

I honestly don’t know what else I can do to support him anymore. I’ve always dropped everything and cancelled trips and events just to be there for him, but it has worn me down.

I wonder if I’m just supposed to do this for the rest of my life?

[orion010]

You sound like you’ve done an amazing job so far, you’ve been supportive throughout and I know how hard this can all be so that’s no small feat.

I think only you can decide where you go next. If you carry on supporting him as you have then that’s great, if you feel like you need to take a step back for a bit then that’s also fine. There’s no shame in walking away temporarily (or permanently for that matter) .

You may well end up doing this for a very long time. Whether you do or not is up to you, it’s one of the few things you can control in this situation.

[Author]

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